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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

People complaining about ‘not’ being able to have a wedding

679 replies

JackieWeaverHandforthCouncil · 15/06/2021 07:44

Am I the only person who’s getting a bit annoyed with all the people whining about ‘not’ being able to have a wedding?

They can get married and the limits of max 30 will go but guests have to socially distance, there will be limits on singing and you can’t have international guests.

Yes you can’t have 100 people hugging but people have always been allowed to get married throughout the pandemic.

There was a woman complaining on the press conference that she’s being prevented from moving on with her life? Another was saying not being able to get married is giving her mental health issues. How? She can still get married, it may not be the Insta wedding she expected but the legal bit can still happen. Have the party bit later.

I feel a lot more sorrow for people trying to organise funerals who can’t have all the guests they want.

OP posts:
WettyHainthrop · 15/06/2021 08:54

@SofiaMichelle

I'm with you, OP. These people are so self-obsessed.

It's all about "me" so any other issues in the world are ignored in favour of concentrating on their own wants and any minor inconveniences.

What a shitty thing to say. Just because you had a small wedding with no friends, doesn’t mean other people want that and feel sad when they can’t hug their friends and family in their wedding day Hmm
bruffin · 15/06/2021 08:54

OP and everyone else who's equally delightful...how do you feel about Jewish teenagers who are sad about missing out on their bar or bat mitzvahs?
Yes and DD only gets a virtual graduation this year,

DrSbaitso · 15/06/2021 08:55

For me the ceremony is the most important part of a wedding but that's not true for many.

Well, her legal ceremony wasn't enough for her the way your superiority clearly isn't enough for you.

Bluntness100 · 15/06/2021 08:55

Wow some of these bitchy comments. All about spoiled princesses. Straight couples get married and theres a bloke involved too. Some folks are acting like it’s all about the Bride and it’s an opportunity to have a go.

Of course people can have a wedding. But there is nothing wrong with a couple both wishing to do that with a reception of their choice.

bigbaggyeyes · 15/06/2021 08:56

It's ok for people to be sad, or pissed off, and yes, we all need things to look forward to, but the restrictions are about saving lives. I hear so many people moaning and complaining about weddings or holidays that I think people may have lost sight of why we are having to do this. What happened to making the best of a bad situation. Glass half full and all that.

I'd much rather have a holiday in the uk or have limited numbers at my wedding rather than having to arrange a funeral.

Gothichouse40 · 15/06/2021 08:57

The restrictions are difficult for people with large families. My husband is one of 6, between their spouses and children we could get thirty people with his side alone. I feel very sorry for couples having to make these difficult decisions. Weddings are stressful enough. There is always the guaranteed family member who is ' offended' because they didnt get invited or didn't get invited all day. In my life experience weddings, christenings and funerals always cause issues. Usually down to unrealistic expectations of family members or friends. The Pandemic has just made all these decisions even more difficult. I really feel for people trying to organise special occasions.

WeAllHaveWings · 15/06/2021 08:57

You can't get much shallower than whining on TV in the midst of a pandemic, in front of millions of viewers (many who have lost loved ones, can't get cancer treatment, are suffering severe financial hardships etc etc etc) that you can't have an all frills wedding day.

If you need to get married to "move on with your life" do the legal bit as soon as you can with a couple of witnesses or whatever is allowed and have a blessing/celebration later when life is more normal.

If the big day is more important to you, which is fair enough, then you need to wait.

gurglebelly · 15/06/2021 08:57

@SofiaMichelle

I'm with you, OP. These people are so self-obsessed.

It's all about "me" so any other issues in the world are ignored in favour of concentrating on their own wants and any minor inconveniences.

I really hope you didn't bitch and moan about schools being shut, after all it was a only a 'minor inconvenience'
Crowtooyo · 15/06/2021 08:57

It's stressful for lots of reasons. And no, you haven't been able to get married throughout actually. There were limited exceptions for people being allowed to marry. Not only that, is it hard to understand the money people have lost? Venues closed down, dates fully booked. It's stressful. No, it isn't the same stress as a funeral, but the 2 aren't mutually exclusive.

SofiaMichelle · 15/06/2021 08:57

What a shitty thing to say. Just because you had a small wedding with no friends...

Oh the irony...

MsHedgehog · 15/06/2021 08:59

YABU. You don’t know the stress unless you’ve been in that situation.

My wedding should have been in June, with 200 people (large extended family who I’m close to, so the 200 people actually meant something to us on both sides). We postponed.

We then agonised over what to do. Do we postpone to spring this year, and hope life has returned to normal, do we get married and have a big party later, or do we just scrap the big party. I then found out I was pregnant and the decision was made for us, and fortunately just in time to get married before the second wave.

But that entire process was so stressful and upsetting. I felt guilt at being upset over my wedding when people were dying. I felt guilt that family members from abroad had already booked flights which they didn’t get refunds for so felt pressure to make the right decision. And there was the simple fact that our wedding, that we had planned and were so excited about, was never going to happen.

Unless you’ve been in that situation, you can’t judge. And anyone who has had their wedding as they planned, whether it be 10 guests or 500, has no right to judge when they got their wedding exactly as they wanted.

InnaBun · 15/06/2021 08:59

If they'd allowed massive weddings throughout people would be devastated when half their elderly relatives caught covid.

grapewine · 15/06/2021 08:59

You're just all empathy, aren't you, OP?

CruCru · 15/06/2021 08:59

I feel really sorry for anyone who has had their wedding postponed or plans changed. Yes, they can legally get married now but things like drinks receptions, music and dancing are important parts of weddings. Weddings aren’t meant to be socially distanced. We put two friends at a table next to each other (they didn’t know each other but we thought they’d like one another) and they got married five months later.

trevthecat · 15/06/2021 08:59

I have to say I agree, we eloped 2 weeks ago. We wanted to be married. We had an amazing time. We have a party booked for in a few weeks but will be under restrictions, we will probably move it. We didn't want an insta wedding. We wanted to be husband and wife. Moaning about a big party is grating on me now

Annoymoususer · 15/06/2021 08:59

I thought weddings were about love and being with that special person forever, it wouldn't matter if you had 2 or 2 hundred at your wedding as long as you are saying your vows. And to be fair 30 people at the wedding doesn't sound unreasonable at all. Think of the money saved for having a smaller wedding in a more compact and romantic way.
I've never been married and to be honest marriage doesn't appeal to me nor do weddings

Lulola · 15/06/2021 09:00

So what if people are using their wedding to feel like a princess for the day, people are allowed to do things that make them feel good. It is sad because they have probably spent years dreaming and planning for it all to come crashing down. It doesn’t mean the wedding won’t mean as much to the couple.

I imagine it’s awful cutting people off of the guest list, the amount of posts on here where people are moaning they can’t take plus ones the couple have never met or kids that weren’t invited, imagine if you now need to uninvite 60 people. There’s bound to be some that will take offence because they think they are higher up your guest list.

They’ve probably had a stressful enough time recently, I’m sure unsympathetic people will really help them. I don’t think anyone should be so rude and tell people that their feelings/mental health concerns are wrong. If it’s impacting their mental health offer them support, not nastiness. Everyone is different and impacted by different things.

Oblomov21 · 15/06/2021 09:00

We were invited to a premier league footballers wedding last week, then obviously uninvited. We were fine about it. Oh my word the pictures. So beautiful, absolutely stunning. I spoke to her dad yesterday. The day was beautiful. I think 30 is a nice number.

Greygreenblue · 15/06/2021 09:00

I am someone who postponed their wedding twice because of the pandemic. I am not Uk, so little bit different but we were in hard lock down first time and second time the borders were closed so my immediate family could not attend.
We could have gone ahead 2nd time around and if I felt it was “holding my life back” I might have. But I really wanted my parents there, and it honestly would not have been worth the pain, my mother already gets jealous of MIL because of random things (she know grandkids better but that’s because she sees them more/lives closer/agrees to babysit, mum doesn’t).

We still have not done the big shindig part of it, just lunch with closest rellies. Things have loosened up here but the border shutting and lockdowns still happen at drop of hat.

YANBU - if you wanted to be married by now you could be, if not in the exact way you wanted.

In the scheme of crap happening because of this pandemic it just isn’t a big enough deal to get so upset.

But then again I don’t have traditional views on marriage and did it all back to front anyway so perhaps (probably) I am missing something .

Getyourarseofffthequattro · 15/06/2021 09:00

@PurBal

Weddings mean different things to different people. SIL got married last August with the restrictions hoping they could have a big bash this year. She is really upset she didn't have a "real" wedding or get to have the "fun" part. When I pointed out she got married she said "oh that's just the legal bit". For me the ceremony is the most important part of a wedding but that's not true for many.
Even if he ceremony is the most important part, what about having family there to see it?
Demelza82 · 15/06/2021 09:00

Lot of smug people on here who managed to get the weddings they wanted, low key or otherwise, sneering at those upset that can't. I have to attend a close fily wedding next month and it all sounds a bit miserable to be honest, no dancing - limited physical movement. Even the most low maintenance couple wouldnt be blamed for wanting something more than that and I speak as someone largely in support of the restrictions.

SofiaMichelle · 15/06/2021 09:01

I really hope you didn't bitch and moan about schools being shut, after all it was a only a 'minor inconvenience'

Schools being closed has a material impact on children's lives.

Weddings? Nah.

Getyourarseofffthequattro · 15/06/2021 09:01

@InnaBun

If they'd allowed massive weddings throughout people would be devastated when half their elderly relatives caught covid.
All our elderly relatives are vaccinated now Hmm so why not now?
drpet49 · 15/06/2021 09:01

YANBU. So many people haven’t been able to celebrate or her life events the way they should have been able to pre Covid. I’m sick of hearing about weddings.

user00002 · 15/06/2021 09:02

Since when has having a reception been anything to do with instagram?

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