People complaining about ‘not’ being able to have a wedding

[JackieWeaverHandforthCouncil]

Am I the only person who’s getting a bit annoyed with all the people whining about ‘not’ being able to have a wedding?

They can get married and the limits of max 30 will go but guests have to socially distance, there will be limits on singing and you can’t have international guests.

Yes you can’t have 100 people hugging but people have always been allowed to get married throughout the pandemic.

There was a woman complaining on the press conference that she’s being prevented from moving on with her life? Another was saying not being able to get married is giving her mental health issues. How? She can still get married, it may not be the Insta wedding she expected but the legal bit can still happen. Have the party bit later.

I feel a lot more sorrow for people trying to organise funerals who can’t have all the guests they want.

@RosieGuacamosie

YANBU - the pandemic has distinguished between those who want to be married vs those who want to be a special princess centre of attention for the day.

I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to feel like a princess for ONE day in your life. However, I don't understand why people can't just wait or have a lager party later.

@FirewomanSam
Maybe I’ll change my mind but I really can’t see how two or so years after our actual wedding, we’re going to feel like putting on a big party to celebrate it at last. We’ll have moved on with our lives and so will everyone else, and honestly I think I’d just feel a little silly.

Exactly.
Added to which my df is 90 now.
So he may not be here in a year.
He missed dd's wedding because she couldn't have a reception and there were no restaurants open so he would have been driven for 2 hours to celebrate for 30mins in the winter with not so much as a hot drink available!
Her original wedding was for the summer and naively we thought by winter things would improve.

"Get some perspective!"

I have enough to realise it's easy to say things like "Get some perspective!" when you aren't impacted.

Weddings are important to people. If people are upset about having their wedding cancelled, cut down or postponed that is not for your to sneer at.

However, I don't understand why people can't just wait or have a lager party later.

See my post above. I didn’t want to wait because who knows what might happen, especially with a vulnerable husband and a pandemic raging on, so we just wanted to be married. And I don’t want to throw a party in a couple of years’ time because I’d just feel silly at that point. Plus after planning, postponing, replanning, rebooking, downsizing and then downsizing again, the last thing I can possibly think about right now is planning ANOTHER wedding/party ever again.

absolutely fed up to the eyeballs with the tag line mental health issues for everything that just doesn't line up with plans it really is a most irritating & a useless thing to say it's done to death now

Yeah you’re right, when I was feeling suicidal and having daily panic attacks and feeling unable to leave my home and ended up on anxiety meds and having months of counselling I was really just a bit miffed that my plans didn’t line up. How useless of me.

I have a huge amount of empathy for the thousands of families that have suffered due to losing loved ones.

So only Covid matters then?

Has anyone told you in the last 16 months that you aren’t allowed to feel anything other than Covid related emotions? Or desire anything other than not being touched by Covid.

Has anyone told you in the last 16 months that you aren’t allowed to feel anything other than Covid related emotions? Or desire anything other than not being touched by Covid.

My friend had a little cry to me the other day because her new sofa is delayed by another few weeks and she has nowhere to sit comfortably in her own home. Silly me, I offered her a sympathetic ear and agreed that this is, indeed, crap. Instead I should have told her to fuck off and be grateful that she hasn’t died from Covid.

However, I don't understand why people can't just wait or have a lager party later.

For some waiting has consequences.

BIL had no choice but to wait. His wedding date, and the first rescheduled one, were both cancelled because of the ban on weddings. FIL died before the third (also cancelled) date.

He’s disappointed because the social distancing limit means he can’t get married in the place he has booked (local registry office) with all of his and his wife-to-he’s immediate family (their child, surviving parents, a grandparent and their siblings) because although it normally holds 35 with social distancing it can only take 9.

There nothing princessy or odd in being disappointed in that. Or in the rest of us being sad for them.

However, I don't understand why people can't just wait or have a lager party later.

They can, of course but may well not want to. Our daughter and son in law re-booked twice. That was a huge amount of work, planning, excitement and disappointments. It cost thousands of pounds that disappeared in a puff of Johnson vagueness.

Trying to get everything co-ordinated for their third date was difficult because lots of the service providers were already booked with more or less three years of weddings to cram into a year.

She felt she’d done the whole bridal excitement and couldn’t face it again. She went with fifteen, no grannies, no singing hymns, no dancing. We managed to stretch the guidance to make it very memorable and beautiful but it wasn’t the wedding she wanted. She’s allowed to be disappointed, but was incredibly strong and resilient, even when the heavens opened on the day.

They had worked as doctors all through the pandemic including picking up extra hospice work. They had to cancel two honeymoons and ended up with a cottage in Devon, rather than a fortnight in Montenegro.

A big party later is pointless. They’ve married and moved on. A party would just be a party and not a wedding. They had a lovely day, but I’m sure hold some disappointment still.

@FirewomanSam

Has anyone told you in the last 16 months that you aren’t allowed to feel anything other than Covid related emotions? Or desire anything other than not being touched by Covid.

My friend had a little cry to me the other day because her new sofa is delayed by another few weeks and she has nowhere to sit comfortably in her own home. Silly me, I offered her a sympathetic ear and agreed that this is, indeed, crap. Instead I should have told her to fuck off and be grateful that she hasn’t died from Covid.

No you did completely the right thing. But if she kept banging on about it then maybe tell her to get some perspective.

Gosh there is some real bitterness on this thread.

FWIW I have lost someone very close to me during the pandemic and if anything it's shown me just how important it is to make special memories and enjoy celebrations with those we love. While we can.

My main motive for getting married is to show my commitment to my dp but I won't feel guilty or ashamed for wanting to do so with friends and family who mean a lot to me there with us. Why are people so keen on suggesting that 'big parties' somehow devalue the love between the bride and groom. Utterly bizarre and very depressing.

A big party later is pointless. They’ve married and moved on. A party would just be a party and not a wedding. They had a lovely day, but I’m sure hold some disappointment still.

This is exactly how I feel, and my wedding sounds like it was very similar to your daughter’s. You sound like a very caring and understanding parent who can really empathise exactly with how your daughter and son in law felt and might still be feeling.

I don’t want a ‘big party’ a year or two into my marriage. I wanted my wedding, but that ship has sailed. That idea might of course be lovely for some but I wish people would stop trotting out ‘just get married and have a party later!’ as if that is at all the same thing as having all your friends and family there for your actual wedding day.

I’d love to see a Venn diagram of the posters who blithely say ‘just have a party later ffs’ and those who post on threads about ‘fake’ weddings to insist that a wedding is all about witnessing the legal union and if you invite guests to ‘just’ a party where you don’t legally get married then you’re cheeky and grabby and the scum of the earth.

if she kept banging on about it then maybe tell her to get some perspective.

I don’t see any evidence here that any of the disappointed couples are lacking in perspective. I don’t even know what we’re arguing about any more, to be honest. I think couples who are disappointed have a right to be disappointed, sad, frustrated and all the rest of it without being labelled bridezillas, attention-seeking, entitled or grabby. That’s all I really have to say.

I'm even more fucked off today - thousands at the footy doing everything we'll not be allowed to. Including Kier...

So aye, I'll moan about my shit wedding restrictions for our outdoor wedding

I think 30 guests is pretty decent tbh! We were going to marry with 15 but then as someone mentioned previously, weddings were stopped altogether (unless very specific circumstances).
We're planning on marrying now just before Christmas this year. Hopefully it will go ahead. Hopefully rules will have relaxed a little more re numbers but we're only inviting around 25 anyway (just close family and about two close friends).

Workyticket That and the racing - thousands at Ascot falling over each other in drunken heaps. Yet granny can’t come to her grandchild’s wedding.
It’s all about the money. Always was.

I think there is some misogyny in the idea that weddings are women's celebrations and therefore flippant/ not important.

Whereas the important men's activities like football matches and going to the pub are being prioritised.

The people saying that a woman who wants to TTC so should get married now and have a party later clearly have little experience of pregnancy. Many pregnant women are not well enough to party!

IMO the party is the best part of a wedding, gathering together all your favourite people in one place is really lovely and doesnt happen very often as you get older, because people lead busy lives. I didn’t Instagram our wedding but it was big and lasted a few days. It’s one of my best memories. I can totally see why people would get upset with these rules, especially as we are all allowed to go and watch football.

@Iecydda

I think 30 guests is pretty decent tbh! We were going to marry with 15 but then as someone mentioned previously, weddings were stopped altogether (unless very specific circumstances). We're planning on marrying now just before Christmas this year. Hopefully it will go ahead. Hopefully rules will have relaxed a little more re numbers but we're only inviting around 25 anyway (just close family and about two close friends).

It's generally not the numbers people are arsed about it. It's the no dancing, no signing, no readings, no being walked down the aisle, no mingling with guests.

The people saying that a woman who wants to TTC so should get married now and have a party later clearly have little experience of pregnancy. Many pregnant women are not well enough to party!

That’s very true. A friend of mine was saying she didn’t want to TTC before her (postponed) wedding because she wanted to be able to drink. I (having had no kids) gently said that was a silly reason and that she’d be fine. Then another friend with actual experience of pregnancy pointed out that drinking could be the least of her worries if she suffered as much as that friend had!

It's generally not the numbers people are arsed about it. It's the no dancing, no signing, no readings, no being walked down the aisle, no mingling with guests.

Yep. We also weren’t allowed any music at our wedding. We’d picked out songs to walk up/down the aisle to years and years ago (before we were even engaged I think!) and we couldn’t have them. Same for the two lovely meaningful readings we had spent hours choosing.

And 30 people take up a lot of room if they’re socially distanced. The register office chamber we got married in can normally take at least 50 people. With social distancing it could only take 12. And that’s a massive room! Not all venues will be able to accommodate the full 30, I’m pretty sure.

Then you need to put everyone in groups of six, on socially-distanced tables (which they can’t leave or mix between) leaving enough room for staff to move around at a safe distance too. Suddenly 30 people need an awfully big space to have dinner in.

Then you can have a few speeches and everyone basically has to go home because you can’t dance or mingle. We were back home watching telly in our pyjamas at 5pm on our wedding day (which, to be fair, I bloody loved as I was so exhausted and burnt out from the stress of it all!) while all our guests were back at their hotels.

I don’t think all the people saying it’s all fine and no big deal have any idea what the realities and practicalities of having a Covid wedding are actually like.

I competent agree with you. I am engaged and was due to get married this year. Because of covid we can’t have all the people we were hoping to invite, my husband to be doesn't want to get married unless he can have all of the guests there I want to get married regardless even if there are only 30 people there I don’t care as I just want to be married 😬

@Iecydda

I think 30 guests is pretty decent tbh! We were going to marry with 15 but then as someone mentioned previously, weddings were stopped altogether (unless very specific circumstances). We're planning on marrying now just before Christmas this year. Hopefully it will go ahead. Hopefully rules will have relaxed a little more re numbers but we're only inviting around 25 anyway (just close family and about two close friends).

fair enough if you want a tiny wedding, but 30 is nothing!

15 for the bride, 15 for the groom, that's barely 7 couples each - and if your siblings have kids even less.

If you have a couple of sibling with kids, you have no space left for your friends, not even 1.

30 guests is nothing!

Our venue is massive - outdoors plus a marquee but we're still waiting to hear from the venue about how many we're allowed. Wedding is in less than 4 weeks

And 30 people take up a lot of room if they’re socially distanced. The register office chamber we got married in can normally take at least 50 people. With social distancing it could only take 12. And that’s a massive room! Not all venues will be able to accommodate the full 30, I’m pretty sure.

Neither of the rooms at the most used local place can accommodate 30 with social distancing.

One that usually seats 50 can take 10 and the other that usually seats 75 can take 18.

One of the local reception venues normally seats 204 on tables of 12 and has made very clear on their Facebook page that while there’s distancing between tables they’ll only be able to have 9 tables. So even if number limits are lifted, social distancing will slash numbers until its lifted. With 6 to a table their limit would be 54.