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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

People complaining about ‘not’ being able to have a wedding

679 replies

JackieWeaverHandforthCouncil · 15/06/2021 07:44

Am I the only person who’s getting a bit annoyed with all the people whining about ‘not’ being able to have a wedding?

They can get married and the limits of max 30 will go but guests have to socially distance, there will be limits on singing and you can’t have international guests.

Yes you can’t have 100 people hugging but people have always been allowed to get married throughout the pandemic.

There was a woman complaining on the press conference that she’s being prevented from moving on with her life? Another was saying not being able to get married is giving her mental health issues. How? She can still get married, it may not be the Insta wedding she expected but the legal bit can still happen. Have the party bit later.

I feel a lot more sorrow for people trying to organise funerals who can’t have all the guests they want.

OP posts:
BradPittsLeftTit · 15/06/2021 08:35

I think you're being grossly unfair here OP.

I'm sure people have enough empathy to feel sad for everyone affected by Covid: those who have lost their jobs, those who have had to bury loved ones and not been able to hold a proper funeral, those who have spent months home schooling causing frustration, those kids impacted by their education being compromised...and those who have not been able to marry loved ones in the manner they wished.

Your post is very 'what about...' but there is no monopoly on sympathy and upset.

motogogo · 15/06/2021 08:35

Yabu. Wanting a drinks reception and a couple of hours of dancing is not a lot, this isn't about 500 person extravaganzas (which were still going on under the radar of course). What annoys me is that the football is sacred, Wimbledon finals at full capacity yet the 120 person event with everyone double vaxxed I was going to in a field had to be cancelled.

gurglebelly · 15/06/2021 08:38

@Mulberry974

I feel very sorry for people who have had their wedding plans disrupted so often. But if it was me I would get married regardless as soon as churches/venues allowed. Too many people are all about being a princess for the day which really isn't the point.
We did just that but comments like this drive me barmy when we were having to plan and replan. 'Just go to the registry office' as if it was as simple as walking in and getting married - people seem to forget that you have to give notice 28 days before (impossible when Registrars are closed) and that there were thousands of couples who had weddings cancelled so it was/is virtually impossible to get a slot when they reopened
user00002 · 15/06/2021 08:38

What a charming post.

not sure how it affects your life, not sure it is your place to question someone claiming ill mental health either and whether they have a vaild enough reason to be suffering.

I'm fed up of people writing 'whining' posts like this but here we are.

WettyHainthrop · 15/06/2021 08:38

@Workyticket

Really? You can't understand why someone might feel sad?

The restrictions are shite - no dancing, no drinks reception, 6 at a table, masks on unless seated.

Nowt to do with insta and all to do with not being allowed the fun bits of a celebration

What @Workyticket said.

OP, do you think you’re shouting into a pro-marriage, anti-big wedding, echo chamber? Are you just looking for people to agree with you?

I don’t. A wedding isn’t the be-all and end-all but it’s a big celebration and people rightly get excited about having their own. Allow them to be sad.

SofiaMichelle · 15/06/2021 08:38

I'm with you, OP. These people are so self-obsessed.

It's all about "me" so any other issues in the world are ignored in favour of concentrating on their own wants and any minor inconveniences.

JadeSeahorse · 15/06/2021 08:39

@DocsRock

Can't have more than 30 people at a wedding but pubs can have more than 30 people in, football and rugby stadiums... I can understand why people are upset. Smile
THIS!!
Getyourarseofffthequattro · 15/06/2021 08:40

@SofiaMichelle

I'm with you, OP. These people are so self-obsessed.

It's all about "me" so any other issues in the world are ignored in favour of concentrating on their own wants and any minor inconveniences.

Really?

Did you get married and have a wedding?

bruffin · 15/06/2021 08:42

@SofiaMichelle

I'm with you, OP. These people are so self-obsessed.

It's all about "me" so any other issues in the world are ignored in favour of concentrating on their own wants and any minor inconveniences.

think this says more about the poster than those who are upset they cant have the wedding of their choice.Hmm
110APiccadilly · 15/06/2021 08:42

Yes you can’t have 100 people hugging but people have always been allowed to get married throughout the pandemic.

This is not true, they banned weddings altogether to start with, causing deep distress to many people, particularly those who would not be happy to live together before marriage.

ChloeCrocodile · 15/06/2021 08:43

I don't think people are even slightly unreasonable to want to celebrate a major life event with their friends and family. For many people being part of a wider community is of huge significance and it is really unfair to characterise those people as whiney or attention seeking.

With regards to funerals, numbers have been unlimited since 17th May. It was, of course, awful for people who were unable to have a large funeral before that date. But it isn't misery top trumps. It is possible to empathise with people suffered bereavement as well as those unable to fully celebrate their wedding.

LemonRoses · 15/06/2021 08:43

It is sad that so many have missed out on their dream wedding, but we’ve certainly learned that it’s entirely possible to have a magical day that was much smaller and very different to the one planned.

Some couples will have rearranged twice, lost lots of money, faced disappointment after disappointment. It’s not surprising they are saddened, is it? Particularly when you see other huge events taking place and watch G7 interactions. One rule for some......

LadyOfLittleLeisure · 15/06/2021 08:43

@RosieGuacamosie

YANBU - the pandemic has distinguished between those who want to be married vs those who want to be a special princess centre of attention for the day.
Well it is just one day out of your whole life that you're 'allowed' to have a 'special princess centre of attention' day. Covid has sucked all the joy out of what is meant to be the best day of your life. So yes, I do feel sorry for these people.
user00002 · 15/06/2021 08:44

@SofiaMichelle

I'm with you, OP. These people are so self-obsessed.

It's all about "me" so any other issues in the world are ignored in favour of concentrating on their own wants and any minor inconveniences.

Yes, why should anyone, ever again, want to be happy and to celebrate an event?

I hope you have never celebrated a birthday/christmas/promotion, in fact any kind of celebration because without a shadow of a doubt, at the same moment you did, somewhere in the world there was something awful happening.

Self obsessed indeed.

WouldBeGood · 15/06/2021 08:44

This reply has been deleted

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MaudBaileysGreenTurban · 15/06/2021 08:45

Yep, I pretty much agree, OP.

DP and I were supposed to get married last summer - 80 people, lovely venue, big sit-down meal, dancing, blah blah blah. Obviously, that didn't happen so we moved it to this July in the hope that we could have a big old party with all our friends and family.

Well, that's still not happening for obvious reasons, and we've gone from big event for 80 down to registry office and lunch with 16 people. We didn't want to be waiting until the last minute to find out what we'd be 'allowed' to do, so we just cut our losses early and went for the small day instead.

I will admit to being a bit fed up about it at first. But...the important thing is that we're getting married! And tbh it's been a bit of a relief not having to worry about flowers and seating plans and all the additional stuff expense that comes with a big do. We're just going to get wed and that's really all that matters.

I do think some of the language around weddings has been a bit OTT. It's easy to get caught up in the faff and fuss and lose sight of the real reason you're doing it in the first place.

DrSbaitso · 15/06/2021 08:45

@SofiaMichelle

I'm with you, OP. These people are so self-obsessed.

It's all about "me" so any other issues in the world are ignored in favour of concentrating on their own wants and any minor inconveniences.

Why do people who make posts like this one think they are morally superior?
JustLyra · 15/06/2021 08:45

At one point you could only have 6 people, including the couple, at a wedding. Which meant my SIL couldn’t have her parents, his parents and her step-daughter at the wedding. The groom’s father had to miss the wedding.

The “I feel sick how much time/money I spent so actually I think this is a good thing” posts are hypocrisy in the extreme. You got what you wanted, but are glad others are restricted? Catch on to your selfishness ffs.

DrSbaitso · 15/06/2021 08:47

OP and everyone else who's equally delightful...how do you feel about Jewish teenagers who are sad about missing out on their bar or bat mitzvahs?

sunflowerstory · 15/06/2021 08:48

"people have always been allowed to get married throughout the pandemic."

Why are you lying? You know full well that's completely untrue.

PurBal · 15/06/2021 08:51

Weddings mean different things to different people. SIL got married last August with the restrictions hoping they could have a big bash this year. She is really upset she didn't have a "real" wedding or get to have the "fun" part. When I pointed out she got married she said "oh that's just the legal bit". For me the ceremony is the most important part of a wedding but that's not true for many.

AlbusSeverusMalfoy · 15/06/2021 08:52

I got married last year. Yea the restrictions are shit. We had 15 guests, no dancing, masks on when not at table.
A few relations didn't come, some because they couldn't some because they are too pig headed and wanted us to postpone. But we wanted to get married and those that came meant the world to us and we had a wonderful day. So you can get married just maybe not the way you wanted to in the first place.

gurglebelly · 15/06/2021 08:53

@StringyPotatoes

Even then there was a big debate as you could hold a wedding from 12th but most venues weren't allowed to open until 17th May to do them (later overturned)

Churches could hold weddings and fairly easy ways to arrange a wedding in your local church without needing banns read etc. And "venues" are generally for the reception rather than the wedding anyway.

I'm not saying it's not upsetting and confusing and generally frustrating for those who have cancelled and rebooked and then had to cancel again. I cannot imagine how shit it is to be watching every announcement with bated breath. But I am saying that it's been possible to get married in its simplest form for quite some time. It's been less easy to have a wedding reception which is the bit that a lot of people seem to care far more about.

It absolutely wasn't about the reception in the slightest (even in April we could only do the ceremony). We just wanted to be married even if that meant us and 2 witnesses but even that was prevented by restrictions

A LOT of people get married in a venue that isn't a registry office (which were all closed or fully booked) or a church (which if you aren't religious/don't go to church actually can be exceptionally difficult to organise a wedding in)

Not to mention that if you've given notice you are tied to the venue specified on the notice (although the date can be changed) Hence 5,000 couples nearly having April weddings cancelled due to venues such as hotels potentially staying shut until May

In our area there was the grand total of 1 week between 1st November and 12th April that people could get married in our venue and it was fully booked (we tried)

HotChoc10 · 15/06/2021 08:54

@JackieWeaverHandforthCouncil

If it’s about being married you can do the marriage but then have a big old knees up when the restrictions go, you don’t have to do them at the same time.

It’s disappointing yes but it’s not worthy of being on the news to complain saying you’re being prevented from moving on with your life. I can’t see what not being married is stopping you from doing unless you’re desperate to hold hands with your partner in Saudi Arabia or want to be married before TTC but if that’s the case you can still get married and do the party bit after.

You should see the responses when someone asks if it's okay to have a wedding celebration that's not the actual wedding. People get outraged at the audacity that they would be invited to such a preposterous charade.
earthyfire · 15/06/2021 08:54

I got married a few years ago abroad and didn't have any guests, but that's what I wanted so yes I do feel sorry for them especially when we see football matches taking place.

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