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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not understand this?

167 replies

BlossomOnTrees · 11/05/2021 12:23

Was with sister earlier on and she was carrying a bag which she was going to give to the husband of her friend. It was over her shoulder. After a brief chat he came over and silently removed the bag from her shoulder taking it into the house. Sister told him never to invade her space again without asking first. It was incredibly awkward and he also looked very embarrassed. Nothing has happened to her as in abuse so I am a bit perplexed as to the strong reaction. Aibu to say she completely over reacted and made a big deal out of nothing?

OP posts:
MishMashMummy · 11/05/2021 12:25

He was quite rude. She was definitely more forthright about it than most people would be. So often women are socially conditioned into just accepting this kind of rudeness without saying anything to be polite. I imagine it was awkward but I also admire her for standing up for herself like that. It’s brave and tbh more of us should do it.

IceSwallowCome · 11/05/2021 12:27

Well it's a bit weird to walk up to someone and just take a bag off their shoulder without saying anything...

midgedude · 11/05/2021 12:29

Perhaps he didn't want to interrupt ?

NormanStangerson · 11/05/2021 12:31

They’re obviously having an affair and your sister is trying to throw everyone off the scent.

BlueVelvetStars · 11/05/2021 12:31

@midgedude

Perhaps he didn't want to interrupt ?

exactly what I thought Confused

AnonGlitterBomb · 11/05/2021 12:33

The first couple of posts are so bizarre.

Presumably he just didn’t want to interrupt the conversation.

Some MNers really do hate men don’t they and want to make everything the man’s fault Hmm

IceSwallowCome · 11/05/2021 12:36

@AnonGlitterBomb

The first couple of posts are so bizarre.

Presumably he just didn’t want to interrupt the conversation.

Some MNers really do hate men don’t they and want to make everything the man’s fault Hmm

A simple "will I take that bag?" is hardly a big interruption.
AlmostSummer21 · 11/05/2021 12:39

Why didn't she take it off her shoulder & pass it to him when she saw he was approaching her?

She was rude & weird.

wildeverose · 11/05/2021 12:40

This is all very bizarre

Brownteddybear · 11/05/2021 12:43

Would he have taken it off the shoulder of a man?

MishMashMummy · 11/05/2021 12:48

I don’t hate men. I love men. But I think silently walking up to someone and taking a bag from their shoulder is rude. If he didn’t want to interrupt he could have waited, or he could have politely said ‘sorry to interrupt, could I possibly just take that bag now?’. Either approach would have been fine. But just silently walking up to someone and taking a bag from their shoulder is quite rude imo.

Bbq1 · 11/05/2021 12:51

@Brownteddybear

Would he have taken it off the shoulder of a man?
Someone always pops up with, "Would they do X to a man?" Why wouldn't he have removed the bag from a man's shoulder? The woman was rude, he may have needed the bag/contents of the bag urgently and got fed up waiting. If you are taking something to somebody you drop that off first then can stand chatting to somebody else. When she saw the man heading towards her she didn't remove the bag and offer it forward? No, she just grimly hung onto it so it had to be removed from her shoulder. Odd.
YouShouldLeave · 11/05/2021 12:59

@MishMashMummy

He was quite rude. She was definitely more forthright about it than most people would be. So often women are socially conditioned into just accepting this kind of rudeness without saying anything to be polite. I imagine it was awkward but I also admire her for standing up for herself like that. It’s brave and tbh more of us should do it.
First post got it. I agree.
Brownteddybear · 11/05/2021 13:01

I'm not saying he shouldn't have removed the bag from this hypothetical man's shoulder @Bbq1 the reason I asked is if his behaviour would be similar and if not, why does he think he can do that to a woman?

He could have opened his mouth and asked for it to be passed to him if it were that imperative to have it.

slashlover · 11/05/2021 13:17

Did he approach her from in front or from behind? I've had customers approach me from behind and tap me on the shoulder, it sometimes give me a fright if I don't notice.

luxurychocolate · 11/05/2021 13:32

I think the affair theory is valid !

BlueVelvetStars · 11/05/2021 13:58

Your Sister is vicious

Daria32 · 11/05/2021 14:45

Is your sister especially vigilant re Covid. Could it be that he came too close? Unmasked etc...

MoreAloneTime · 11/05/2021 14:47

I wouldn't like someone doing that to me to be honest. I don't think I'd kick off, probably just sit there feeling uncomfortable.

Mamamamasaurus · 11/05/2021 14:49

He was a bit forward (maybe not the right word but contact and closeness are unknown) but she was a bit rude.

Rosewood017 · 11/05/2021 16:20

I agree about the affair.

Was the brief chat with his wife?

BrumBoo · 11/05/2021 16:28

No she didn't overreact, and it has nothing to do with being a 'man hater' (and very doubtfully an affair). He didn't need to come near her, he could have just said 'oh shall I take that' about the bag as soon as he saw her, or as soon as she finished talking. You don't just silently come over to a person and remove something from their possession without saying anything, it's weird, passively controlling behaviour. He was illmannered at best, she was exceptionally firm (but not incorrect) in her response.

zingally · 11/05/2021 16:29

She was rude and weird.

ItWorriesMeThisKindofThing · 11/05/2021 16:32

He was rude and weird.

toocoldforsno · 11/05/2021 16:34

@AnonGlitterBomb

The first couple of posts are so bizarre.

Presumably he just didn’t want to interrupt the conversation.

Some MNers really do hate men don’t they and want to make everything the man’s fault Hmm

Are you on glue?If he didn't want to interrupt the conversation he could have waited. You don't walk up to someone and remove a bag from their shoulder, its intrusive and weird and totally inappropriate. Nothing to do with "hating men" which is lazy steroptyping nonsense anyway.