Page 6 | To not understand this?

NormanStangerson · 13/05/2021 16:29

Surprised at the level of aggression in these posts. Fangirling your sister for going on the attack

Fangirling is a good term for this.

There isn’t a thing about this which isn’t ridiculous and weird. One of the more ridiculous elements is some posters’ responses.

She may have only met him a handful of times but that’s quite a few times. Enough to know probably, that taking a (presumably light, plastic cutlery doesn’t weigh much?!) bag off her shoulder isn’t going to wind up in an attack.

There’s either more to this or it’s impossible to understand without being there. Or more probably, both.

Bluntness100 · 13/05/2021 18:13

@NormanStangerson

Surprised at the level of aggression in these posts. Fangirling your sister for going on the attack

Fangirling is a good term for this.

There isn’t a thing about this which isn’t ridiculous and weird. One of the more ridiculous elements is some posters’ responses.

She may have only met him a handful of times but that’s quite a few times. Enough to know probably, that taking a (presumably light, plastic cutlery doesn’t weigh much?!) bag off her shoulder isn’t going to wind up in an attack.

There’s either more to this or it’s impossible to understand without being there. Or more probably, both.

Exactly. If you know someone it’s quite easy to go and take a light bag off of someone without really touching them, you just lift the straps and slide it down, the person moves their arm. It’s usually done when you don’t want to disturb the person. And clearly if it’s someone you know.

Not sure what’s going on on this thread, it’s like someone gave a mad response and everyone else copied and then escalated. Everyone will know what happened in terms of taking the bag, we have all either done it or seen it done, but some folks are acting like the op has said he got her knickers off without touching her trousers. 😂

However, as said, her venomous reaction says something else was behind her attack on him. So something else between them.

Original poster

BlossomOnTrees · 13/05/2021 21:54

As I said, you can remove a bag without touching someone and I am pretty sure he didn't.
All very odd on sisters behalf but don't think I will ever understand this reaction to the very minor incident.

OP posts:

ImprobablePuffin · 13/05/2021 22:31

@LettyLoman

I don't see how he took a bag off your sisters shoulder without touching her? Shoulders are near breast and men love getting close with out touching as I know from experience, personally I would have stepped back and wouldn't have let him get as far as reaching for the bag.

The man was too familiar. Your sister behaved the way we should show all women to behave. Protect your space.

So now he was going for her breasts? What a wild reach 😂 dude just wanted to get his bag

AngeloMysterioso · 13/05/2021 23:08

That whole interaction just sounds weird to be honest.

MrsTerryPratchett · 13/05/2021 23:59

As I said, you can remove a bag without touching someone and I am pretty sure he didn't.

How? Seriously because I can't picture it. I remove a bag by sliding my hands under the strap.

RedRec · 14/05/2021 00:07

Reminds me of a scene in The Tall Guy. The Emma Thompson character realised her boyfriend was having an affair when he passed a drink to a woman and she didn't say thank you, revealing their casual intimacy.

CalishataFolkart · 14/05/2021 00:30

If you know someone it’s quite easy to go and take a light bag off of someone without really touching them, you just lift the straps and slide it down, the person moves their arm. It’s usually done when you don’t want to disturb the person. And clearly if it’s someone you know.

“Usually.” How often are you silently easing bags off people’s shoulders if there’s a reason you “usually” do it. What would be an “unusual” reason?

BumCat · 14/05/2021 04:50

I think as others have pointed out, it has an air of casual intimacy so the nature of their relationship is barometer to who is being unreasonable here. Lots of my friends (of either sex) I wouldn’t think anything of them doing this if I was in conversation with someone else. But if it was an acquaintance or someone I did not know particularly well, I would deem it strange/rude/overly familiar.

Pinkylemons · 14/05/2021 09:25

Who took the bag? Her husband or the friends husband? I’m confused

PlanDeRaccordement · 14/05/2021 09:32

I agree it is very odd. I was raised that it’s polite for men to help guests with their bags, and not leave them standing there awkwardly in rye foyer holding them. It’s about welcoming someone to your home, so they can get their coat off and settle in. So, I can see my DH doing that exact thing. I would be shocked too if a guest reacted the way your sister did. Does she have ASD or other “don’t touch me” sensory issues?

MrBrightside324 · 14/05/2021 09:36

@bluntness100 I do see what you mean, but I don’t see how if it’s on your shoulder, it can happen without the person moving their arm (ie knowing the bag is being taken)
I don’t understand why she just didn’t not give him the bag, or say ‘stop taking the bag’, instead of letting him take the bag into the house and then reacting later.

I’d love to know what she said when you asked her about it op.

NewlyGranny · 14/05/2021 09:39

A towering great guy should have enough life experience to know better than to come so close so silently to a woman who doesn't know him. A "Can I take that?" would have done, just to show he wasn't intending to be intimidating. That's why we have speech, after all!

Your sister being jumpy was essentially a flinch and it makes me wonder whether she is or has ever been a victim of male violence or sexual harassment. That leaves a women sensitive to the approach of another person.

Bluntness100 · 14/05/2021 09:45

Yes she’d have to have moved her arm unless her arm was down by her side.

I also would do this, and I’m fairly sure I have done, when trying not to disturb someone. However I would only do that to someone I know well enough, it’s actually quite a common thing to do.

Her reaction though was very extreme. So either there was something unspoken between them or the sister has a hidden history that made her lash out.

Most folks would just say oh thanks and carry on.

pinkyredrose · 14/05/2021 10:30

By not talking to her to ask for the bag he treated her like a non-human. He was very rude, more women should speak up about men doing things like this.

FuckyouCovid21 · 14/05/2021 10:34

@ChewtonRoad

After a brief chat he came over and silently removed the bag from her shoulder taking it into the house. Revolting behaviour, very inappropriate.

Sister told him never to invade her space again without asking first.
Considering what the man did your sister's response was diplomatic and restrained.

Revolting?!

MoreAloneTime · 14/05/2021 10:46

@pinkyredrose

By not talking to her to ask for the bag he treated her like a non-human. He was very rude, more women should speak up about men doing things like this.

I think that's what it comes down to for me. Even if it was DH I'd be like "I'm not a bloody hat stand. Don't just do that without acknowledging me"

WingingItSince1973 · 14/05/2021 11:22

I can't imagine a situation where any of my friends husbands would do that and I've know some of them for over 20 years. Your sister was right to feel that way. If she hardly knows his and he felt OK to just help himself. Was his girlfriend/wife there too? What was his reaction to your sister?

BimBimBapp · 14/05/2021 11:27

@PlanDeRaccordement

I agree it is very odd. I was raised that it’s polite for men to help guests with their bags, and not leave them standing there awkwardly in rye foyer holding them. It’s about welcoming someone to your home, so they can get their coat off and settle in. So, I can see my DH doing that exact thing. I would be shocked too if a guest reacted the way your sister did. Does she have ASD or other “don’t touch me” sensory issues?

It's polit to help guests with their bags, its not polite to physically remove bags from their person without asking. If your DH would do what this guy did, teach him better. It's not welcoming to touch people you don't know, its weird and creepy.

Your comment about her having ASD or sensory issues is offensive and disabilist. Not to mention bloody stupid.

PlanDeRaccordement · 14/05/2021 11:42

@BimBimBapp
“Teach him better”? Why? I think it’s more a cultural difference as to what is polite and what is not? And shouldn’t we be tolerant of different cultures? Thank you, but we will carry on doing what we think is polite and not be brow beaten into stiff British formality.

And I have two DC with ASD so my question is not in the least “bloody stupid” or “disablist or offensive” as it is a well known fact that ASD is underdiagnosed in women.

Original poster

BlossomOnTrees · 14/05/2021 12:12

No she doesn't have ASD.
She just said she didn't like him not speaking to her before taking it and that he should have spoken first before just taking it off her. I get it in some respects but do feel it was a big overreaction in many ways.

OP posts:

BimBimBapp · 14/05/2021 17:08

I think it’s more a cultural difference as to what is polite and what is not? And shouldn’t we be tolerant of different cultures? Thank you, but we will carry on doing what we think is polite and not be brow beaten into stiff British formality

Which culture is it in which touching women without their consent is polite? I'd love to know. It;s not stiff British formality to not touch people up.
The amount of creepy weirdos on this thread is depressing. Stop bloody touching people.

PlanDeRaccordement · 14/05/2021 22:44

@BimBimBapp
Taking someone’s bag off their shoulder is not “touching up people”
Stop being a drama llama.

MoreAloneTime · 15/05/2021 06:45

Are there really cultures where its ok to remove things from a person without interaction? In that example of being taught to help guests with bag surely you hold out your hand and say something to the guest rather than ignore them and grab bags off them?

PlanDeRaccordement · 15/05/2021 11:55

@MoreAloneTime

Are there really cultures where its ok to remove things from a person without interaction? In that example of being taught to help guests with bag surely you hold out your hand and say something to the guest rather than ignore them and grab bags off them?

Normally you would say “I’ll just take your bags” and dive in, but if they are in middle of conversation with someone else as the OPs Dsis was in this case, you wouldn’t rudely interrupt, but just unobtrusively assist them with their bags. It’s really what servants used to do anyway...just silently take bags, help get coat off etc without needing to be asked or acknowledged. Today most people don’t have servants, so someone in family usually just steps in and does that initial taking bags off guests and helping them with their coat and such. It’s how I was raised. A guest shouldn’t have to ask for help with anything, and to not just simply do these steps is considered unwelcoming and cold. Almost a snub to the guest.