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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not understand this?

167 replies

BlossomOnTrees · 11/05/2021 12:23

Was with sister earlier on and she was carrying a bag which she was going to give to the husband of her friend. It was over her shoulder. After a brief chat he came over and silently removed the bag from her shoulder taking it into the house. Sister told him never to invade her space again without asking first. It was incredibly awkward and he also looked very embarrassed. Nothing has happened to her as in abuse so I am a bit perplexed as to the strong reaction. Aibu to say she completely over reacted and made a big deal out of nothing?

OP posts:
simonisnotme · 12/05/2021 18:08

Thats just weird , why didnt he or she just ask your sister for it rather that taking it off her

chickenninja · 12/05/2021 18:42

What was in the bag? I think it's too over familiar to remove it silently, if she wasn't expecting it it might have caught her off balance (if it was heavy).
Also, you can't really remove a bag without touching someone a little bit.. not saying he groped her but it is her body and it was in her possession.

Original poster
BlossomOnTrees · 12/05/2021 22:12

He didn't touch her though even when he did remove the bag.
The bag had some plastic cutlery in that sister had borrowed from them for an outdoor small gathering.

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 12/05/2021 22:20

It's very quietly possessive of the person.
It is something you'd do only to a partner or a close friend without the usual social cues of "can I take that from you?" "here you go" etc.
It's the same as removing someone's scarf or hat for them surely. Not intimate, but invading personal space.

StealthPolarBear · 12/05/2021 22:23

I can't picture how you remove a bag from someone's shoulder without touching them. Maybe if you grabbed it and pulled?

PuddingJacker · 12/05/2021 22:31

Another vote for that they're sleeping together.

Original poster
BlossomOnTrees · 12/05/2021 22:32

The straps were thick so he managed to ease it off her shoulder without touching her. It's all so strange.

OP posts:
MintyMabel · 12/05/2021 22:43

They’re obviously having an affair and your sister is trying to throw everyone off the scent.

Affair or not, taking a bag off someone’s shoulder is quite an intimate thing to do. If anyone other than family or good friend did that, I wouldn’t like it.

BlueVelvetStars · 13/05/2021 00:20

I think this Thread has reached Mulder and Scully criteria. 😳

MrBrightside324 · 13/05/2021 06:32

What was in the bag? Could it be drugs? This sounds like weird behaviour on both of their parts

NormanStangerson · 13/05/2021 07:08

I was joking about the affair, but it seems others agree! Grin

Either way, it’s weird that your sister would bellow at someone she seemingly knows well enough to borrow stuff from.

chickenninja · 13/05/2021 07:08

@MrBrightside324 plastic cutlery OP said

NormanStangerson · 13/05/2021 07:09

@MrBrightside324

What was in the bag? Could it be drugs? This sounds like weird behaviour on both of their parts
Most Mumsnet thing ever. Drugs? 😂

No. It was plastic cutlery.

chickenninja · 13/05/2021 07:13

Grin I keep my bag of drugs in a backpack, less chance of being silently removed when you're two-strapping

HalzTangz · 13/05/2021 07:17

@midgedude

Perhaps he didn't want to interrupt ?
Then he should have waited until she passed it to him. His actions were extremely rude, as for all he knows she may have also had some personal items belonging to her in the same bag
GertiMJN · 13/05/2021 07:26

Was the reason for the visit simply to drop off the bag of cutlery?

Because to me it's odd that when opening the door the bag wasn't mentioned.

You say he wanted to show you something, so perhaps he expected your sister to leave the bag?
He may have thought it odd that she kept it with her.

But, its still weird to move towards someone and physically remove something from her person.

HalzTangz · 13/05/2021 07:27

@ImprobablePuffin

If he is her friend's husband, they must know each other fairly well?

Could it be the case that he assumed it wouldn't be a problem to just take his bag without wanting to interrupt?

At the end of the day if a woman says she doesn't want to be touched then that should be respected. However, this is just a really odd scenario (for me) to get wound up about.

Or could it be the case he tried something on with the lady in the past that caused her to get upset with him entering her personal space. I'm glad she spoke out to him, but I think this delves deeper to him just taking a bag
Griefmonster · 13/05/2021 07:46

Still confused... Have I got the scenario right?:
Your sister borrows plastic cutlery from a friend.
(Why is she returning to the husband and not the friend?)
You accompany sister to friends house to return cutlery.
Husband opens door and you 3 immediately head away from house to look at something, closely followed by friend.
(Your sister doesn't hand over bag of cutlery when husband first opens door and doesn't when friend appears)
During brief chat husband removes bag from your sisters shoulder without saying anything.

I find your sister's behaviour strange in not handing it over

I find husband's behaviour strange in not asking for bag and in removing bag without permission.

I don't find your sister's behaviour strange in calling him out on his actions.

I find it strange husband situation would be immediately awkward rather than him apologising and everyone moving on.

Of course he should have asked before removing the bag. It was strange of him not to. Your sister's strange behaviour doesn't excuse that.

I'm fine with her calling him out but am baffled as to why she wouldn't just hand it over as soon as she saw him go for it?!

I feel like I'm reading a scene from a David Lynch film....

ChewtonRoad · 13/05/2021 07:51

After a brief chat he came over and silently removed the bag from her shoulder taking it into the house.
Revolting behaviour, very inappropriate.

Sister told him never to invade her space again without asking first.
Considering what the man did your sister's response was diplomatic and restrained.

Tlollj · 13/05/2021 08:02

Perhaps he has been a bit over familiar in the past. Your sister obviously doesn’t want him doing it.

toocoldforsno · 13/05/2021 08:40

@BlossomOnTrees

The straps were thick so he managed to ease it off her shoulder without touching her. It's all so strange.
No he didn't, thats not possible.
ImprobablePuffin · 13/05/2021 09:00

@HalzTangz I'm inclined to agree re this going deeper than the bag.

Having said that we don't know the sisters past or what she has been through.

For me personally I don't find taking your own bag of someone's shoulder 'intimate' or 'quietly controlling' as PP's have said.

FoxgloveBee · 13/05/2021 09:51

It wouldn't bother me unless he was someone I didn't like (male or female) but good on your sister for saying she wasn't comfortable with his behaviour. He won't do it in future.

LettyLoman · 13/05/2021 09:58

I don't see how he took a bag off your sisters shoulder without touching her? Shoulders are near breast and men love getting close with out touching as I know from experience, personally I would have stepped back and wouldn't have let him get as far as reaching for the bag.

The man was too familiar. Your sister behaved the way we should show all women to behave. Protect your space.

InTheGreatGreenRoom · 13/05/2021 10:05

I'd be proud if my dds reacted like this to someone doing that tbh, she had good boundaries and expressed them well in the moment. He was weird and creepy, who walks silently up to someone and takes something off them without saying something, it's bizarre and inappropriate.