Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not understand this?

167 replies

BlossomOnTrees · 11/05/2021 12:23

Was with sister earlier on and she was carrying a bag which she was going to give to the husband of her friend. It was over her shoulder. After a brief chat he came over and silently removed the bag from her shoulder taking it into the house. Sister told him never to invade her space again without asking first. It was incredibly awkward and he also looked very embarrassed. Nothing has happened to her as in abuse so I am a bit perplexed as to the strong reaction. Aibu to say she completely over reacted and made a big deal out of nothing?

OP posts:
Thatisnotwhatisaid · 12/05/2021 04:07

Big deal over nothing I think. I’m guessing he just didn’t want to interrupt the conversation.

Downunderduchess · 12/05/2021 04:31

Good on her for speaking up & letting him know her boundaries. If she doesn’t like people invading her space in that way then she is entitled to say that. I don’t like random people getting too close to me either, never have.

sunshinesontv · 12/05/2021 04:54

I think I'd hate a stranger doing it, but wouldn't really mind if a friend did it - male or female. I suppose it depends on the context but if op thought her sister's reaction was odd, then it was probably odd.

CrikeyPeg · 12/05/2021 05:21

Seems very intimate to me. Is there history between your sister and her friend's husband?

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 12/05/2021 05:34

@NiceGerbil

This whole thing is bizarre.

Handing over the bag can't have been that urgent. She was there and had it and was clearly going to drop it off. What's the rush?

Bag is for wife, why didn't she nip out? I mean unless she was out and had said look DH so and so is bringing s handbag round and it's secretly full of drugs so get it off the street. Or similar.

Coming out and not saying oh hello is that the bag hello other person. Shall I take that? Ok. Silently taking it. Very odd.

Her response. Also odd. Not oh hello blah etc yep there's the bag. But. Do not invade my personal space again! Who says that in real life? Not anyone I know.

There must be a backstory here. It's all bonkers.

Couldn’t agree more. I’m confused all round.
Original poster
BlossomOnTrees · 12/05/2021 12:39

He opened the door first. He then went to show us something down the road and his partner quickly ran out after us, so we walked off all together. After a very brief chat, almost 2 minutes in, he then removed the bag from my sisters shoulder. I actually think he was doing her a favour but she didn't see it like that and it was as I said, very awkward. All I can think is that he is over a foot taller than her so she felt threatened when he did that but I do not know.

OP posts:
BlueVelvetStars · 12/05/2021 13:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
BlossomOnTrees · 12/05/2021 13:19

B what?

OP posts:
BlueVelvetStars · 12/05/2021 13:29

I think your Sisters response to her Husband was bizarre.

LittlestBoho · 12/05/2021 13:30

Good for your sister. It's weird to silently remove an item from someone. Why did the husband think that was ok? It is weirdly intimate, like "I don't need to check this is ok with you, I'll just take this and you'll suck it up."

Most women would stay quiet so as not to cause a scene but why should we? Next time the husband will think twice before he invades a woman's personal space without any warning.

For full disclosure, I have been victimised in the past and am jumpy around men, but obviously I don't go around telling people this. A woman shouldn't need to apologetically excuse herself for not wanting to have her space invaded.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 12/05/2021 13:37

Do they know each other well?

If it was a bag that both of them knew was for him and that’s why she had brought it, I can see why he would take it from her. I don’t know if it was just an empty bag or there was something in it so maybe he thought it might be heavy. If someone had brought me a bag and I knew it was likely heavy, I’d take it from them.

SuperMonkeys · 12/05/2021 13:56

How well do they know each other? I know most of my friends' husband's and in this scenario would just smile acknowledgement of their taking it and continued talking. It doesn't seem like an invasion of space to me.

MargateSands · 12/05/2021 13:59

He’s clearly an entitled misogynist. Your sister’s friend should LTB over this.

MoreAloneTime · 12/05/2021 14:16

None of us know what his intentions were but it's odd behaviour. Reminds me of that bit in The Office when David moved the wheelchair to get past rather than saying excuse me to the woman.

FuckyouCovid21 · 12/05/2021 14:22

I couldn't get worked up about this, she knew she was giving the bag to him so I don't understand why she was so worked up about him taking it. Can't say I'd be bothered at all

Thehawki · 12/05/2021 14:25

Haha this just seems like two people who have polar opposite ideas of personal space and what is appropriate. He likely thought he was doing her a favour, she thought he was being weird and in her space. Honestly, she’s set the boundary and he won’t do it again. I don’t think anyone was right or wrong 🤷‍♀️

MoreAloneTime · 12/05/2021 14:36

None of us know what his intentions were but it's odd behaviour. Reminds me of that bit in The Office when David moved the wheelchair to get past rather than saying excuse me to the woman.

Thehawki · 12/05/2021 14:36

Haha this just seems like two people who have polar opposite ideas of personal space and what is appropriate. He likely thought he was doing her a favour, she thought he was being weird and in her space. Honestly, she’s set the boundary and he won’t do it again. I don’t think anyone was right or wrong 🤷‍♀️

Thehawki · 12/05/2021 15:39

Haha this just seems like two people who have polar opposite ideas of personal space and what is appropriate. He likely thought he was doing her a favour, she thought he was being weird and in her space. Honestly, she’s set the boundary and he won’t do it again. I don’t think anyone was right or wrong 🤷‍♀️

Pricklykaktus · 12/05/2021 15:55

This is so weird and random. One thing I am certain of though OP is you’re not going to find your answer on here!

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 12/05/2021 17:04

She was spot on.

More women should speak up like this.

He could easily have just opened his mouth and asked.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 12/05/2021 17:11

Plus I agree it’s an intimate thing to do. Had to read it a couple of times to make sure it wasn’t his own wife he’d taken the bag from, in which case it would seem normal.

Also that’s why people are saying addda

katy1213 · 12/05/2021 17:25

Your sister sounds like a complete ratbag.

toocoldforsno · 12/05/2021 17:26

How are so many people saying the sister is odd? Bottom line, you don't touch women without their permission. End of fucking story.

Anyone saying a women is odd or weird or rude for not wanting men to touch her when she doesn't want to needs to get a fucking hold of themselves and join the 21st century.

toocoldforsno · 12/05/2021 17:27

@katy1213

Your sister sounds like a complete ratbag.
No idea what a ratbag is but seems more like you are one than the perfectly normal sister Hmm