Is having kids all its cracked up to be?

[Coldwine75]

Watching Location Location Location and all these young couples looking for homes to start their families, all dreaming of a house full of kids and idyllic bliss........is it like that though? I find having a family is mainly tiredness, stress, odd socks , messy house and theres some nice bits thrown in but its exhausting. I dont regret having having kids but its a constant worry , moreso as they get older and you have less and less influence over them.

I get why people turn grey......

I think so, yes. But everyone’s different, has different children, have different things going on in their lives.

Well depends what your "idyllic bliss" is.

For me a busy house with kids is bliss, but there are days i want to scream and sit in my jammies not looking or talking to anyone lol.

But we move

Having kids is extreme highs and extreme lows. Nothing makes me happier than being a parent but nothing is more terrifying than the worry that comes with it sooooo...... swings and roundabouts really isn't it.

No, I always come on to these threads to say that I find children overrated. Unfortunately this often isn't apparent until after you've had them, by which time you have to accept your life as you knew it is over and will be for the next 18 years.

I haven’t stopped worrying since I first took a notion to have children.

I think it's all I wanted and more. For me. Yes it's exhausting and relentless and thankless. But the love is beyond compare, my kids make me laugh every day, I love them more than anything. My life has purpose now. Life before kids was boring and pointless, now making them happy makes me happy. Even though I am knackered and stretched to my capacity 😅 might sound mushy and pathetic but it works for me!

@Chunkymenrock

No, I always come on to these threads to say that I find children overrated. Unfortunately this often isn't apparent until after you've had them, by which time you have to accept your life as you knew it is over and will be for the next 18 years.

Not 18 years, that's a myth too, my mum worries about me/ us and im well in my 40s

Plus 20 somethings now living at home for much longer these days...................

I think when deciding to have children it's very much through rose tinted glasses for most people (otherwise more people wouldn't do it in the first place!).

A lot of my friends who have had kids say that they didn't think much past getting pregnant or having a small baby, when they had the real thing it was a bit of a shock!

Have any of them said they’re looking for ‘idyllic bliss’?

If you don’t regret having kids why be surprised at other people wanting them?

I think it is yeah...I read a quote from someone a while back that said they felt more full of a member of human race after having kids, and that resonated with me. Apart from the fact that mine are a lovely age (early primary), and I find them the best little people in the world, I also feel more connected to my family and wider community than I did before theey were born.
I accept that that sounds a bit weird and hippy :D

@Yamaya

I think it's all I wanted and more. For me. Yes it's exhausting and relentless and thankless. But the love is beyond compare, my kids make me laugh every day, I love them more than anything. My life has purpose now. Life before kids was boring and pointless, now making them happy makes me happy. Even though I am knackered and stretched to my capacity 😅 might sound mushy and pathetic but it works for me!

They must be young, my teens make me laugh sometimes but more than not its the opposite !!

Yep i think most people just mainly think of the cute baby to be fair, they dont think further down the line !! I love it but what i am saying is it isnt all fun and laughter and hugs, its a hard job !!

It's totally overrated, loads of people lie about how great it is and if you dare to say you are not enjoying it you are judged and looked down upon.

Yeah, they haven’t got a clue...the reality can be very different to the idyllic notion...

@coldwine, yes I agree. I've been doing it for 21 years so far and its relentless... I only said 18 years because I knew I'd get ripped apart on here otherwise!

Ha ha everyone says '18' but that's so wrong, its waaaayyy longer

No.

Mess
Noise
Constant Worry
No sleep
Relationship suffers
No money

There are some pluses but not many.

With hindsight, I would have stayed child free.

I love mine and couldn’t imagine life without them. Although I could imagine a clean house, a tidy house, a full towel pile, a full fridge and money!

I'm early 30s and have gone from thinking that I definitely want kids, to now being unsure if it is the right decision for me and my partner (and potential children). A big part of this has come from watching my friends have theirs and struggle with the realities of being a parent. I didn't fully appreciate what a complete life change it is, how common post natal depression and anxiety are, how it might change my body and affect my relationships. I don't have much family support nearby either, which is a bit of a worry. I feel sorely jealous of friends who have supportive mums in their 50s and 60s, as I know I won't have that. It's the biggest decision I'll ever make and the fact that it's irreversible scares me.

I still get asked by people when I'm having kids all the time though, and looked at like a weirdo when I say I'm not 100% sure .

@Hobnobsandbroomstick

I think when deciding to have children it's very much through rose tinted glasses for most people (otherwise more people wouldn't do it in the first place!).

A lot of my friends who have had kids say that they didn't think much past getting pregnant or having a small baby, when they had the real thing it was a bit of a shock!

I don't have children and I think one of the reasons is I think way beyond this! My friends have a range of ages and one thing that seems like a lot of work is managing their education. Choosing schools, dealing with friends, any additional need or behaviour issues. Urgh just couldn't be arsed!

@Hobnobsandbroomstick

The lack of support is the hardest bit, believe me. I had none and it is such hard work without that support network.

I know couples who go out every weekend whilst their little ones go to Nanny’s or whatever. We have been out twice in 3 years.

@Hobnobsandbroomstick

I'm early 30s and have gone from thinking that I definitely want kids, to now being unsure if it is the right decision for me and my partner (and potential children). A big part of this has come from watching my friends have theirs and struggle with the realities of being a parent. I didn't fully appreciate what a complete life change it is, how common post natal depression and anxiety are, how it might change my body and affect my relationships. I don't have much family support nearby either, which is a bit of a worry. I feel sorely jealous of friends who have supportive mums in their 50s and 60s, as I know I won't have that. It's the biggest decision I'll ever make and the fact that it's irreversible scares me.

I still get asked by people when I'm having kids all the time though, and looked at like a weirdo when I say I'm not 100% sure .

I'm almost 29 and I feel the same. If someone could guarantee me 100% I won't regret not having children, I wouldn't.

@Coldwine75

Yep i think most people just mainly think of the cute baby to be fair, they dont think further down the line !! I love it but what i am saying is it isnt all fun and laughter and hugs, its a hard job !!

So agree with this, I think lots of people think about having a little baby and then having a family/grandkids when they're older...not as much the bits in between when you're juggling school runs and after-school hobbies with work for years on end and never really get any time to yourself/with your partner.

@Hobnobsandbroomstick

I'm early 30s and have gone from thinking that I definitely want kids, to now being unsure if it is the right decision for me and my partner (and potential children). A big part of this has come from watching my friends have theirs and struggle with the realities of being a parent. I didn't fully appreciate what a complete life change it is, how common post natal depression and anxiety are, how it might change my body and affect my relationships. I don't have much family support nearby either, which is a bit of a worry. I feel sorely jealous of friends who have supportive mums in their 50s and 60s, as I know I won't have that. It's the biggest decision I'll ever make and the fact that it's irreversible scares me.

I still get asked by people when I'm having kids all the time though, and looked at like a weirdo when I say I'm not 100% sure .

Yes I'm sort of similar, although the realisation for me has been through having a partner with children, so I have experienced living with kids and seeing what a relentless grind it can be.

I still want to go ahead but I definitely have a much more realistic (and depressing ) idea of what it will look like now.