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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is having kids all its cracked up to be?

184 replies

Coldwine75 · 10/05/2021 14:35

Watching Location Location Location and all these young couples looking for homes to start their families, all dreaming of a house full of kids and idyllic bliss........is it like that though? I find having a family is mainly tiredness, stress, odd socks , messy house and theres some nice bits thrown in but its exhausting. I dont regret having having kids but its a constant worry , moreso as they get older and you have less and less influence over them.

I get why people turn grey......

OP posts:
Blacktothepink · 11/05/2021 14:09

It’s lovely to have grandchildren though...because you can give them back 🤣

Popcornbetty · 11/05/2021 14:48

'We're sticking with one. Best of both worlds imo, we get to be parents and raise a child and everything that comes with that while still having plenty of free time and space for hobbies, relationships, down time, our careers, etc.'

@FrozenCucumberPresse Bare in mind two entertain each other if close in age and similar interests. I actually get to sit with a cup of tea sometimes while they play and amuse each other! In that respect having 2 is giving me more time to myself. They seem to get along apart from little misdemeanors caused by the youngest being so small still. i may change my mind if they start ighting as get older!

Popcornbetty · 11/05/2021 14:48

fighting *

FrozenCucumberPresse · 11/05/2021 16:03

@Popcornbetty

'We're sticking with one. Best of both worlds imo, we get to be parents and raise a child and everything that comes with that while still having plenty of free time and space for hobbies, relationships, down time, our careers, etc.'

@FrozenCucumberPresse Bare in mind two entertain each other if close in age and similar interests. I actually get to sit with a cup of tea sometimes while they play and amuse each other! In that respect having 2 is giving me more time to myself. They seem to get along apart from little misdemeanors caused by the youngest being so small still. i may change my mind if they start ighting as get older!

Unfortunately I have quite a few friends with kids close in age who absolutely despise one another, makes life very difficult always having to safeguard the little one from the big one and not give the smaller one too much attention so the big one doesn't fly into a jealous rage haha.

I can see the appeal if they do get along, but it wouldn't change the overall workload and financial stress would be vastly increased so it wouldn't be a worthwhile trade for me. Very happy with my one :)

Popcornbetty · 11/05/2021 19:32

@FrozenCucumberPresse i don't blame you as that would have put me off too! I'm in a circle where they generally tend to get on, unless too large of an age gap where jealousy, and differences can sometimes occur. I thought all of the same things as you and felt conflicted at first before deciding. Ultimately i did feel my family wasn't complete and like there was somebody missing. It turned out to be the best thing we could have done and they are lovely together and look for each other which is so sweet. I haven't found the workload too bad as if doing it for one anyway what's another. To be honest i found it alot worse going from 0-1 dc as i put more pressure on myself do was pleasantly surprised that this time around was a doddle compared to the first time. I feel my family is complete now and do not want a 3rd child so maybe feel like you do with one but with two. I am a firm believer that when you know you're done you really do know.

Popcornbetty · 11/05/2021 19:33

so*

teenagewhore · 11/05/2021 20:19

Bare in mind two entertain each other if close in age and similar interests.

Or antagonise each other to the point that they can't be left alone in the same room for the length of time it takes to pee.

1 is definitely best of both worlds. I say that as a mother of 2.

Popcornbetty · 11/05/2021 22:09

@teenagewhore oh no hope they settle down as they grow and this is temporary for you!

Chunkymenrock · 15/05/2021 07:43

'Bare' in mind? I'd rather keep my clothes on thanks. It's 'bear'.

Mummadeze · 15/05/2021 07:49

I have one child and have loved the experience of being a mother. I think my brain edits out any bad bits because if I try to recall them, I can’t. I suppose worrying about her future is a slight negative but she has undoubtedly changed my life for the better.

Iwantcauliflowercheese · 15/05/2021 08:16

It's really hard work, but the long term gains are worth it. I have three wonderful adult children and six grandchildren. I have so many hugs and kisses and declarations of love from the younger three GC that it makes me so happy. The adult GC are caring and make me proud. All the worry and broken nights are just a blip in a lifetime of love.

ClarkeGriffin · 15/05/2021 08:18

@Hobnobsandbroomstick

I think when deciding to have children it's very much through rose tinted glasses for most people (otherwise more people wouldn't do it in the first place!).

A lot of my friends who have had kids say that they didn't think much past getting pregnant or having a small baby, when they had the real thing it was a bit of a shock!

That's very narrow minded of them. They know the baby part only lasts a short time, and then you've got a toddler which can be OK or hell, then young child which is when you need to start education, dealing with friendships issues, bullying possibly, refusal to eat certain things, then the hormonal teenagers and then finally they are adults. But thanks to the world now they still might be at home, and even if not the worry never goes away.

There are some good points, but it's mostly bad.

Babystepstinyshoes · 15/05/2021 08:56

Imo if you have one NT DC you are winning at life.
I have two DC. One is NT and one isn’t. I love them both, obviously, but if I only had one dc then life would be a lot easier. Even actually if they weren’t NT because then I could focus on them totally and I think their life would be easier in lots of ways too.

But I’m not certain in all honesty I’d have them if I knew then what I know now.
I’m not convinced it’s worth all the worry and essentially spending your whole life doing things you don’t want to to please someone else. Every thing you do has to be considered on how it will affect someone else. It’s just hard work and maybe I was too selfish to have dc.

HeadNorth · 15/05/2021 08:58

It can be a long haul but worth it in the end - mine are now adults and totally wonderful, I am so proud of them and without a doubt they were worth every sleepless night and dirty nappy.

AnnaSW1 · 15/05/2021 09:07

Yes!

Popcornbetty · 15/05/2021 09:39

@Chunkymenrock thanks for correcting my mistake, what a star you are Grin

Brainfogmcfogface · 15/05/2021 09:46

Yes. Mine are pure joy, my life would be beyond sad without them. I have love in my life for the first time. I wouldn’t be without them, couldn’t. My two were playing tea party’s yesterday and I actually thought this is the dream right here. So it has its idyllic moments.

Cantrecall · 15/05/2021 09:59

No it’s mostly shit and I wish I had realised this before I had them but everyone believes the big con

Urbanhymngirl · 15/05/2021 10:00

It’s funny reading this thread- I love being a mum but it is a huge sacrifice and I am just getting bit of my life back now.

I have a friend who is pregnant with her first at 47 and she loves cuddly babies but I can’t help thinking she really hasn’t thought through the fact that she’ll be in her 60’s with a teenager!!

riotlady · 15/05/2021 10:12

For me it’s been the most joyful, tiring, stressful, wonderful, frustrating, beautiful, boring thing I’ve ever done. I wouldn’t change it.

felulageller · 15/05/2021 22:17

No and when they reach adulthood it's worst- it's then you realise it was all for nothing.

FourTurnings · 15/05/2021 22:32

Having fun with my grown up DS is one of the things i love most in my life. There’s no one I like chatting with more, I don’t think.

Original poster
Coldwine75 · 16/05/2021 20:47

@felulageller

No and when they reach adulthood it's worst- it's then you realise it was all for nothing.
oh gosh thats sad, why is it all for nothing?
OP posts:
Original poster
Coldwine75 · 16/05/2021 20:48

@Brainfogmcfogface

Yes. Mine are pure joy, my life would be beyond sad without them. I have love in my life for the first time. I wouldn’t be without them, couldn’t. My two were playing tea party’s yesterday and I actually thought this is the dream right here. So it has its idyllic moments.
Because they are little and cute.............
OP posts:
FourTurnings · 16/05/2021 21:39

Yes then they get big and not so cute but weirdly you love them just as much.