Is having kids all its cracked up to be?

[Coldwine75]

Watching Location Location Location and all these young couples looking for homes to start their families, all dreaming of a house full of kids and idyllic bliss........is it like that though? I find having a family is mainly tiredness, stress, odd socks , messy house and theres some nice bits thrown in but its exhausting. I dont regret having having kids but its a constant worry , moreso as they get older and you have less and less influence over them.

I get why people turn grey......

[Piglet89]

I think there are many, many more parents nowadays who will stop at one because they feel any more would just be too much.

I probably wouldn’t be able to have any more anyway because of poor fertility - but one is also enough for me, luckily. It’s harder work and more all-consuming than I ever, ever imagined, to be honest.

[ThornAmongstRoses]

No, it’s not all it’s cracked up to be.
It’s relentless, stressful, life consuming and very frustrating at times.

[Alonelonelylonersbadidea]

I have been a parent now for 25 years. When pregnant with my first and working out if I'd still have a life after (I would be 40 when baby turned 18) I thought 'I can do this!'
I should've stopped at one.

It's the relentlessness of being poor. I am always skint. I have a good career, and decent salary. Yet I am always skint.
I am constantly stressed about them. About money. About their health. It's just hideous.
Discussed this with my STBEH the other day abs we both said we wouldn't have kids if we'd known them what we know now.
The pluses do not outweigh the negatives for us.

[Grumblesigh]

I thought it would be relentless stress and worry and exhaustion. That's all anyone kept telling me about parenthood. So that's what I thought it was cracked up to be!

I have loved it. Would absolutely do it all again.

[georgarina]

It is exhausting but for me my life is so much more full and complete with them.

It was empty before - I never had a family of my own so that was part of it. I was always on the outside of everything, never anyone's priority. Now I fit in somewhere - in my family, with other parents.

I'm definitely tired and would love more time to relax - but hopefully that'll come when they're older.

[Okbutnotgreat]

It’s hard and it gets harder. Then they’re teenagers and you learn a whole new definition of hard and then if you’re lucky they’re adults and on the whole brilliant, interesting people in their own right. When things are bad it’s tough indeed but when they’re happy and things are going well it makes you happy in a way you just don’t experience unless you’re a parent.

[Whoopsies]

For me it's been everything I dreamed it would be. I love every part of having kids. I feel like their younger years are going by so fast and I will miss all the chaos so much when they're older!

[sHREDDIES19]

See I don’t think the ‘constant worry’ is a thing all parents have inbuilt. Of course I want the best for mine and am careful to ensure they are kept safe and are healthy, but aside from that I’ve never understood t experienced this notion. I must add I’m a natural glass half full person, never worried about things outside my control pre kids and thankfully having kids hasn’t changed that. So it doesn’t have to feel like a stressful never ending journey😊

[33goingon64]

I have a 10yo and 5yo and have felt since day 1 that it's 50% stress/irritation/worry and 50% joy. If you can cope with that I think parenting is worth it.

[Mother87]

Making the presumption that loving them is a 'given' ... the so far, 35 years of worry/exhaustion/many 'fails' and just a few 'wins'... the emotional toll for them (when I was impatient/overly busy/hiding in plain-sight with weariness/very harsh when stressed myself)... Am not sure what it IS cracked up to be... but I'm nearly 60 and my friends and I often lament the fact that none of it seems to get 'easier' - the demands on our time/emotion and money rarely change - ALL of which could be 'our' fault for parenting mistakes... And the feeling that, no matter how hard you try - there's always/usually some thunderbolt/crisis round the corner.
I now understand why my father NEVER stopped worrying about us until he passed away recently at 89 - even though we never 'burdened' him with all the ups and downs... Cannot imagine life WITHOUT them... and I would give my life FOR them - but never known true peace since I had them... just being honest...

[lazylinguist]

I think it varies enormously. If you are fairly comfortable financially, have good relationships with your partner and preferably your extended family, and if you have fairly 'easy' kids, it absolutely can be what it's cracked up to be. Oh and I definitely wasn't just thinking of the cute babies. That was the least interesting stage!

[Nonbio46]

My two are 21 and 18 ( boys) and I had absolutely no idea that the older they get the more I worry. Babies and toddlers are a doddle compared to older ‘kids’. Parenting is definitely not for sissies.

[Roselilly36]

Having my DS’ has made my life, mine are 19 & 18 now, the best decision ever to be a mum. I would do it all again if I could. I agree you never stop worrying about them, but it is so worth it. I love my boys to bits.

[PlantDoctor]

I think, with the exception of the first three months when we had some health concerns and then colic, I have overall enjoyed being a parent so far. DD is only 18 months but it's so exciting to watch her learn new things each day. I have a supportive DH who is great with her after work and on weekends. I work in the evenings (self-employed editor) so I do miss having free time to myself, but no, I think it's great so far.

[EmeraldShamrock]

There is days where I long for freedom especially throughout lockdown I felt I'd regrets for the first time ever.
I'm back in love and feel guilty for having a pang of regret.
They're my everything.
It isn't always easy but it is extremely rewarding.

[EmeraldShamrock]

One is much easier than two.
It was blissful for 6 years with one.

[Thisisworsethananticpated]

If I didn’t have kids I’d have way
Less motivation to work , stay healthy (ha!) and keep going

I just had them and was fortunate enough to get pregnant

But it’s a huge responsibility

And if they have health issue - Jesus

That’s your sanity fucked

[Newmumatlast]

To be honest, though I have all of the stressors everyone is stating and my child is 'spirited' I do think having children is all its cracked up to be. But then I dont think I was under and false impression that it wouldn't be one of the most challenging things I've ever done

[NoIDontWatchLoveIsland]

For me it 100% is. My children are bloody brilliant and I love life with them, mess and all.

[motherloaded]

If I didn’t have kids I’d have way
Less motivation to work

oh yes, but then again, without kids, I wouldn't have a suitable-sized house in a very good catchment area and a ridiculous mortgage, and holidays would mean 2 plane tickets out of season instead of 6 tickets in full-peak times.

And don't get me started on the FOOD!

I would earn a hell of lot less, but would be spending so much less...

It would probably have been a mistake to retire at 35 anyway!

[Popcornbetty]

It is so much tougher than i ever envisioned esp as i'm in the thick of it with a preschooler and a baby, so incredibly relentless. However it is actually more satisfying than i ever imagined.
I realise it isn't for everyone bit my dc give me a form of happiness and a depth of love that i never knew existed. They make it easy to get up everyday. I used to laze around in bed not wanting to get up for work, hitting snooze then would waste my evenings after work and always thought i was tired and had no time! The truth was i could have written a book i had so much!
I now get up with a smile on my face looking forward to seeing their faces and make them breakfast. I make the most of any time i get to myself now and have a new appreciation for life. I felt something was missing before and now feel whole and fulfilled.

[Popcornbetty]

but*

[Popcornbetty]

Also me and dh were just saying the other day as well how boring life was without them. We had fulltime jobs, travelled etc but it wasnt the same or half as much fun. I look forward to taking dc's to some of the places we've visited and seeing their faces; it feels like the first time again in a sense seeing the world through their eyes.

[FrozenCucumberPresse]

Everyone is different. For some their expectations were met. For others, they weren't. Some expect it to be a nightmare and are pleasantly surprised. Some think it'll be walking on sunshine every day and are disappointed.

For me? Yeah, it truly is. Wanted to be a parent more than words can express, and never thought I'd get to do it. Have one toddler and can honestly say every hour of the day I think to myself how incredibly lucky I am to get to be doing this. I love it all. I love being the mum with the screaming toddler in the supermarket. I love getting weed and pooed on. I love sucking his snot up with a nose Frida when he's snotty. I love when he has a tantrum and the opportunity to support him through it. It's so cheesy but it's all an absolute dream. Keep wondering when the bubble of love will burst but it just hasn't yet. Maybe when he hits three haha.

Having said all that, I'm 1000% confident I wouldn't be anywhere near as happy or fulfilled with two. We're sticking with one. Best of both worlds imo, we get to be parents and raise a child and everything that comes with that while still having plenty of free time and space for hobbies, relationships, down time, our careers, etc.

I've spoken to quite a few parents who deeply regret having had children. They love their kids but if they could go back in time they wouldn't have done it. And that's okay, it's a decision you can't fully imagine living until you're in it, and once you're in it you can't go backwards. Having kids isn't for everyone, and it shouldn't be seen as the default.

[FrozenCucumberPresse]

@Piglet89

I think there are many, many more parents nowadays who will stop at one because they feel any more would just be too much.

I probably wouldn’t be able to have any more anyway because of poor fertility - but one is also enough for me, luckily. It’s harder work and more all-consuming than I ever, ever imagined, to be honest.

It's also way more socially accepted to state you want one and be happy with it. People do still make daft comments about loneliness and siblings etc. but on the whole I think fewer people sleep walk into a second, third child. Most people weigh it up and go ahead if it's what they actually want.

We always thought we wanted two, until we had one, and then we realised one is just right.