Is having kids all its cracked up to be?

[Coldwine75]

Watching Location Location Location and all these young couples looking for homes to start their families, all dreaming of a house full of kids and idyllic bliss........is it like that though? I find having a family is mainly tiredness, stress, odd socks , messy house and theres some nice bits thrown in but its exhausting. I dont regret having having kids but its a constant worry , moreso as they get older and you have less and less influence over them.

I get why people turn grey......

YABU

Not everyone commits to children blindly (not everyone commits to marriage blindly either!).

I think you have to accept that life will be DIFFERENT. Expecting kids to slot into your child-free life is never going to work.

Life can be great with children, if you make it work and you adapt. Having children too young can be a huge mistake too, personally having a life before hand means it was the right thing to do. We are all different.

It's like holidays, some people try to replicate adult holidays with babies or toddlers and moan it's hard work. Plan a holiday to make your life easier and happier is the way to go. It's easier to deal with your kids on holiday than in real life if you ask me!

You do worry, that is true. But you care, so how can you not worry?

I love my children but think it’s definitely over rated. I think social media portrays a very inaccurate image of motherhood because posters heavily sanitise their posts.

It's a massive con.

For women - totally life buggering. Destroyed career, financial suicide, no let up for 18-20 years at least.

And you never know what kind of child/person you're going to get.

I'm of the generation where is was just expected, to get married, to have kids, blah blah blah. I didn't even think about it critically, about what it would be like in reality.

I would never recommend parenthood to anyone who hasn't fully thought through the consequences and is prepared to sacrifice their whole life.

The little kids stage / babies is sleep deprived and non stop.....the primary age is ok but still full, teenager stage is a whole other ball game.....give me toddlers over teens any day, however the early mornings and sleep deprivation i wouldnt want, teens and young adults are a constant worry

I often wonder if it's the bit when they're grown up and moved out and you get the adult relationship, friendship and support which makes it all worthwhile in the end. That's certainly what looks most attractive to me anyway...

NO. I'd highly advice anyone who is swithering, no 100% sure, to not do it.

I think it is, for me, so far, but I think I went in with eyes fairly open.

In our case we both spent our twenties studying, traveling, building career, etc etc. Had first at 35. Tbh, I've done all the clubbing/pubbing/etc I was ever going to. Have traveled and lived in far away places, was at a point in my career where staying in the same job for a few years would be expected and would not have a negative long term effect so I can sit out a couple of mat leaves and not have it stand out on my cv. Also almost all our friends have kids already so we were going to end up either needing to find lots of new people to hang out with or spend our weekends in the park or at child-friendly brunch spots anyway. So all that meant we didn't and don't feel we are missing out on lots of other fun we could be having if we were child-free.

I still have a pre-schooler, so I'm at the physically exhausted stage, but so far I find that the days feel longer and harder but also more rewarding in lots of ways. I get more joy out of things, its like a new perspective. Getting to teach and experience things in a different way. From a purely selfish perspective, there's a lot that I've personally got out of it.

BUT. I have a genuinely equal co-parent who has taken at least half of the burden. And I couldn't have done it without that. I'm someone who always wanted children, but I now know I literally would have had a breakdown if I had ever tried single parenting a baby. And I work full-time or four days a week (have switched between both) so have a break that way too.

I appreciate having teenagers will be tough in different ways. But I'm also interested by what that will be like, having conversations, etc etc. It is very different when there are special needs and health issues and that's totally unpredictable but I feel like I am glad I've been able to be a mother, and it hasn't involved sacrificing my life. But equally I really did do a lot of planning and thinking about timing to make sure I was in the best financial and career position to do this.

I fought to have children - emotionally physically and financially (miscarriages near fatal ectopics multiple rounds of IVF). I nearly gave it everything including my life

Being a mother is everything I imagined it to be. That's not to say it's perfect but I had realistic expectations going in. Some days it's bloody hard and agree about the massive highs and lows.

But sat here whilst cuddling my baby twins I wouldn't change things for anything even though I've not slept in 5 years, we have zero money and can't afford to move, have zero time, no holidays, no eating out and I only managed to give myself half a bikini wax the other day before I was interrupted 🤣

@DeeplyMovingExperience

It's a massive con.

For women - totally life buggering. Destroyed career, financial suicide, no let up for 18-20 years at least.

And you never know what kind of child/person you're going to get.

I'm of the generation where is was just expected, to get married, to have kids, blah blah blah. I didn't even think about it critically, about what it would be like in reality.

I would never recommend parenthood to anyone who hasn't fully thought through the consequences and is prepared to sacrifice their whole life.

I have 4 kids. I have not sacrifice my whole life, or any part of my life!

I don't think you should have kids or need kids to be happy, but if you want them, it's the best thing you could have.

I am not a martyr, but having my family makes me happy. I wish we had more holidays, I wish we could win the lottery possibly (I also wish we could get out of the pandemic!) but everything else is good.

I think that not having kids too early means you had a life and no regret. If you didn't achieve this, didn't travel there, it's because you didn't want to. You can't blame children on what you haven't done.

If you feel you are wasting your life away, you need to rethink it. You can't get rid of your children, obviously, but you should make changes. Life is too short.

I didn't have them. I wanted them, but circumstances meant that I didn't get to have them. I had raging broodiness in my late 30s and early 40s, but got through that, and I have to say, at 48, life is good. I don't have much family - parents and siblings died very early, so I wouldn't have had the support system that my friends all had. Someone said they felt sorry for me the other day, but I have to say, I have led a happy, interesting, and full life, with friends and on my own, and in a way I'm glad I didn't have them because I wouldn't have had the experiences I did have. There's more than one route to happiness, and children don't have to be on that path.

Being a parent is fucking soul destroying.

No it isn't and if I had my time again I would definitely not have had a DC.

There. I said it.

Having kids is completely overrated IMO. I knew it would be hard, but I was touted the 'but it's all worth it' and 'it's different with your own' lines and fell into the trap. As much as I love my DD, I've lost myself and I'm not sure that's worth it.

All I ever wanted was to have children. I was very lucky and was able to be a sahm for ten years, so got to do all the nice things - school trips, plays etc. and had plenty of time for housework etc. I found the toddler years depressing and lonely a lot of the time as I didn't have many friends. I am also nc with family so had no outside support.
Now they are both teens, and I am trying to forge a career for myself, and do training at the same time, my teens do fuck all to make my life easier, and it hurts, I literally gave up everything for them. I know I made a rod for my own back by doing everything for them, but I thought at this age we could pull together more as a team. That just doesn't happen and I am still run ragged after them.

No it's not...l love my now grown up kids but none of it was easy...even now I'm still having to deal with random crises in Thier lives when to honest, l just want to get on with my life. Life would have been easier without them..but l suppose l would always have wondered what l was missing if l hadn't had them🤣.
But apparently you should never say these things

We’re childfree by choice, and our lives still have plenty of purpose thank you very much!

We’re at ages where we could still change our minds, but it’s becoming increasingly unlikely. We have nieces and nephews, and as much as we love them, they never make us think “we wish we had our own”.

I've enjoyed it but I always wanted them.

However I was warned a little bit by my Mum that it was hard work - I do have a supportive DH and he's hand on - and there's still been hard times.

Also it's like the recent www.mumsnet.com/Talk/mumsnet_classics/4231572-What-is-supposed-to-be-romantic-but-just-bloody-isn-t thread - some of the stuff that was supposed to be bonding/fun hasn't been reading bedtimes hated it - school plays first few great but three lots multiple times a year just no - and it's the smaller random stuff that's been full of joy.

The older and more reasonable they get I think yes they are worth it but for the first three to four years I thought everyone was in on a whopper of a lie! I hated practically every single day with babies/toddlers.

Logically I know everyone and every family situation is different yet the reality is I still can't wrap my head around how anyone enjoys the early years, I really struggle to understand what there is to enjoy?! Quite a few of my friends are pregnant with their third babies and I think they're completely crazy to do it to themselves again. I don't voice this obviously but the self sacrifice involved for women just isnt worth doing three times IMO.

It’s twists and turns OP.

If you was to ask me lately it would be NO!!

yes having kids is hard I had a girl then twin boys when she was almost three i have no family nearby, i moved from southern ireland to northern ireland when I met my now husband who is from here. I found that and still find it very tough no family close by i stayed home with them coz childcare would have been too expensive. his parents live in the country they do help sometimes and are good people but still a good bit away. my god its the hardest thing I have ever done i always worked before I had them but gave it up,they are 7 and ten now and have good personalities can be funny and i love them but there are still hard days .Theyre back in school are back in school but I am struggling to find something that fits around school pick up so am trying to run my own business but its isolating too my husband earns good money thankfully but is busy with work commitments a lot.. Also lockdown and covid hasn't helped its really highlighted how much i miss my family i think it makes a big difference when you have kids having support near by.

It my utter suprise Countrycode I liked the early years - it was the primary years I found hard - mine got very tried had very late tratrums and needed a lot of home support with basics like reading, spelling maths and handwriting and on top a shit ton of busy homework.

It got better when we moved areas and schools and with age they've needed less additional support - but at the time it felt it took all the time up and it was a massive stress.

No its not

Love mine intensely but if I could go back knowing what I know now I wouldn’t do it.

I would live selfishly ever after 🤣

Depends on a load of factors really. I think there are a lot of people who have kids because they think they should, or because it’s “what you do”, or because time is running out and they don’t want to regret it. You just have to go into it with your eyes open. We have a DD, 9 months and are stopping at one - that’s enough for us.