To be cross with our childminder?

[ranging]

Name changed.

DD has been going to the same childminder since she was 8 months and she is now 2.5. She absolutely loves it there and she's very kind and friendly, I get lots of crafts home that DD does and they go out and do a lot.

DD is going through a challenging phase, not doing as she's told, very stubborn, sometimes hitting and biting.

When I picked her up on Friday, the childminder said that she had taken her shoes and socks off in the car and was refusing to put them back on, so she took her out the car and put him on the (wet and muddy) ground in her bare feet and told her basically that's what you get for not putting your shoes on. She apparently got upset by this and then finally allowed her to put her shoes back on.

I was a bit taken aback by this, AIBU to tell her I am not happy about this at all? I'm not sure if this is an ok tactic to use with a toddler but I never would and don't want anyone else to treat her like that either.

It’s an ok tactic. I’d probably have done the same as a parent.

If it wasn’t cold to be in bare feet on the ground this wouldn’t bother me. Natural consequences, I believe it’s called. The cm knew exactly what she was doing - DD quickly realised what the socks and shoes were for.

To me it looks like an okay disciplinary and teaching tactic as long as the ground isn't freezing cold

Why didn’t you raise it at the time?
What it is you dislike about it?
I’ve done it before. Surely it illustrates perfectly why the child needs shoes and socks on?

You're upset because your toddlers' feet were (briefly) muddy?

@DeathStare

You're upset because your toddlers' feet were (briefly) muddy?

On a really cold, wet day.

Her method worked. Be grateful and use it!!

I would do it with my children . I wouldnt with someone elses but not sure what else she could have done.

She had other kids to deal with. She’s working. She’s not going to spend ages wheedling and cajoling with a stubborn tantruming toddler (which is also not the best way to deal with toddlers) and end up being hit and bit.

What would you have preferred the childminder to do?

Consequences. The child finds socks and shoes annoying. Learns one of the reasons for putting up with the slight irritation. It's not exactly cruel. I've regularly done barefoot walks with kids for the sensory side, it's spring not the depths of winter. Seems fine.

The childminder used a natural consequence with good effect. As long as it was done in an a calm way with no shaming, I think it sounds fine.

Which left her with no damage and showed her why socks and shoes are good
Sounds fine to me.

I’d do this sort of thing as a parent for sure. I think I’d be a little surprised to hear my childminder had done it but I don’t think I’d be bothered. As above, it shows the child why their behaviour is a problem. It’s no different to letting a child paddle in a stream or go in a sandpit, in terms of the physical experience, surely?

I wouldn't expect a nursery to use this type of 'discipline' and therefore I'd say that a childminder shouldn't do it either. If a parent thinks it's appropriate, crack on, but it's not something to do to a child that isn't yours

Actions=consequences.

That is a good tactic for toddlers. Being on the ground for a couple of minutes didn’t hurt her. You don’t get frostbite or trench foot in May in England from briefly standing on wet ground.

Sounds like she got results from her method. Yabu.

I mean this in the kindest possible way but there is absolutely nothing wrong with what the childminder did. Maybe your pandering to DD is making her behaviour worse? She needs to learn that actions have consequences. How would you have dealt with the situation?

I think it’s a great technique she needs to learn actions have consequences.

OP- You do realise you cannot 'catch a cold' or get ill from a few seconds of muddy/cold feet? DD learnt the lesson, job done.

Its not like it CM was advising DD to touch something dangerous/hot etc!

I wouldn’t have been annoyed about this .She did it as a lesson ,not a punishment and it worked.

So how long should she have been held hostage in the car by a toddler refusing to put her socks on?

Should she have pinned her down and forced them on?

I suspect she tried reasoning with her first but if your dd was going to continue to be defiant exactly how would you have like her to handle it? It’s interesting that you haven’t posted an alternative to what would have worked with your dd?

@Ethelfromnumber73

I wouldn't expect a nursery to use this type of 'discipline' and therefore I'd say that a childminder shouldn't do it either. If a parent thinks it's appropriate, crack on, but it's not something to do to a child that isn't yours

It's not discipline, it is showing the child why we wear socks and shoes.

I wouldn't have minded if my childminder did this. Kids need to learn consequences.

Your dd may now put her socks and shoes on when told to. It's May not Dec. Yes I know it's colder than normal but it's not in the minuses. She probably doesn't have time to let your dd decide to it's time to put her socks and shoes on.

I'd be 100% OK with my cm doing this. I once took ds to school in his pj's as he was being a right pita dawdling in the mornings - had been getting worse for weeks, it was making us both later and later for school and work, and stressier every day. I finally gave him the ultimatum and carried it out (had his school clothes in the car for him to change into)

Natural consequences, a really quick lesson learned, and zero harm done.