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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want kids after 30?

387 replies

Pennyblossomx · 19/04/2021 08:54

I suspect I'll get flamed for this. But I just don't want anymore kids after I turn 30. I'm 26 got an almost 3 month old and a 5 year old and I just can't see myself wanting a baby after 30. AIBU?

OP posts:
Tetrixxs · 19/04/2021 08:56

It’s so personal so how can you be unreasonable? I suppose by making this post, like it’s something that needs to be said.
I’m 27 with 3 children, 30 is my cut off (I do want another) but that’s to do with my DH’s age. I don’t think it really needs to be said, everyone is different and there is nothing wrong with having children in your 30s (or 40s) it just won’t happen for me.

CanofCant · 19/04/2021 08:57

Why would you get flamed? It's your life!

Butchyrestingface · 19/04/2021 08:57

Why would that be unreasonable? It's about as unreasonable as saying you don't want more than two kids (which isn't unreasonable at all).

Is someone pressurising you to keep going until you have as many kids as the old woman who lived in a shoe?

Confused
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 19/04/2021 08:58

Why would anyone care- besides which you already have two kids- isn’t that average?

cochineal7 · 19/04/2021 08:58

I voted YANBU as it is totally your decision. Your body and all that. Not sure why you feel the need to throw it out there for others to judge though.

TheThingsWeAdmitOnMN · 19/04/2021 08:58

So what? Who cares? You're old enough to work out how to use contraception, so do that. It's much more use than starting goady threads

SockQueen · 19/04/2021 08:58

YANBU to not want more kids for any reason. Why turn it into an age thing though?

Magnificentmug12 · 19/04/2021 08:58

Why would you think someone would care what a stranger does or have an opinion on it?

If you don’t then don’t-?! It’s like your trying to have a argument with yourself! 😂

Ginuwine · 19/04/2021 08:59

@Pennyblossomx

I suspect I'll get flamed for this. But I just don't want anymore kids after I turn 30. I'm 26 got an almost 3 month old and a 5 year old and I just can't see myself wanting a baby after 30. AIBU?

Why are you telling us this?

You have two lovely DCs and you're not yet 30. That's great!

What is the point of this post after that fact? Did you want more, but you have some strange superstition or principle about the age of 30?

YABU just for the confusion or the intent of this post, unless it's just to troll and get some debate going about the merits of having kids at a younger age versus older.

araiwa · 19/04/2021 08:59

Yes. 30 kids is enough

Waxonwaxoff0 · 19/04/2021 08:59

I don't see why anyone would flame you. You've got children already, but you might have felt differently if you hadn't had children by the time you were 30. I was done having kids by age 22, that's my personal choice, others don't have children until their 40s.

IHateCoronavirus · 19/04/2021 08:59

YANBU for wanting that for yourself, it is a personal decision.
YWBU if you were saying it should be that way for others, again that is up to them.

dreamingofsun · 19/04/2021 08:59

many people are not in a LT relationship and sorted out secure housing before they are 30. If you have been to uni you wont have established your career before 30 either. And your chances of conceiving are still fine before 35.

but each to their own......your life maybe very different from ours and so what suits one doesnt another. I cant say i'd be keen for any of my kids to have had a child at 21 - but then they would have been in FT education still and so it would have affected their lifechances

AnnaFiveTowns · 19/04/2021 08:59

Then don't have any. I can't see what the AIBU is.

Ginuwine · 19/04/2021 09:00

@TheThingsWeAdmitOnMN

So what? Who cares? You're old enough to work out how to use contraception, so do that. It's much more use than starting goady threads

It is blatantly a goady thread and poorly disguised.

Otherwise why would anyone care that a stranger, with two children, and under 30, would think they are unreasonable for not wanting more kids?

sleepyhead · 19/04/2021 09:01

How could you be unreasonable? I only wanted 2 children so I'd have stopped at 18 or 40, depending on when they came along (as it happened, it was 40).

You'd only be unreasonable if you were suggesting that older mothers were somehow wrong to have children - it would be equally unreasonable for anyone to police your fertility & choices.

OuiOuiKitty · 19/04/2021 09:01

I'm not sure how you could be unreasonable. I had my first at 21, 2nd at 23 and didn't want any more after that. So you could say that I didn't want to have kids after 23. I'm 35 now with and with a teen and preteen and can't imagine going back to babies. Not because I think I'm too old, just because we have already done that stage of our lives.

TakeYourFinalPosition · 19/04/2021 09:01

I don’t think this is an uncommon view. In my experience, it’s not one that people tend to stick to; either - almost all of my friends had two kids by 25 and were determined they’d have no more past 30, and now half of them are pregnant at 32. It just wasn’t the big “getting old” feeling I think they thought it’d be! And I’m pregnant for the first time at 30.

It’s totally personal, and you’ll make your calls as you go. Don’t feel you need to have a public cut off, just go with what you want. If you wanted two kids and you’ve got them already, that’s great. If you might want more, I wouldn’t put an age on it, do it when it feels right.

TheKeatingFive · 19/04/2021 09:01

Obviously it’s up to you what you do with your own life OP. Why would you think any different?

BrumBoo · 19/04/2021 09:01

Why would you be flamed for having a line? Mine is 35, for various reasons both personal and health wise. I was very firm about it when the discussion for a third/last came up and was a factor in making that and other life decisions. I will looking to be sterilised after said third child. I dont care what a single person thinks of any of those 'choices'.

imissthe90s · 19/04/2021 09:03

YANBU.

My friends are only just having babies while mine are grown up near enough, I couldn't think of anything worse than sleepless nights, baby sick and nappies now. I feel for those who have to deal with it in their 30s +.

Babdoc · 19/04/2021 09:03

It would be irresponsible to have more than two DC anyway, when the planet is already overpopulated and suffering severe environmental damage.
But the age at which women choose to reproduce is a personal decision for each individual- there is no right or wrong answer.
I had my DDs at 33 and 35, because I had to get my career as a hospital doctor to the point where I was no longer working 100 hour weeks as a junior - I would never have seen my children if I’d had them younger.

Butchyrestingface · 19/04/2021 09:04

It is blatantly a goady thread and poorly disguised.

Without any context, I did think it was just a not-so-stealthy attempt to blast women over the clearly jurassic age of 30 who decide to have kids.

Keepitonthedownlow · 19/04/2021 09:04

is this about access to sterilisation?

4amWitchingHour · 19/04/2021 09:04

@araiwa

Yes. 30 kids is enough
👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻