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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want kids after 30?

387 replies

Pennyblossomx · 19/04/2021 08:54

I suspect I'll get flamed for this. But I just don't want anymore kids after I turn 30. I'm 26 got an almost 3 month old and a 5 year old and I just can't see myself wanting a baby after 30. AIBU?

OP posts:
UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme · 19/04/2021 09:30

Is someone trying to persuade you to have several more children, meaning that you'll have to keep going until you're over 30? You already have two at 26 - is your partner trying to keep you barefoot and pregnant, insisting on at least 5 more children? That would be extremely unreasonable and of course abusive...

If not then your post is about as baffling as "AIBU not to wear a Monsoon dress on my 40th birthday (I'm 15 atm)?

Its a bit of a wtf AIBU - of course you're not unreasonable to not want to do a random thing nobody is even asking you to do... Confused

Its very hard to understand why you've been giving this enough thought to post, given its so irrelevant to your life, unless your rush to assert that you aren't criticising those who do have children over 30 is a blatant lie of course... Hmm

IbrahimaRedTwo · 19/04/2021 09:31

Why do you imagine anyone could possibly care about what age you are when you have children? Confused

PinkSpring · 19/04/2021 09:31

Everyone is different - you don't want kids after 30 - fine, I didn't want kids in my early 20's like you did - also fine.

Not sure what the point is of this post to be honest!

Ninkanink · 19/04/2021 09:32

What an odd thread.

firstimemamma · 19/04/2021 09:32

This is the world of mumsnet - where it's 'wrong' to want more than 2 children full-stop. No idea why you think you'll be flamed!

Butchyrestingface · 19/04/2021 09:33

I mean, this doesn't make any sense.. but I fear it's deliberately thus

You doubting Thomas.

Think imma start a new thread. Votes on a postcard please for the options below.

I couldn't imagine having reached the age of 25 without:

  1. paying off the mortgage on my 26 bedroom, 14 bathroom country pile
  2. owning 6 yatchs in the French Riviera
  3. travelled the world in 80 days at least twice
  4. sampled Waitrose's entire vegan, lactose-intolerant, free-range, celiac-friendly, low fat range
  5. agonised over whether to invest my squillions in an offshore oil account OR property with a SW1A postcode.
GappyValley · 19/04/2021 09:34

Why on Earth would you think you’ll ‘get flamed for this’? Confused

You’ve got 2 kids with a fairly big age gap, age is immaterial as to why you reasonably wouldn’t want more.

I’m not sure I get what your point is with this thread!

Ninkanink · 19/04/2021 09:34

Unless you’re being pressured to have more children.

I had two children by the age of 22. That was enough for me.

Dustyhedge · 19/04/2021 09:34

You were younger than most so you’ll be in a different stage at 30 to someone childless at that point. I had a personal cut-off at 35, others may pick 40. It’s all very personal.

Pea1985 · 19/04/2021 09:35

Like others have said, this is a very personal thing and there's no right or wrong. Personally I wanted to have my babies before 35, my 2nd and last was born when I was 32 and I'm now 35. Still happy with my decision and couldn't go through it again now. But this is just my personal view, others may only just be starting at 35 and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.

TaVeryMuchLove · 19/04/2021 09:35

Erm don’t have one then? Problem solved!

RainingBatsAndFrogs · 19/04/2021 09:36

So what?

I wouldn’t have wanted kids at 21, so didn’t. Having kids at any age I wanted to have them within a close-ish time frame, not spread child rearing out over decades. Other people feel differently.

So what?

P.S look after your relationship: a lot of people seem to change their mind if they have a new partner in their 30s and feel the need to have a new baby together.

You don’t know how you will feel in 10 or 15 years time.

GappyValley · 19/04/2021 09:37

The people I know who wanted to complete their families before they were thirty mainly had an eye to the future.

The people I know are either religious, from families/areas where the norm is to have kids young or don’t have any career plans/ambitions
Or a combination of those

PeanuttyButter · 19/04/2021 09:37

Why is this even a conversation? Your family could easily be complete now, yet I feel that you are posting this purely to antagonise those that decided to wait til later or had no choice but to wait.

UserTwice · 19/04/2021 09:41

I think most people who currently have a 5 month old do not want any more kids :)

You do realise your post doesn't make sense - unless you are planning to give your children away when you get to 30, you will still have children when you get to that age. Do you mean you don't want to deal with babies after the age of 30?

CeibaTree · 19/04/2021 09:43

I'm not sure what the point of your post is to be honest OP. If you don't want kids after a certain age then don't have them after that age - no one else's business or concern surely?

SarahBellam · 19/04/2021 09:43

So what?

BrumBoo · 19/04/2021 09:44

@UserTwice

I think most people who currently have a 5 month old do not want any more kids :)

You do realise your post doesn't make sense - unless you are planning to give your children away when you get to 30, you will still have children when you get to that age. Do you mean you don't want to deal with babies after the age of 30?

You know exactly what the op meant. Dragging people down over syntax never makes a person look smart.
emilyfrost · 19/04/2021 09:44

You do you Confused I would never have had kids so young; I wanted a life just for me first. You will never know that.

Swings and roundabouts.

imalmostthere · 19/04/2021 09:45

You don't want a 10 year old at 40, but you realise you'll have a 14 year old at 40? Those 4 years are hardly a huge difference! This is such a weird post

SmallPrawnEnergy · 19/04/2021 09:45

@Pennyblossomx

Just want to make it clear im not trying to flame women who decide to have kids over 30. I get its my choice etc.
So why exactly did you start this thread? Having children is a personal choice and why do you need the vote of strangers on the internet about this. You’re set on your choice so why the need for the AIBU? If you’re insecure in your choices in life therapy is available.
newnortherner111 · 19/04/2021 09:45

You have children, you perhaps don't want any more, perfectly reasonable.

Floweree · 19/04/2021 09:46

YABU, you should have more children once you are over 30 even if you don't want them. Or not.

TuesdayRuby · 19/04/2021 09:46

Mm, see this is the type of passive goady posts that tend to come out of these threads*

It wasn’t meant to be passive. It was a deliberately goady response to a goady thread! I wouldn’t start a post saying “I’d never want to have kids before 30”.

HareIsland · 19/04/2021 09:48

@imalmostthere

You don't want a 10 year old at 40, but you realise you'll have a 14 year old at 40? Those 4 years are hardly a huge difference! This is such a weird post
Yes, OP's maths and logic a bit fuzzy.

Knock yourself out, OP. Resist the Mysterious Forces that are trying to make you keep knocking out children into your thirties by confiscating your contraception.

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