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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want kids after 30?

387 replies

Pennyblossomx · 19/04/2021 08:54

I suspect I'll get flamed for this. But I just don't want anymore kids after I turn 30. I'm 26 got an almost 3 month old and a 5 year old and I just can't see myself wanting a baby after 30. AIBU?

OP posts:
XiCi · 19/04/2021 10:05

Entirely your choice. Really, noone cares how other people live their (usually mundane) lives. I feel a bit sorry for people who's twenties are taken up with raising children and would rather have poked my eyes out with a shitty stick but other than that couldn't care less

Zalto · 19/04/2021 10:05

I suspect I'll get flamed for this

I doubt anyone cares all that much.

Floweree · 19/04/2021 10:05

And it's not the same doing it when they are older either imo.

XiCi · 19/04/2021 10:06

Haha great minds GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal Grin
Rusty spoon or shitty stick, that is the question 🤔

MintyMabel · 19/04/2021 10:08

Given the number of kids who rely on grandparents for childcare, I’m glad I’ll be able to retire when DD has a family, I’ll be able to help her out in a way my parents couldn’t.

Lucyllama · 19/04/2021 10:09

"Don't understand why people want to be chasing around kids and teens into their 50s personally."

I never planned on being old in my 50's so it is that was not a problem for me.

ArnoldJudasRimmer · 19/04/2021 10:09

I would also like to reassure the poster that "feels for" those of us in their 30s with babies that I'm absolutely fine. I didn't own a house or have as much money in my 20s as I do now, and hadn't progressed as far career wise, so possibly wouldn't have been able to take the year+ of mat leave I can now. 🤷‍♀️

UserTwice · 19/04/2021 10:09

You know exactly what the op meant. Dragging people down over syntax never makes a person look smart.

It's nothing to do with syntax. OP stated she couldn't imagine having a 10 year old when she was 40. But she seems quite happy with the idea of having a 13 year old. That makes no sense.

GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal · 19/04/2021 10:10

@XiCi

Haha great minds GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal Grin Rusty spoon or shitty stick, that is the question 🤔

Either way, wouldn't have given up my child free twenties for anything, I had soooooo much fun!! Grin

Temp023 · 19/04/2021 10:11

Yep, one lot of menopause and two lots of teenage hormones in one house is interesting!
On the upside, being in my 50’s I have a very well established career, earning shedloads of cash, so it is a big house.. which helps. Although I may never see my grandchildren grow up.
Basically it’s swings and roundabouts.. also I didn’t find anyone willing to breed with me until I was 35.

museumum · 19/04/2021 10:11

YABU to make it about age. There’s nothing about 30 that makes you too old.

However you would not be unreasonable to say you wouldn’t want a baby more than nine years after your first. I think most women (not all obviously) have just one phase of life for babies/toddlers but it doesn’t matter at all if that is 20s, 30s or even into 40s.

Footloosefancyfree · 19/04/2021 10:12

I was the same op had ds1 at 21 dd at 26 and had ds2 at 29. I told dh if we were to have another it would be before I was 30 as I wanted two close together and I wanted to have some chance of getting my career back. Best decision I made. In our 40s life will be alot more easier and we can enjoy more things as the kids get older. I also didn't want to be an older mum, my dp were 35 and 40 when they had me and as I got older weren't as active.

Scottishskifun · 19/04/2021 10:12

Different horses for different courses.
Do what you want with your body.

Personally I didn't consider having children before I was 30 as I was travelling, having care free nights out and getting to a secure place in my career and home life.

Overthebow · 19/04/2021 10:13

If all things go to plan then starting early is probably preferable for a lot of people. But I'm guessing there are very few 25s and under who have a long term partner, own a house, have a good established career and are ready mentally to have children.

I would have loved to have children younger but apart from needing a partner who was ready too, I wanted to make sure we had good careers so that we could give our children a good lifestyle and opportunities, and own a house so we didn't have to struggle to get on the housing ladder with kids. So early thirties was the perfect time for me to have a baby and I don't regret that.

icdtap · 19/04/2021 10:16

What is the point of this thread?
You've decided you don't want any more children after 30. That's your decision and you have your reasons.

Others will have children after 30 for their own reasons.

End of discussion.
Unless you were deliberately trying to be goady.

fabulousathome · 19/04/2021 10:16

I had had both my DC by 30 - I was 26 and 29. I was married for four years before we had them though.

It's now 32 years later and I'm fine with it.

Atalantea · 19/04/2021 10:17

@AnnaFiveTowns

Then don't have any. I can't see what the AIBU is.
Exactly
GrumpyHoonMain · 19/04/2021 10:19

@Pennyblossomx

I suspect I'll get flamed for this. But I just don't want anymore kids after I turn 30. I'm 26 got an almost 3 month old and a 5 year old and I just can't see myself wanting a baby after 30. AIBU?
See how you feel when the baby is older. In my experience all of my friends who had kids young said what you did but then for various reasons continued to have babies well into their 30s and 40s. All of them. It’s only the women who had kids after 30 that deliberately stopped after 2-3.
GrumpyHoonMain · 19/04/2021 10:21

@Pennyblossomx

Just want to make it clear im not trying to flame women who decide to have kids over 30. I get its my choice etc.
Most Older mums in the UK are ALSO young mums. They keep having kids for various reasons. So see how you feel at 30.
midnightstar66 · 19/04/2021 10:21

Personally I think it's odd to chose such a specific and irrelevant cut off rather than say 2 dc or 3 dc then done. So if you desperately wanted 2, had only had one you'd stop trying the day you turned 30 (or 9 months before), but that's your choice and I'm not going to flame you for it, everyone makes their own choices and those are varied. No one is unreasonable for that.

KatharinaRosalie · 19/04/2021 10:23

I am still confused what the AIBU is. Basically you have the children you want and are asking if you are unreasonable for not wanting any more? Obviously not.

Is someone pressuring you to have more children than you want?

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 19/04/2021 10:23

I hate to break it to you OP, but the baby you have now won't magically turn into an adult overnight when you hit 30 Grin

Can't put my finger on why, but you strike me as one of those mums who insists on going out clothes shopping and clubbing with their teens, and says things like, "Oh, we're more like sisters/best mates than mum and daughter!"

midnightstar66 · 19/04/2021 10:24

@Ginuwine I guess i then think about having say a 10 year old when I would be 40 and for some reason that puts me right off, I'm not sure why it just does.

But having an 11 year old wound be ok? 🤷🏼‍♀️

Scrunchy95 · 19/04/2021 10:24

You have used your twenties up having children when your peers are partying and growing their careers. Completely agree you can decide to grab your thirties for some personal growth. Go for it!

Helenahandbasket1 · 19/04/2021 10:26

[quote Pennyblossomx]@Ginuwine I guess i then think about having say a 10 year old when I would be 40 and for some reason that puts me right off, I'm not sure why it just does.[/quote]
Absolutely your prerogative OP.

FWIW the idea of having a first baby around 21 is pretty unpalatable to me.

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