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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want kids after 30?

387 replies

Pennyblossomx · 19/04/2021 08:54

I suspect I'll get flamed for this. But I just don't want anymore kids after I turn 30. I'm 26 got an almost 3 month old and a 5 year old and I just can't see myself wanting a baby after 30. AIBU?

OP posts:
BashfulClam · 19/04/2021 09:17

Well done Erm...

Liverbird77 · 19/04/2021 09:17

Who actually cares? It's your choice.
Or is this intended to start a thread where you can list all the reasons us older mums are just terrible people?

paralysedbyinertia · 19/04/2021 09:18

Well, given that you've already got two kids anyway, I can't imagine that you'll be under pressure to have any more, so what's the problem? I don't really get the point of your post.Confused

BrumBoo · 19/04/2021 09:18

I was too busy having a good time in my 20’s to even think about children.

Mm, see this is the type of passive goady posts that tend to come out of these threads. 'I wanted to enjoy life first, I wanted to travel, I was having too much fun'. Like your 20s is the ultimate time to do so, and anyone who has children before 30 won't get the same life experience.

I didn't have my first until my late 20s, but travelling or starting a great career didn't happen either (awful few years of family issues). I've done and seen more since having children, and quite honestly I always had a plan of travelling when I could afford to do it in style. Backpacking and hostels were and is my idea of a nightmare. If I can't have a nice hotel and afford the best experience, I'm not interested in going. Again though, personal choices. My life only improved after children, both in terms of 'fun' and in living circumstances.

Original poster
Pennyblossomx · 19/04/2021 09:19

@Ginuwine I guess i then think about having say a 10 year old when I would be 40 and for some reason that puts me right off, I'm not sure why it just does.

OP posts:
Pyewackect · 19/04/2021 09:19

Totally understand. I was sterilised at 28 after having three kids. None of them were planned and I hated being pregnant. And don’t mention childbirth, makes me feel slightly sick , even now. Brrrrrr.

haliborangemrmen · 19/04/2021 09:20

I wonder if you'd still feel the same if you were 30, but hadn't yet had any children?

B33Fr33 · 19/04/2021 09:20

Life doesn't work out for a lot of people as they ideally planned when they were young and didn't give a flying fuck about other people's feelings or realities. Life experience tends to bring empathy and a little more ability to go with the flow.

CecilyP · 19/04/2021 09:20

What an odd post. Why would you be unreasonable to not want more kids for whatever reason?

Even odder to expect to be flamed for it!

BrumBoo · 19/04/2021 09:21

@paralysedbyinertia

Well, given that you've already got two kids anyway, I can't imagine that you'll be under pressure to have any more, so what's the problem? I don't really get the point of your post.Confused
I have to disagree with this. As someone with 3 boys (ok 2.5 right now), I've already had many people suggesting we can have another pop at 'having a girl'. It's usually only the case when you have children of one sex though. People stupidly think you've been deprived of something Confused.
B33Fr33 · 19/04/2021 09:21

*and because I didn't want to rush intò marriage or kids I didn't have my first until 30. But you do you.

rainyskylight · 19/04/2021 09:22

Good for you.

Notonthestairs · 19/04/2021 09:24

Confused Are you under pressure to have more children after you turn 30?

Ginuwine · 19/04/2021 09:25

[quote Pennyblossomx]@Ginuwine I guess i then think about having say a 10 year old when I would be 40 and for some reason that puts me right off, I'm not sure why it just does.[/quote]

But you'll have a 13 year old when you're 40 - that's just a fact.

Why is having a 13 year old ok, but having a 10 year old "puts you right off?"

I mean, this doesn't make any sense.. but I fear it's deliberately thus

Yolanda524 · 19/04/2021 09:25

I wish I had mine earlier now that I have mine ideally from 26. But I didn’t actually meet my oh until I was 26 so life can’t go to plan. I didn’t at 26 though wish I had kids it’s just by looking back and feeling more my age now it the last few years I would like to have more energy

ExConstance · 19/04/2021 09:25

The people I know who wanted to complete their families before they were thirty mainly had an eye to the future. If you have an empty nest at or around 50 then you have, hopefully, a lot of child free years to enjoy yourself. I was still supporting youngest student son at 60 and a friend of mine (male, obviously) is stumping up for his youngest daughters master's degee at 81. There is a lot to be said for starting early.

BrilliantBetty · 19/04/2021 09:27

Well, since you already have kids fair enough.

I had my first at 24 so wouldn't want more after the age of 30 either, because I have two and don't want to go back to the 'baby days'.

If I hadn't had kids by 30 it would be a completely different kettle of fish and I'd definitely still want DC.

Fauvist · 19/04/2021 09:27

YABVVVU to think that anyone else gives a monkeys at what age you have your children.

nellly · 19/04/2021 09:28

I absolutely did not want kids before 30 Grin thought it was a complete waste of my twenties which I wanted to spend building a career, buying a house and going on holidays.

I don't think either of us is unreasonable at all!

mamababy1955555 · 19/04/2021 09:28

Doesn't feel goady to acknowledge there are pros and cons to every decision...

Kids in 20s: probably easier pregnancies, raising kids when you have more energy, can focus on career in your 40s, can travel/study etc when you're a bit older and probably have more cash, etc

No kids in 20s: can travel more when you have no ties, can spend longer studying/settling on the job you want, etc

Liverbird77 · 19/04/2021 09:29

I think you come across as a goady fucker.

JellyNellie · 19/04/2021 09:29

I don't want more children after 30 either,I always wanted 4 children and that's what I have had my children at 18,20,22,23 and I don't want no more,we have been lucky we have a mortgage free house 🏠 and have been together since being 16&17,I couldn't imagine having children any older but that's me,my mum is 50 this year with a 10year old and she love it and says she wishes she had her older three children when she was in her 30s.

MinecraftMother · 19/04/2021 09:29

Ok.

As you were...
🤔

Ginuwine · 19/04/2021 09:29

@ExConstance

The people I know who wanted to complete their families before they were thirty mainly had an eye to the future. If you have an empty nest at or around 50 then you have, hopefully, a lot of child free years to enjoy yourself. I was still supporting youngest student son at 60 and a friend of mine (male, obviously) is stumping up for his youngest daughters master's degee at 81. There is a lot to be said for starting early.

True. There is.

There's also a lot to be said for spending the years 27 to 37 establishing such a powerful career trajectory that by the time DCs come along at 37, you're the senior legal counsel, or head of business banking, or owner of an online marketing company (all real life examples I know).

Which means that when you're 58/59, paying for a degree or a deposit is nothing. And with life expectancy increasing, you still have 25 or 30 years to travel the world but with real money behind you, the kind it would have been more challenging to earn with DCs at 27 unless you're Nicola Horlicks etc.

Just giving an alternative perspective

VettiyaIruken · 19/04/2021 09:30

It's your choice.

What has prompted you to even post this?

Has someone criticised you or something? Or asked you to have another baby?