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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want kids after 30?

387 replies

Pennyblossomx · 19/04/2021 08:54

I suspect I'll get flamed for this. But I just don't want anymore kids after I turn 30. I'm 26 got an almost 3 month old and a 5 year old and I just can't see myself wanting a baby after 30. AIBU?

OP posts:
seven201 · 19/04/2021 09:48

Err good for you Hmm

For someone who is struggling with years of secondary infertility this thread stings! I'm 38 and still trying for dc2.

amusedbush · 19/04/2021 09:49

What a pointless post 😂

The idea of having children horrified me in my 20s. I’m almost 31 and nowhere near ready; DH and I have agreed to revisit the idea at 35.

Who cares what anyone else does? You sound very judgy.

Helmetbymidnight · 19/04/2021 09:49

who is going to look after them for you then?

Horehound · 19/04/2021 09:49

Not sure what the point of the thread is.
Is someone forcing you to have a child after 30?! If not, what's the issue?

JeanClaudeVanDammit · 19/04/2021 09:50

Why would you get flamed? I didn’t want any before 30. That was my decisions and this is yours. You’ve already got two, what’s the problem?

YellowTwinklyStar · 19/04/2021 09:51

You do you

nancywhitehead · 19/04/2021 09:51

I mean it's up to you surely? Strange thing to ask really. I'm in my 30's and don't have any children yet and would like them. If I'd already had two in my 20's I suspect I might feel differently.

MissTrip82 · 19/04/2021 09:52

Wouldn’t have occurred to me to try before 30, neither of us had completed our specialist training by then.

Your life’s been different.

It’s not really an issue.

Lol at the person who ‘feels’ for those having children in our 30s. Hahahahahahahahah.

CounsellorTroi · 19/04/2021 09:54

If you don’t want kids over 30 then don’t have them. What is the point of your post?

UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme · 19/04/2021 09:54

Actually I just remembered that at my antenatal classes when I was expecting dc1 there was a lady who was expecting dc4 - she explained that she'd felt the need to come to the classes despite already having given birth 3 times because so much had changed in the 20 years since she had her first 3 - she and her husband had thought they'd "got the baby years out of the way early" and would retire early and travel in their 50s, but she was expecting a surprise baby in her mid 40s, when she'd thought she was menopausal, same husband...

Musmerian · 19/04/2021 09:56

I had my first at 29 and was significantly younger than all my friends. I think it’s generally very linked to education and often class. If the expectation is to go to University and have a career then thirties is much more likely. You should do whatever you want but it’s a pretty silly thread really. I had three between 29 and 37 . Worked for me.

YellowTwinklyStar · 19/04/2021 09:56

@CounsellorTroi

If you don’t want kids over 30 then don’t have them. What is the point of your post?
Yes. Why are you asking? Is someone trying to force you to have children after you are 30? Are you trying to access sterilisation but being refused to due to your age?
JeanClaudeVanDammit · 19/04/2021 09:56

Lol at the person who ‘feels’ for those having children in our 30s. Hahahahahahahahah.

Well I don’t know about you but a switch flipped at the stroke of midnight on my 30th birthday and instantly became a decrepit, incapable old hag .

81Byerley · 19/04/2021 09:57

I often think about this. I can't imagine the hell that is dealing with children/teenagers, and the menopause.

lottieproject · 19/04/2021 09:58

This reminds me of the time my friend's grandmother thought I was too old to be having a baby at 28. Each to their own but keep your fucking personal opinions on other people's situation to yourself. That being said, yanbu

Triffid1 · 19/04/2021 09:59

The only reason for you to be flamed is if you think no woman should have a child after 30 which I'm starting to think is what you actually believe but can't quite bring yourself to say. eg you saw a woman who is 39 and is pregnant and your'e thinking, "oooh, ice, that's awful".

LagunaBubbles · 19/04/2021 09:59

Just want to make it clear im not trying to flame women who decide to have kids over 30. I get its my choice etc

Of course irs your choice, whose else would it be? Confused
I'm trying to figure out the real point of your post and I still don't get it but its not a innocent "I don't want kids over 30" one that's for sure!

Butchyrestingface · 19/04/2021 10:00

I often think about this. I can't imagine the hell that is dealing with children/teenagers, and the menopause.

Whereas I can't imagine the hell of dealing with children/teenagers, full stop. Grin

notalwaysalondoner · 19/04/2021 10:01

Perfectly reasonable for your individual circumstances, as long as you don’t judge those who are older parents.

Personally no one in my circle wanted children before they were 30 - we’re all highly educated career focused types, mostly living in London. We all wanted to get established careers and have fun before settling down.

My mother had me, her first, at 37 and I get very angry when people imply late thirties is too old to have a child - she’s been a wonderful mother and is still incredibly healthy at 68, able to easily go on 10 mile hikes or go backpacking with me/my siblings in developing countries. The only downside I have ever seen is that if I also waited until 37 to have children she would be 74, which means there is a high risk that she might not be a very active/healthy grandmother once they’re beyond preschool age. But my own grandmother is still very healthy and fun at 99, so hopefully we’ve got good genes... I’m having my first at 31 so a little younger.

Heyahun · 19/04/2021 10:01

Well you do you - I waited til I was 31 to have a baby - cus I spent my 20s travelling and partying - so for me I couldn’t think of anything worse that having had a child in my 20s 😂

Maggiesfarm · 19/04/2021 10:01

I can understand you not wanting any more children as you have two. There's nothing wrong with that, many would feel the same.

However you imply (I'm not saying you actually think this for anyone else), that thirty is 'oldish' for having children and it really isn't. Obstetricians don't consider someone to be an 'older mother' before 36.

Our 'younger' royals are all doing it later than that and they seem to be quite youthful. Times change.

Nowadays many people don't settle down with a partner until they are late twenties to early thirties.

You do what you want, though. I can certainly understand that two is enough, you've got it out of the way and can move on with your life.

NVision · 19/04/2021 10:02

YANBU

Don't understand why people want to be chasing around kids and teens into their 50s personally.

TaVeryMuchLove · 19/04/2021 10:04

@Helmetbymidnight

who is going to look after them for you then?
😂
Floweree · 19/04/2021 10:05

@MissTrip82

Wouldn’t have occurred to me to try before 30, neither of us had completed our specialist training by then.

Your life’s been different.

It’s not really an issue.

Lol at the person who ‘feels’ for those having children in our 30s. Hahahahahahahahah.

Yeah, different strokes for different folks and all that! Had zero interest in having children in my 20s- travelled the world, me and DH did most of the things we wanted ie skydiving, nights out with friends with no responsibilities, built my career without having to factor childcare in and now have flexibility and my training behind me. 30s turned out to be perfect for us, just as pre 30s is for others.
GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal · 19/04/2021 10:05

Completely up to you. Personally I'd have rather gouged my eyes out with a rusty spoon than have had kids in my 20s, and early 30s felt like the exactly right time, but that doesn't mean I'm right and everyone who does differently is wrong.