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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I absolutely hate my OH

167 replies

chimom · 16/04/2021 12:12

I absolutely hate him and I don't know what to do, we've just moved into a smaller property all in my name I wanted to gain a bit of control back to be honest.
I wanted to save so I can eventually get onto the property ladder which meant downsizing.

Any how, mum has came to stay with us for a few days to help out as we're trying to clear the old house to hand over the keys. He's done nothing but scream and shout at me in front of my mum.

My mum offered to come and help him as I was exhausted we didn't get back until 1 this morning and I was up at 6 again. There's a mountain of washing to do boxes to unpack what I need to get done so I told him to just go and crack on for a few hours at the old house.

I'm about to start my new job for the NHS on Monday he's saying he's not giving me the car I can get the bus.

I can't stand this life I'm living I just need out!!
The screaming and shouting all the time him wanting the house spotless 24/7 doesn't want the kids on the sofa, it's all getting to much for me.

OP posts:
Ninkanink · 16/04/2021 12:13

Get him out. This is not good for you and it’s definitely not good for your children.

doctorhamster · 16/04/2021 12:14

Are you married? If not kick him out.

PurpleDaisies · 16/04/2021 12:15

If it’s all in your name, can’t you make him leave?
What’s stopping you?

HollowTalk · 16/04/2021 12:21

What is it that's stopping you from telling him to clear off?

TwilightSkies · 16/04/2021 12:21

Kick him out!

MsVestibule · 16/04/2021 12:22

Why is he still there, if it's in your name? I presume you have a good reason?

Original poster
chimom · 16/04/2021 12:23

My job really, he looks after the kids so I wouldn't be able to work he would be very spiteful and make my life hard I just know it.

OP posts:
TiredSloth · 16/04/2021 12:23

Is there anything stopping you kicking him out?

Kittykat93 · 16/04/2021 12:24

If a bloke screamed and yelled at me in front of my mum she would tell him to do one..but that's beside the point. You need to leave. Did you actually just say he doesn't allow the children to go on the sofa..?? Like they are dogs or something? Awful

HappyTimeTunnelDinosaur · 16/04/2021 12:25

I feel for you but honestly your life already sounds hard. It sounds as though you would be better and happier without him. It can't be much fun for the kids living around that.

ineedaholidayandwine · 16/04/2021 12:26

Yep he needs to go, now! What an arsehole! You and the children deserve better, can your mum help with childcare? Are they school aged?

Dontknownow86 · 16/04/2021 12:26

He's already making it hard? Can you not look into childcare?

ciaobella88 · 16/04/2021 12:27

dont unpack his boxes, leave them outside and change the locks. let him crack on. what an arsehole

SympathyFatigue · 16/04/2021 12:27

Why is he moving in with you?
Does he need the car Monday?

Original poster
chimom · 16/04/2021 12:30

DD is 2 and DS is 4 mum lives 55 miles away, so that's not an option. Childcare would be to much for both of them full time.

OP posts:
EmbarrassingMama · 16/04/2021 12:30

It sounds like your mum is lovely. Can she help you with the kids for a bit so you can kick him out and continue to work whilst you get things in order?

Don't let your life be ruined by him.

WakeUpSchmakeUp · 16/04/2021 12:31

How old are your children - for how much longer you need childcare I mean?
Your mum sounds helpful. What was her reaction when he was screaming at you?
Does she live near you - is there any way she could help with childcare even a day a week?
Moving IS stressful but some people make everything in life difficult. It sounds very difficult OP.

MsVestibule · 16/04/2021 12:33

Have you looked into what benefits you'd be entitled to as a lone parent? entitledto.co.uk would be a good start. It may cover a lot of the childcare.

You know this way of living is no good for you or your (joint?) children, don't you?

Merryoldgoat · 16/04/2021 12:34

Could your mum come and stay with you a while? Would you be entitled to assistance with childcare costs? No idea how that works but I’ve seen people refer to it on here.

You need to get him out - he’ll destroy you and your children.

WakeUpSchmakeUp · 16/04/2021 12:34

Cross posted. Does your job include shifts? If not you’re looking at holiday care for one and full-time care for the other. Is that doable at all?

Does he have OCD? Nit that it makes it okay to scream and shout at you? Just trying to understand ..

Ofallthethings · 16/04/2021 12:34

Have you looked into the help you can get with childcare? Older one at 4 will be entitled to 30 funded hours term time, although you do also have to pay for meals, and possibly the difference between the hourly rate the nursery charges and what it receives from the council. 20% tax free childcare for younger one. And there are other options depending on your salary.

VettiyaIruken · 16/04/2021 12:36

Your life is already hard! Plus it is really damaging for children to be forced to live through this.
You have to decide which crappy option you hate least. Struggle with childcare and perhaps even need to take a break from working or get used, abused and screamed at and have the kids grow up in that.

Allwokedup · 16/04/2021 12:37

Cut your hours to part time, get UC and help with nursery hours. This is not the life you deserve.

Silverfly · 16/04/2021 12:38

Book childcare and kick him out OP.

Throckmorton · 16/04/2021 12:40

Your kids are growing up in an abusive household - that's really really damaging.

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