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AIBU?

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Original poster

I absolutely hate my OH

167 replies

chimom · 16/04/2021 12:12

I absolutely hate him and I don't know what to do, we've just moved into a smaller property all in my name I wanted to gain a bit of control back to be honest.
I wanted to save so I can eventually get onto the property ladder which meant downsizing.

Any how, mum has came to stay with us for a few days to help out as we're trying to clear the old house to hand over the keys. He's done nothing but scream and shout at me in front of my mum.

My mum offered to come and help him as I was exhausted we didn't get back until 1 this morning and I was up at 6 again. There's a mountain of washing to do boxes to unpack what I need to get done so I told him to just go and crack on for a few hours at the old house.

I'm about to start my new job for the NHS on Monday he's saying he's not giving me the car I can get the bus.

I can't stand this life I'm living I just need out!!
The screaming and shouting all the time him wanting the house spotless 24/7 doesn't want the kids on the sofa, it's all getting to much for me.

OP posts:
Soberfutures · 18/04/2021 15:27

Proof

I absolutely hate my OH
RowanAlong · 18/04/2021 16:00

Could you pool resources with your Mum? Kick him out. Big ask for her, and I’m not sure if she has a partner - but just throwing ideas out there! Rent somewhere with her, together. Then between nursery and your Mum and maybe a bit of inputting from Mr Shouty, could you manage til they’re both school age?

Cherrysoup · 18/04/2021 16:03

You can kick him out if you’re not married. Sort out your childcare and get rid!

Watchingpaintdryagain · 18/04/2021 16:22

Would he want to raise the children or co-parent? Would he be a good dad if you shared custody?

He could work part time and look after them for 2 days per week, could your mum do 2 days, staying overnight . Then you could do the 5th day on your day off.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 18/04/2021 16:24

My overriding concern would be can he /will he claim to be the rp. He does the bulk of the childcare, he is their dad. Is he on the birth certificate?
Kick him out is easy to say but he could end up with the children

WellIWasInTheNeighbourhoo · 18/04/2021 16:34

A friend of mine in this situation got an au pair for a few months, just to get her though till childcare was all sorted. She made space by getting bunk beds for the kids, but did consider using the living room as a bedroom as well. Gave her full flexibility to work and cost about £70/week plus food for the au pair.

Pinchoftums · 18/04/2021 16:37

Better to be in childcare than with an abuser all day. They must be frightened and confused by him.

Whysolong7 · 18/04/2021 16:39

You get 30 free childcare for the 4 year old and for the two year old shortly could that help? Childcare is cheaper than nursery a d there maybe a subsidised crèche at work?

Hankunamatata · 18/04/2021 16:47

If it's a hospital it might have childcare? Would your mum come and stay for even a couple of weeks while you sort childcare and throw oh out?

Also if you cant afford a car. Try a pedal bike. You can get second hand trailer or child seat for younger one and tow the 4 year old. It's how I get to and from work, quicker than a bus and cheaper.

Dinkydody · 18/04/2021 17:14

Contact your local women’s aid. They will advise your of your rights, options and benefits. They’re not just for those looking for refuge. They will support you to stay at home with children. I know it’s overwhelming but you don’t need to do it on your own. Good Luck Flowers

BashfulClam · 18/04/2021 17:39

My dad was like this, me and my brother have grown up with self esteem issues and both of us have tried to take our own life. My mum did attempt to leave but didn’t go through with it and I wish she had.

AcrossthePond55 · 18/04/2021 20:43

You CAN leave. Women have walked out the door with nothing but a suitcase and their children, many of them having no job and no money in the bank. Don't put obstacles in your own way. No one is saying it will be a bed of roses, your 'standard of living' may suffer for a bit, but you will be free.

Call your family, friends, anyone will may be receptive and ask for help, any help. Chances are they can see what's been going on and are waiting for your call. Even if all they can do is lend a sympathetic ear or a bit of advice it will be worth it. Don't suffer in silence. Letting others know can also often give you the impetus to move forward.

Stop paying any of his expenses. I understand you have to pay the house and utilities to keep a roof over your head. But everything else, just stop!!! If you pay for a TV subscription, cancel it. Buy food for you & DC only. Scour your monthly statement/expeditures and cut out anything that does not directly benefit you. Stop doing his laundry, stop cooking for him. STOP. The point is to make him NOT want to be there. And to save you a £ or 2.

CyberNan · 18/04/2021 20:47

get a house closer to your parents, work part time and claim UC.

nobody should live like that

AcrossthePond55 · 18/04/2021 20:56

Just to clarify....whose name is the lease in? Yours, his, or joint?

You have different options depending on who is legally responsible for the rent.

FortunesFave · 18/04/2021 23:22

@AcrossthePond55

Just to clarify....whose name is the lease in? Yours, his, or joint?

You have different options depending on who is legally responsible for the rent.

She said clearly that it's in her name.
InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 19/04/2021 17:19

@AcrossthePond55

You CAN leave. Women have walked out the door with nothing but a suitcase and their children, many of them having no job and no money in the bank. Don't put obstacles in your own way. No one is saying it will be a bed of roses, your 'standard of living' may suffer for a bit, but you will be free.

Call your family, friends, anyone will may be receptive and ask for help, any help. Chances are they can see what's been going on and are waiting for your call. Even if all they can do is lend a sympathetic ear or a bit of advice it will be worth it. Don't suffer in silence. Letting others know can also often give you the impetus to move forward.

Stop paying any of his expenses. I understand you have to pay the house and utilities to keep a roof over your head. But everything else, just stop!!! If you pay for a TV subscription, cancel it. Buy food for you & DC only. Scour your monthly statement/expeditures and cut out anything that does not directly benefit you. Stop doing his laundry, stop cooking for him. STOP. The point is to make him NOT want to be there. And to save you a £ or 2.

I totally agree with this.

How come you have no access to money when you're the one working? Kick this fucking cunt out right now, demand your money back,start standing up for yourself! I wouldn't subject my kids to this bloke for one single minute longer!
Honestly, these posts make me so angry! Get yours and your children's lives back from this bastard.

Bogeyes · 20/04/2021 02:14

Dump him as soon as possible

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