Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My DH has bought me a gift...

319 replies

Sunshinesandice · 15/04/2021 12:58

My husband was acting a little strange around me yesterday - shrugged it off and let it go..

This morning he presented me with a gift , a pair of thigh high bondage lace up platform pole dancing boots. He gets off on the way they look and wants me to wear them in the bedroom.

I am bit speechless if I’m honest. I’m not sure how to even react.. it’s so not me at all , if anything I’m cringing so badly. But he is my husband and I understand he’s trying to make more of an effort with us in that department...

How do I let him down nicely ..

OP posts:
CeeceeBloomingdale · 15/04/2021 13:00

I wouldn’t bother doing it nicely, I just tell him to fuck off if I didn’t want to wear them. Also it’s a present for him, not you.

Lockheart · 15/04/2021 13:01

Is this a well-meaning but spectacularly poorly judged gift, or is it out of the blue and totally inappropriate?

You mention he's been trying to make more of an effort in that department, so presumably you've had conversations about trying to improve your sex life. Have either of you mentioned anything like this before?

Soubriquet · 15/04/2021 13:01

Oh that’s cringey

It’s one thing to buy them together but him to present them to you like you’re his personal whore is just eugh

CirqueDeMorgue · 15/04/2021 13:02

I feel as though sex would be risky wearing them. Might accidentally jab him in the bollocks.

Lockheart · 15/04/2021 13:02

Posted too soon. Either way you need to tell him that they're not for you and have a conversation about mutually enjoyable ways you can improve your sex life.

Toilenstripes · 15/04/2021 13:02

Lol. He actually bought them. So hopeful of him. 😆

DinoHat · 15/04/2021 13:03

But he is my husband and I understand he’s trying to make more of an effort with us in that department...

Sounds like there’s a bit of a back story.

Original poster
Sunshinesandice · 15/04/2021 13:04

Agrees that It’s for him really not for me . I just feel a bit cheap .. we haven’t discussed anything about improving in the bedroom properly , but I assume from the fact he has bought them that something needs to be spiced up? I’m just not sure .

OP posts:
Sparklfairy · 15/04/2021 13:04

I'd be tempted to buy him a really humiliating sex outfit and say I'll wear mine if you wear yours...

queenofthenorthwest · 15/04/2021 13:04

Well now. You just present him with your own dress up idea for him

Geamhradh · 15/04/2021 13:04

How embarrassing. Does he normally like sordid stuff?

Original poster
Sunshinesandice · 15/04/2021 13:05

He also spent £140 on them, that’s a large purchase when we are saving for our wedding.

OP posts:
Illberidingshotgun · 15/04/2021 13:05

Have you discussed trying things like this?

Regardless, it's not a gift for you, it's a gift for him. If you don't want to wear them then tell him to send them back

Trying to improve things in the bedroom does not equal asking you to dress like a like dancer.

nosyupnorth · 15/04/2021 13:05

At the risk of sounding trite:

That's not a gift for you, it's a gift for him.

And he's at best daft to have spent however much money (and if they're even half decent quality they probably weren't cheap) on them without talking to you first if you'd be interested/willing to wear them.

If you're feeling kind and trust that he was acting foolishly rather than deliberately selfish/manipulative then by all means be gentle about it, but he needs to be told/reminded the first bit of effort that needs making in that department is better communication. If he wants to experiement/bring in new things he needs your consent first, not to spring it on you, especially not after already making the commitment of buying stuff.

Illberidingshotgun · 15/04/2021 13:05

*pole dancer

Soubriquet · 15/04/2021 13:06

Eeeeek

£140! Is that out of his own money or shared money?

If it’s his own, well he wasted his money

If it’s shared then I would not be impressed

cutebutscary · 15/04/2021 13:06

He will get the message if you treat yourself to a sturdy 9" strap on that YOU have been wanting to try for a while on him 😉 that should shut him up 😜

belle002 · 15/04/2021 13:06

Or just wear them and have a naughty fun evening!

bungaloid · 15/04/2021 13:07

What's the equivalent outfit that men get to wear? Anyone buy their DH something nice to wear in the bedroom?

RonSwansonsChair · 15/04/2021 13:07

Tell him to wear them first.

Lockheart · 15/04/2021 13:08

@Sunshinesandice

Agrees that It’s for him really not for me . I just feel a bit cheap .. we haven’t discussed anything about improving in the bedroom properly , but I assume from the fact he has bought them that something needs to be spiced up? I’m just not sure .
Yes it sounds like you both need to have a conversation. Those sorts of things (and at that sort of price!!) can't just be pulled out of a hat with the other party unaware.

First though make sure he returns them!!

Mrsjayy · 15/04/2021 13:08

I feel as though sex would be risky wearing them. Might accidentally jab him in the bollocks

That might be his thing Grin

I'd laugh in my husbands face if he presented me with something so ridiculous op if you don't want to do that you just need to tell him you are not wearing them.

CirqueDeMorgue · 15/04/2021 13:09

@bungaloid

What's the equivalent outfit that men get to wear? Anyone buy their DH something nice to wear in the bedroom?
I did but it's more comical on men, I think. Although, I would look pretty comical in thigh high stripper boots.
Original poster
Sunshinesandice · 15/04/2021 13:09

These replies are really making me chuckle!! 🤣

OP posts:
Sparklfairy · 15/04/2021 13:09

@belle002

Or just wear them and have a naughty fun evening!
If its not her thing she doesnt have to. I would hate heels as my balance is shocking. Theres also the fact he has just presented them so she can dress up 'for him' which would give me the ick.

Discussing things that both of you find a turn on, before buying it, is the way forward with this.

Swipe left for the next trending thread