My DH has bought me a gift...

[Sunshinesandice]

My husband was acting a little strange around me yesterday - shrugged it off and let it go..

This morning he presented me with a gift , a pair of thigh high bondage lace up platform pole dancing boots. He gets off on the way they look and wants me to wear them in the bedroom.

I am bit speechless if I’m honest. I’m not sure how to even react.. it’s so not me at all , if anything I’m cringing so badly. But he is my husband and I understand he’s trying to make more of an effort with us in that department...

How do I let him down nicely ..

[LemonMeringueThreePointOneFour]

@queenofthenorthwest

Well now. You just present him with your own dress up idea for him

Yes - buy him a gimp suit.

[Overdueanamechange]

I'm with @Sosigsandwich

FFS it's a pair of boots. How dramatic are you lot! Just tell him you don't want to wear them and that's not the kind of thing that turns you on. It's not like he rocked up with another man.
Hopefully he kept the receipt and can spend the £140 on some good wine, chocolate, scented candles and bubble bath- much more romantic.

[toocold54]

ODFOD. We should be past the point where women have to do things they’re uncomfortable with sexually.

Some of these replies are a bit OTT!
Lots of couples buy each other sexy underwear, role play outfits, tingling lube, vibrating cock rings etc just to have a bit of fun and change things up.
Obviously the person buying them is going to buy something that they enjoy themselves and not something they’d hate

If you don’t want to wear them just say I don’t like them because....... so return them. If there is something you’d like instead then tell him that.

[goldielockdown2]

Do the 'have a laugh, lighten up' posters not realise that the DF didn't buy them as a joke gift? There's no 'having a laugh' about it. I doubt very much the desired intention was to provoke lighthearted giggles from the OP! He seriously wants to fuck his soon to be wife while she's dressed as a sex worker.

[VettiyaIruken]

Tell him you've been thinking and have realised it is SUCH a great idea that you've bought him a present...

This.

[HectorHalloumi]

Oh God VettiyaIruken, my eyes...😫

[MusicWithRocksIn1t]

Has he been watching too much porn over lock down and forgotten that consent and communication are very important in real life relationships?

[Dogscanteatonions]

@cutebutscary

He will get the message if you treat yourself to a sturdy 9" strap on that YOU have been wanting to try for a while on him 😉 that should shut him up 😜

This in spades.

[Deathgrip]

@toocold54

ODFOD. We should be past the point where women have to do things they’re uncomfortable with sexually.

Some of these replies are a bit OTT!
Lots of couples buy each other sexy underwear, role play outfits, tingling lube, vibrating cock rings etc just to have a bit of fun and change things up.
Obviously the person buying them is going to buy something that they enjoy themselves and not something they’d hate

If you don’t want to wear them just say I don’t like them because....... so return them. If there is something you’d like instead then tell him that.

I wouldn’t buy DH something he’s never shown any interest in that I expect him to wear / do for me without a discussion first.

If I wanted to say dress up and act like a dominatrix, I would talk to DH about it - I don’t think it would be his cup of tea so I would never just buy stuff and expect him to go along. That would be coercive.

Going along with something you’re uncomfortable with is a slippery slope to disaster, and I guarantee that this is him testing the water - what do you think comes after the boots?

[HeyDemonsItsYaGirl]

Watches a lot of porn, does he? No wonder your sex life is shit.

[KVIIIlyne]

@MusicWithRocksIn1t

Has he been watching too much porn over lock down and forgotten that consent and communication are very important in real life relationships?

why do men haters always have to exaggerate and make a drama out of nothing?

The OP can, and should, communicate her point. It might be an awkward and unwanted way to do it, but giving her boots is not shutting off any discussion or comment, is it

[KVIIIlyne]

I guarantee that this is him testing the water - what do you think comes after the boots?

I am not sure this is the best thread and forum to carry on this discussion

[WellIWasInTheNeighbourhoo]

Are you into bimbo bdsm sex? If not, and this 'gift' is entirely unexpected, Id be quite concerned about my relationship. That's a sexual preference that should be discussed extensively beforehand, safe words boundaries etc. Bit of a red flag sorry OP.

[Cocomarine]

Only here for the variations on it not being a gift for you...

[Beentee]

Just speak to him and tell him your not comfortable wearing them... however if you did try them on (as you only live once and all) you may get the real pleasure of wearing them for him. I guess you don’t know what your really into until you try it once

[PyongyangKipperbang]

what do you think comes after the boots?

Quite likely, nothing. Boot/shoe fetishes are hardly news!


I have to admit I think its quite funny. A lot of men and women get off on dressing up and (a generalisation but....) men tend to be more visually stimulated than women. But the naivety of simply presenting them to you, presumably in the expectation that you would be thrilled and immediately climb into them is hilarious!

He obviously hopes to introduce this into your sex life, which is fine but he really should have talked to you first to see if it was something you also wanted to explore. I have no objection to dressing up in theory but in all honesty it feels a bit forced to "get ready" for sex and then I feel self conscious. But under what circumstances would I just "happen" to be wearing such things?! I prefer things to happen naturally without needing to book in an hour before hand to squeeze into heaven knows what!

If you are grown up enough to get married then you are grown up enough to sit down and talk about it.

[WithLoveFromMyselfToYourself]

Anyone else getting Birkenstock ads on this thread? 😂

[Deathgrip]

@greeneyedlulu

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Having boundaries doesn’t make you “uptight”, but congratulations on pushing that misogynistic bullshit as a woman (I assume). And if she were uptight, so fucking what? Your assumptions about women with sexual boundaries are really concerning.

I’m not sexually uptight in the least, but I have had a relationship with a sexually abusive, coercive porn addict and buying this without at least a discussion first is a red flag. This is not the actions of someone who gives any kind of a shit whether the OP wants to do it, or he would have sent her at least a link to an image and asked her view.

[Deathgrip]

@PyongyangKipperbang

what do you think comes after the boots?

Quite likely, nothing. Boot/shoe fetishes are hardly news!

I have to admit I think its quite funny. A lot of men and women get off on dressing up and (a generalisation but....) men tend to be more visually stimulated than women. But the naivety of simply presenting them to you, presumably in the expectation that you would be thrilled and immediately climb into them is hilarious!

He obviously hopes to introduce this into your sex life, which is fine but he really should have talked to you first to see if it was something you also wanted to explore. I have no objection to dressing up in theory but in all honesty it feels a bit forced to "get ready" for sex and then I feel self conscious. But under what circumstances would I just "happen" to be wearing such things?! I prefer things to happen naturally without needing to book in an hour before hand to squeeze into heaven knows what!

If you are grown up enough to get married then you are grown up enough to sit down and talk about it.

I’m glad you think it’s funny. It’s not funny when you’re in that situation, believe me.

[goldielockdown2]

Have you always been a raging misogynist, greeneyed? Your post was foul to read.

[Deathgrip]

@WellIWasInTheNeighbourhoo

Are you into bimbo bdsm sex? If not, and this 'gift' is entirely unexpected, Id be quite concerned about my relationship. That's a sexual preference that should be discussed extensively beforehand, safe words boundaries etc. Bit of a red flag sorry OP.

Precisely this.

[1forAll74]

It just made me laugh when I first read this, as in the scenario of just handing these boots to you,when all you really wanted was some lovely perfume.Did he have to go back out to the car, to fetch the pole in !

[stunnningandbrave]

what do you think comes after the boots?

Both of them, if they're doing it right!