Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My DH has bought me a gift...

319 replies

Sunshinesandice · 15/04/2021 12:58

My husband was acting a little strange around me yesterday - shrugged it off and let it go..

This morning he presented me with a gift , a pair of thigh high bondage lace up platform pole dancing boots. He gets off on the way they look and wants me to wear them in the bedroom.

I am bit speechless if I’m honest. I’m not sure how to even react.. it’s so not me at all , if anything I’m cringing so badly. But he is my husband and I understand he’s trying to make more of an effort with us in that department...

How do I let him down nicely ..

OP posts:
osbertthesyrianhamster · 15/04/2021 15:02

I'd be pissed off AF he spent so much money on a shit piece of kit that has no use to me other than to get his rocks off. That's a shitload of money when you're trying to save up. The boots would be going back and nah, I wouldn't try them on even.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 15/04/2021 15:02

I would love them! But then again I have a wonderful collection of thigh high stripper boots specifically for the bedroom Grin

goldielockdown2 · 15/04/2021 15:03

Stunnning Grin

ZeroFuchsGiven · 15/04/2021 15:03

@stunnningandbrave

what do you think comes after the boots?

Both of them, if they're doing it right!

Grin
ILoveShula · 15/04/2021 15:03

Are they the right size or did he get the shop assistant to try them on?

UnwantedOpinionBelow · 15/04/2021 15:04

I would personally just wear them, it's not to my taste but if it gets him off then whatever floats his boat. It's only a pair of boots... My husband once bought me a blonde wig, we had a good night surprisingly Wink

PyongyangKipperbang · 15/04/2021 15:04

I’m glad you think it’s funny. It’s not funny when you’re in that situation, believe me.

But the OP has given no indication that there has been any other issue. As someone who had sex I didnt want in an abusive relationship, I get it I really do. But I was also once given by an ex, who got very embarrassed and tongue tied talking about sex, some lingerie which I assume he wanted me to wear in bed. I was never sure as he never actually said and when I asked him he said "I just thought it was nice". In the absence of anything from the OP to suggest abuse, I was thinking that he was too embarrassed to talk to her and bought them in the (vain) hope she would be utterly thrilled at the prospect of wearing them and probably now feels like a bit of a tit when she didnt. I dont think she will need to let him down, gently or otherwise, as I suspect her initial reaction will have given it away.

Beentee · 15/04/2021 15:04

@ZeroFuchsGiven

I would love them! But then again I have a wonderful collection of thigh high stripper boots specifically for the bedroom Grin
Nothing abit like kinky role play Wink
GrumpyHoonMain · 15/04/2021 15:05

I personally would tell him to fuck himself with the heel of one of the boots. Such a ridiculous gift

OolieMacdoolie · 15/04/2021 15:06

@CirqueDeMorgue

I feel as though sex would be risky wearing them. Might accidentally jab him in the bollocks.
There’s the silver lining
WhereYouLeftIt · 15/04/2021 15:07

@Sunshinesandice

He also spent £140 on them, that’s a large purchase when we are saving for our wedding.
Don't marry him.
KVIIIlyne · 15/04/2021 15:13

@GrumpyHoonMain

I personally would tell him to fuck himself with the heel of one of the boots. Such a ridiculous gift
Some posters seem to have such happy and fulfilling relationships, these threads never disappoint.
aiwblam · 15/04/2021 15:13

I'd wonder whether I wanted to marry him I think. The human body has enough parts to have fun with, without needing £140 worth of shite.

greeneyedlulu · 15/04/2021 15:13

@stunnningandbrave

what do you think comes after the boots?

Both of them, if they're doing it right!

GrinGrinGrin
DinoHat · 15/04/2021 15:15

@greeneyedlulu

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.
Agree - I get that it’s mildly annoying and clearly not your thing but I don’t think he needs to be hung, drawn and quartered.
WhereYouLeftIt · 15/04/2021 15:19

@Sunshinesandice

Agrees that It’s for him really not for me . I just feel a bit cheap .. we haven’t discussed anything about improving in the bedroom properly , but I assume from the fact he has bought them that something needs to be spiced up? I’m just not sure .
This post, and your earlier comment -

"I am bit speechless if I’m honest. I’m not sure how to even react.. it’s so not me at all , if anything I’m cringing so badly. But he is my husband and I understand he’s trying to make more of an effort with us in that department..."

This has come out of the blue for you, right? You haven't been discussing your sex-life, neither of you has expressed dissatisfaction to the other, there's been nothing to make you think there's a problem there. And then he presents you with these boots (they are so not a gift).

I'd be asking him where this idea came from, because I can't see any logical answer other than 'pornography'. And I'd be wanting to know just how much use he was making of it. It's fairly well-established that porn has a desensiting effect, with heavy users needing to 'up their dose' to get the same level of - err, stimulation. I'd be asking these questions because I'd want to know where his sex-life was heading and to consider whether I wanted my sex-life to have anything to do with his.

Yes, it would be that serious to me. By bringing this fetish-wear into your home, presenting them to you to wear for his arousal, without discussion - I'd be wondering who the hell this bloke was, he looks just like my fiance but he's a total bloody stranger.

greeneyedlulu · 15/04/2021 15:19

Misogynistic? Whatever, I know who and what I am. I also know that I can have a conversation with my DP about things like this? Surely that's the whole point?

You should be able to talk to the person that you want to marry about any and everything? And that you should feel loved and supported in a relationship? You should feel comfortable with saying no, it's not my cup of tea whether its about your choice of takeaway tonight, babys name, sexual preferences. And thats both ways! He should have asked or spoken to OP.

If this couple are unable to communicate, surely that's the problem?

ConstantlyChanging · 15/04/2021 15:23

Gross.

Deathgrip · 15/04/2021 15:27

@greeneyedlulu

Misogynistic? Whatever, I know who and what I am. I also know that I can have a conversation with my DP about things like this? Surely that's the whole point?

You should be able to talk to the person that you want to marry about any and everything? And that you should feel loved and supported in a relationship? You should feel comfortable with saying no, it's not my cup of tea whether its about your choice of takeaway tonight, babys name, sexual preferences. And thats both ways! He should have asked or spoken to OP.

If this couple are unable to communicate, surely that's the problem?

She should feel comfortable to say that, yes. But that would be markedly easier if it was an idea being discussed compared to the actual physical item in front of her, purchased with the expectation she would just go along with it. That is my concern, and it’s the same concern whether it’s boots or a ball gag.

A man who does this isn’t shy about his desires. So why didn’t he talk to her first? It’s really not about the boots, but the expectation.

And OP’s post wasn’t “he gave me this boots and said he thought it might be a bit of fun but he’s fine with it if I’m not into it”, was it?

AsterixGoesCamping · 15/04/2021 15:28

@greeneyedlulu
In this situation, why aren't this couple open enough with each other to know what they like? How can you possibly marry someone that you can't have a conversation with?

^^This
With a very big question. How is it that the DP isnt able to actually TALK to the OP about his fantaisies despite the fact they are getting married soon?
Yes the OP should hace a conversation with him.
but then SO SHOULD HE

On the top of obvious communication issues, at least from the DP's part, (from what we know the OP might well have told him about her own fantaisies....), there is also the fact the DP is dumping his own inability to communicate onto her.
Cue for this thread and not wanting to hurt him because clearly (or so the OP thinks)
1- there is something wrong with their sex life
2- it's something important to him
3- it's now somehow her responsibility to make everything better

greeneyedlulu · 15/04/2021 15:28

Then, agreed, there's a huge issue in this relationship!

WhereYouLeftIt · 15/04/2021 15:28

@chocatoo

Just wear them and enjoy how happy it makes him.
Yeah, lie back and think of England!
greeneyedlulu · 15/04/2021 15:30

@astrixgoescamping I did say that its both ways, he should have spoken to her too.

Branleuse · 15/04/2021 15:33

Its a lot of money to spend on sexy boots that you havent given any indication youd want to wear.
You dont need to buy paraphernalia to spice up your sex life, and if hes into big heels, he could have started off with much cheaper ones.

OldEvilOwl · 15/04/2021 15:38

Never mind the boots. Why are you marrying this man? your obviously not sexually compatible and he's having to make an effort to improve things already