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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My DH has bought me a gift...

319 replies

Sunshinesandice · 15/04/2021 12:58

My husband was acting a little strange around me yesterday - shrugged it off and let it go..

This morning he presented me with a gift , a pair of thigh high bondage lace up platform pole dancing boots. He gets off on the way they look and wants me to wear them in the bedroom.

I am bit speechless if I’m honest. I’m not sure how to even react.. it’s so not me at all , if anything I’m cringing so badly. But he is my husband and I understand he’s trying to make more of an effort with us in that department...

How do I let him down nicely ..

OP posts:
chocatoo · 15/04/2021 13:58

Just wear them and enjoy how happy it makes him.

Iwonder08 · 15/04/2021 13:59

If you are not into it tell him. Probably best to discuss bedroom preferences before you get married.

Amelia666 · 15/04/2021 13:59

I’ve got a pair of these from when I used to go to fetish nights in my early 20s Blush I’d just wear them and have a laugh; you might enjoy wearing them! Try them on when he’s not there and see what you think.

I do agree that unless you’ve expressed a desire for them then it’s a present for him. But that doesn’t mean it’s automatically bad.

viques · 15/04/2021 14:02

I think take a photo of them and send them to his mum , aunties and gran.

“Look what we’ve got into during lockdown. Mwah!”

eatsleepread · 15/04/2021 14:04

To be fair, did he actually present them as a gift? Or as something to spice up a dawdling sex life? I have to say that the latter doesn't inspire confidence when you're not even married yet!

Illberidingshotgun · 15/04/2021 14:04

@chocatoo

Just wear them and enjoy how happy it makes him.
So she should do something that she's not comfortable with just so he can be happy?
KVIIIlyne · 15/04/2021 14:07

@viques

I think take a photo of them and send them to his mum , aunties and gran.

“Look what we’ve got into during lockdown. Mwah!”

meanwhile in the real world Hmm
iklboo · 15/04/2021 14:09

Just wear them and enjoy how happy it makes him.

What is she? A performing seal? It doesn't make OP happy. Is she supposed to lie back & think of England while he's pounding away at his porn fantasy?

Mybestestfriend · 15/04/2021 14:09

Don't say anything, just buy him a leotard and present it as a gift.

Soubriquet · 15/04/2021 14:11

I don’t get people making excuses for the dh to be

It’s one thing if you’ve discussed it together and then he surprised you with them, because then he knows you would be in to it too

It’s another to suddenly rock up with them just because it’s his fantasy and worse wasted £140 on them

Beseigedbykillersquirrels · 15/04/2021 14:15

Sure.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 15/04/2021 14:16

@YetAnotherSpartacus

Buy him a full fireman's outfit, oxygen flask the works

Nah. I'd do the whole bondage thing. Gimp mask, chains, thigh-spreader. Chain him to the bed naked. Whisper 'I'll be baaaack' and go out for a night with your women friends.

Yep, was also going to suggest the gimp mask for him but @YetAnotherSpartacus has the perfect response! Do this.
ThumbWitchesAbroad · 15/04/2021 14:18

@iklboo

Just wear them and enjoy how happy it makes him.

What is she? A performing seal? It doesn't make OP happy. Is she supposed to lie back & think of England while he's pounding away at his porn fantasy?

Well said, @iklboo

FFS. I thought we were past the whole "sex is for the man's enjoyment, never mind how the woman feels about any of it" shit. Obviously not in some people's world!

osbertthesyrianhamster · 15/04/2021 14:21

Sorry but it'd be a laugh and a fuck off from me, and the boots would be returned. Can't be doing with that kind of fantasy. This is not at all altruistic of him so don't buy that eager assistant bollocks of how sweet it is he's being direct and wanting to improve things/spice things up and jokes about spending more money on gimp costumes and such. Being direct would be discussing things with you first, not buying you a shit pair of boots for £140 that you don't want.

greeneyedlulu · 15/04/2021 14:22

Lots of over reactions here, per usual, personally I'd pull em on and enjoy. If it went a bit wrong then my dp and I would probably end up in fits of giggles trying to pull them off again. However, I'd be more worried about how you both don't seem to be able to talk to each other about your desires and you're not even married yet.
Out of interest, have you tried them on, not in front your dp?

WhatMattersMost · 15/04/2021 14:23

You're already mismatched sexually and you're not even married. If you don't know how to communicate with your fiancé about this, then the marriage is over before it has started.

goldielockdown2 · 15/04/2021 14:24

I'm surprised at some of the responses here hinting that OP isn't fun and needs to 'let go' a bit. Most women's idea of sexual pleasure just isn't to emulate sex workers. For obvious reasons. Oh dear.

osbertthesyrianhamster · 15/04/2021 14:25

@greeneyedlulu

Lots of over reactions here, per usual, personally I'd pull em on and enjoy. If it went a bit wrong then my dp and I would probably end up in fits of giggles trying to pull them off again. However, I'd be more worried about how you both don't seem to be able to talk to each other about your desires and you're not even married yet. Out of interest, have you tried them on, not in front your dp?
Why should she indulge him in this? I really wouldn't find blowing £140 on something like this a giggle and wouldn't try them on. Hmm
BrownEyedGirl80 · 15/04/2021 14:26

Send them back and keep the money

osbertthesyrianhamster · 15/04/2021 14:27

[quote goldielockdown2 ]I'm surprised at some of the responses here hinting that OP isn't fun and needs to 'let go' a bit. Most women's idea of sexual pleasure just isn't to emulate sex workers. For obvious reasons. Oh dear. [/quote]
I'm not at all surprised, or at the 'you're being OTT for not getting on with it'.

PriestessofPing · 15/04/2021 14:28

Communication is so important in a good sex life. He could have approached this much differently by bringing up this fantasy, asking your thoughts and, if you were on board with wearing something he finds sexy, choosing something together.

You could have spoken to him today by saying the boots are not ones you’d be comfortable with and you’d prefer to talk this sort of thing over first. Maybe if there was something else of that sort you are comfortable with talking about that together.

I don’t get why people spend years together and even marry one another without being able to have these pretty basic compatibility conversations.

osbertthesyrianhamster · 15/04/2021 14:28

@BrownEyedGirl80

Send them back and keep the money
That'd I'd do.
SylviaPlath1984 · 15/04/2021 14:28

@Lullaby88

Id wear them and hav a laugh. Why so serious?
Finally, only took about 50 previous Pearl clutching messages to see one that made sense lol
Meowchickameowmeow · 15/04/2021 14:28

I don't think there's any need to do any of the passive-aggressive shit that always gets suggested on these kinds of threads, do people really behave like that in their relationships?
Just talk to him, tell him they aren't your thing and you don't want to wear them. He'll either return them and never mention it again or he'll sulk, if it's the latter then you might need to rethink things.

GreyhoundG1rl · 15/04/2021 14:29

Stunned at "try them on, if it goes wrong (the mind boggles!) you can have a giggle trying to get them off again" 😂 😂😂
The way some people's minds work.

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