If my cat had AIBU...

[Greenandcabbagelooking]

AIBU to think that three pouches of wet food, two meals of dry food, some treats and unlimited fresh water just isn’t sufficient to sustain a cat? I’m so starved, I had to tell all the children on my human’s zoom lesson about it in the hope they’d feed me. They didn’t, and human shut me out the office, so I only had the whole rest of the house to run around.

How do I call cat line?

@emmetgirl

To expect to be given Dreamies whenever I want them? I'm otherwise undemanding and pretty bloody lovely so it's the least they could do.

Count yourself lucky. My hooman makes me stand up on my back legs to get Dreamies, The indignity!

[quote Toddlerteaplease]@Snooks1971 I'm touched that she well known! [/quote]
Yes she is! I think she’s a bit of a pin-up on Tomsnet. I’m a ten a penny tuxedo cat but a bit of a cougar too.

Well I'm obviously NBU because, cat, but it annoys me so much when I sit on my slave's chest at 3am and she gets irate at me bashing her in the face with my tail.
She complains I dont give her attention in the day and she complains when I do at night. It's lucky I'm the tolerant type. I may throw up on her pillow to register my displeasure though.

snooks I know ! My hoomans had some funny drink last night. They kind of ‘coo’ at me more and laugh a bit more. Even fall asleep on my sofa sometimes so I can just flop all over them without too many problems. Funny drink comes in glass bottles here. Sometimes they ‘pop’. Funny smell when they get close or kiss me. I don’t like ‘funny drink breath’. Mine have been doing the funny drink a bit more since last baby bird season. They’ve also been here in my house more since then. I remember I think when they used to leave me in peace more and went out so I could have my house to myself. Funny stoopid hoomans.

@HeronLanyon mine are drinking the funny drinks again already! I’ve checked my pocket watch and it’s only 5.15pm

I don't think it's outrageous to shit in "shoes" but the hoomans over react every time!!! They hidden all the shoes. They say I've got bad swearing but if they get pissy with me I get hissy with them! If they can't check their "shoes" before they put them on, a cat can't be responsible for shit in the toes....

Why is my hooman so upset I'm lying here? I'm comfy! It's not my fault they can't reach their funny smelling drink that makes them fall asleep!

I have to knock on the flap of my adopted human’s door. Why can’t she just leave it open for me? It’s opposite where I live and I like that garden better. Actually I like her kitchen better and her dripping sink to drink from. I just don’t understand why the flap doesn’t work the same as my home. Silly person she needs to get it fixed and pronto.

So much abuse going on. We are so stoical in the face of it. Bit worried now we’ve left the European feline union where we can take our grievances. Maybe the Supreme Cat or Royal Cats of Justice or even just a Magistrates Cat ??
Every time I think like this I get distracted by my snacks and food situation. My hoomans haven’t even got out of bed yet. Gonna go get them up.

AIBU - She doesn't like my bum hole. I mean I show it to her and she looks away. How rude! It's a great treat to see it.

AIBU to think it is OK to jump onto the kitchen sides and help myself to human food? They even share biscuits without offering them to me, so I find the box and try to open it myself. It's disgraceful.

My other cat now..
AIBU to pee in the bath tub? I have litter trays, yes, but the bath is more appealing to pee in. So what?

(Speaking as a human here) Remember the days when we could call in on people? I used to visit my friend and stay for a brew. Arising from those visits and our interactions during the visits her cat would like me to post the following AIBU on his behalf. He would do it himself but evidently considers me as one of his minions..

"Hello fellow felines, I hope you can help with my query. My AIBU is that during her first visit the aforementioned visitor declared she was allergic to cats. As a certified practitioner of homieowopathy I sat on her lap, shed as much hair as possible and wiped my nose on her hands and face. I consider this to be homiaweopathic as it allows her allergy to kick in and her symptoms to start, thus giving her chance to strengthen her immune system.

In order to give her a visual reference and to reinforce the treatment I also showed her my bumhole. I had to time this between her sneezing in order that she could receive the full effect.

On a subsequent visit I gave her an unexpected little top up treatment. She seemed unsettled so to minimise her anxiety I dropped from the banister and shed hair on impact.

AIBU to continue the treatments on future visits in the face of her noisy ingratitude?"

If these hoomans were going to be all precious about “their” shoes and “their” food what on earth possessed them to agree to come into our homes? They don’t seem to understand they are here under sufferance. Mummy cat taught me there were some Egyptian hoomans that got the right idea, I just need to find one

AIBU to tease the visitor who slept in the first floor spare room, by appearing outside the window in the middle of the night? Her befuddlement at the sight of two round eyes staring in at her (I am black), and at my vocal command to be let in was highly amusing!

Aibu to wavy Hooman food? Instead of the same flavour biscuits every day??! I've shown my displeasure by being outside the door looking at her, then as soon as she opens the door I walk off. 4 times tonight! Anyone ( cat ) else do this?

#want

frick yes - always good to make them move and then ignore them. Top tip. silvery bedform occult - I know ! Support all.

AIBU by taking a shit in the bath?

I have a litter box, I just really don't want to use it so I tend to shit in the bath after the human has cleaned it.

Surely IANBU?

storm I do use outside and sometime litter box but I think you are being considerate. Hoomans shit in their own white thing with water - they don’t use a litter box or go outside. V sensible.
know these are all rhetorical questions - cos invisibly we aren’t being unreasonable but I suddenly felt like agreeing strongly.

I don't know about anyone else, but I'm sick of this WFH thing, it's getting in the way of my lying around time. Clearly I don't normally lie here, but as it's unavailable it's where I want to be. And no, doing your nails does not mean I should move! I can't believe I'm subjected to this kind of abuse.

@KatherineJaneway 's cat
AIBU - She doesn't like my bum hole. I mean I show it to her and she looks away. How rude! It's a great treat to see it.

I find that backing up to the laptop when my hooman is doing some kind of team-talk thing with her ladies (again) gets a better reaction.

My AIBU is from this morning:

My hooman put me in the cat cage and took me to the v-e-t, who gave me an ouchie in my neck. My hooman says it's so I don't get sick.

I'll tell you what makes me sick: being in the cat cage in the car. Luckily, I remembered to scrunch up the towel at the other end of the cat cage so it stayed clean as I needed to rest my poorly head on it. Unfortunately, to reach my towel pillow, I had to turn around and I forgot to tuck my tail out of the way so it got vomit on it.

WIBU to dry my tail when we got home by wiping it across the newly-painted wall?

If they can't learn the very clear difference between the roly-poly-stroke-my-tummy roll, and the just-limbering-up-for-a-deadly-attack roll, they deserve to lose their hand.

I know IANBU

@spurs4ever

I don't know about anyone else, but I'm sick of this WFH thing, it's getting in the way of my lying around time. Clearly I don't normally lie here, but as it's unavailable it's where I want to be. And no, doing your nails does not mean I should move! I can't believe I'm subjected to this kind of abuse.

The WFH things a joke isn't it? Although I've managed over the last year to turn it to my advantage by training them to feed me 4 times a day, not twice as before. And they've finally realised the house gets quite nippy during the day so the central heating is on morning to night now.

I’m I UR to think this cold white stuff should do one?