If my cat had AIBU...

[Greenandcabbagelooking]

AIBU to think that three pouches of wet food, two meals of dry food, some treats and unlimited fresh water just isn’t sufficient to sustain a cat? I’m so starved, I had to tell all the children on my human’s zoom lesson about it in the hope they’d feed me. They didn’t, and human shut me out the office, so I only had the whole rest of the house to run around.

How do I call cat line?

He got extra points as in the absence of cat food he dined on the owner of the property's own tuna.

[quote EerieSilence]@Snooks1971 - it's a deal. While I'm only 13, I'm a seasoned warrior of many wars and battles and I left the footpath covered with the fur of many enemies many times.
Did I also mention how good I was at protecting my humans? When the fat young disciple was hissing at her once, I approached her from the back in the best feline special forces way and bit her in her backside. The following chase and disassembly of the kitchen was spectacular.[/quote]
Well done @EerieSilence! I almost commend you! Btw are you one of those robust boy type cats? Not that it matters one whit, I don’t like other cats anyway. I like how the kitchen got shot to shit though, congratulations my friend. I am a lady cat btw but quite fierce.

Cat 1 - AIBU to be grumpy as favourite hooman still goes out all day but the other hooman has been home for the last 10 months disturbing my peace?

AIBU so sing at the spare bedroom door where he hides all day and from where I have been banned due to my supposed bad behaviour while he sits looking at screens? I mean, why can't he give me attention and surely the people in the screen want to see me too?

AIBU to leap up at favourite hooman when she returns home and demand cuddles for as long as I deem necessary ?

AIBU to have zoomies when the hoomans have gone to bed and then beat my sister up as everything is her fault?

Cat 2 - AIBU to sleep for 23 hours a day and only waken to eat and poop?

AIBU to insist I sleep sprawled on the heated throw, meaning my human doesn’t have any space? It gets far too hot so I have to get down after five minutes, cool off, then start again, but hey ho, that’s my choice.

@Judystilldreamsofhorses

AIBU to insist I sleep sprawled on the heated throw, meaning my human doesn’t have any space? It gets far too hot so I have to get down after five minutes, cool off, then start again, but hey ho, that’s my choice.

Yanbu - you can’t help it if the hoomans are stupid enough not to have fur to keep warm and have the throw heated too hot. That fur thing really is a design flaw. Are there any Hooman breeders out there trying to correct for it it?

bedforme thank you for validating my feelings.

AIBU to have insisted that my hoomin upgrade my heated sleeping pad to an Intel Core i9? It's so much better than the older model.

I mean, the thermal output coefficient is 23.48% higher than for my legacy i3 Core 4 Mod 7 rev 3.3 v2 heated sleeping pad.

Aibu to think my hooman should be grateful for the gifts I bring her? Especially when they are alive and she gets to hunt for them herself? Also she knows I only want to cuddle and play when she's asleep and yet she always tries to pick me up and hug me when she's awake! I've told her so many times I want to play at 3am!

Aibu to forget how to use the catflap after 10pm? So hooman has to stay up until then to let me in otherwise I am stuck outside all night in the cold and wet, which is unacceptable.

AIBU to wonder why I have not been mentioned by any humans for nearly four hours? I feel snubbed.

Best idea for a thread EVER!

AIBU to generally act like an entitled and annoying wee prick, by whining constantly for more food, even though I am well fed?

AIBU to think that all hairbrushes in the house belong to me, and to demand that the daft hoomin has to brush me whenever I want, which is all day?

The hoomin has the cheek to brush her own hair sometimes, with MY brushes, I don't know why she bothers anyway, her hair looks like rats tails.

Another thing, AIBU to think all the mince in the house is mine? I get a wee bit on my special plate, which I will only eat if its on top of the fridge, but the hoomin says I've had mine, but I cry and scream every time til I get more.

That vet (who I love because she says I'm beautiful and tickles my tummy) tells the hoomin it's fine to give me mince, but as a replacement for my tea. I mean Stuff that

These are all hilarious!

AIBU to NOT eat chicken if it’s put on my plate, but only to eat it if it’s hand fed to me piece by piece? Also, if it drops on the floor, AIBU to pretend I can’t see it?

AIBU to think it's not my fault if I get stepped on because I like to lie on the stairs in the dark which are abnormally narrow and also a similar colour to my beautiful coat? I think it's very unfair that I should be disturbed in this way, and that even if hooman with twisted ankle having a panic attack because they're worried they've harmed me does make a big fuss of me after I've bolted howling and limping, just for effect because I'm barely touched, it does not excuse them? What are they thinking prowling around the house in the dark to use their wet litter tray without disturbing other people? It is also not my fault that doors are all left open to allow me to sleep anywhere I choose, in the hope I'll stay off the stairs. Because if they are shut I will have the zombies until they are all opened. And I don't care they have now designated the spare room as mine because I did sleep in there for a few co executive nights. That was LAST MONTH. I am allowed to change my mind on a whim ....

Zoomies and consecutive. Paws and autocorrect don't mix ..... hoomans fix this immediately!!!!

AIBU to dismount from the top of the wardrobe at 3am, and land either on my hooman who's fast asleep, or on the chest of drawers and knock everything off? I wouldn't have to go up there if they didn't get a lummox of a dog.

Aibu to Jump out at my hooman without warning sometimes so they make that stoopid hooman squeaky noise (not like a good mouse squeak at all).
And ‘nother thing - it’s silly not to do it at the top of the stairs when hoomans are going down - that’s the best fun to watch. My hoomans once they stop squeaking or wobbling or grabbing hold of something like a baby kind of boom at me then and tell me it’s ‘dangrous’.
I’m fed up of not havin enough fun and my hoomans being stupid babies and not jumping back at me !

@Snooks1971

AIBU to NOT eat chicken if it’s put on my plate, but only to eat it if it’s hand fed to me piece by piece? Also, if it drops on the floor, AIBU to pretend I can’t see it?

Is your Name Cheddar? That's what she does!

@Toddlerteaplease ah I have heard of this Cheddar! She is well renowned in mystical cat circles (via Catsnet). She is very clever I must admit!

AIBU to want to help sort out my hoomans pest problem? I mean the hooman has caged it, but it's still alive! Her attempts of getting rid are pathetic, but everytime I try to finish the job she tells me I'm not allowed to hurt it. Is it just me, or is she cray cray?

To expect to be given Dreamies whenever I want them? I'm otherwise undemanding and pretty bloody lovely so it's the least they could do.

@HeronLanyon I forgot to mention, my human people also drink those funny drinks you mentioned. Quite often it seems. They are doing it right now in fact.

So funny, it makes them forget whether I’m inside or outside (I go in/out, in/out multiple times on a whim). How I laugh (evilly) from my warm spot under the bed when I hear them searching for me outside. I pretend I’m deaf.

@Snooks1971 I'm touched that she well known!

The stupid human poured water on my head. Absolute idiots, I know my heads bleeding, but I'm a bloody cat!! And don't even think of taking me in that plastic jail to see that man graeme, he's a grade A twunt who tried to trick me with 'treats'

Also, the humans have got this weird barky thing. I AM THE BOSS