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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not share my Christmas bonus with my DP?

175 replies

Fressia123 · 02/12/2020 16:36

I'm the higher earner and don't keep any money to myself. This bonus was completely unexpected and feel like my either saving it or buying something for myself. Is that selfish?

OP posts:
Upstartcrones · 02/12/2020 16:38

How much was it? not for being nosy but if it were below £1k that makes a big different to if it were say £50k

SpongebobNoPants · 02/12/2020 16:38

It depends... if it’s say £500 or less then I think it’s reasonable to treat yourself.
If it’s in the £1000s then it’s unfair to keep it to yourself.
How would you feel if he got a bonus and said he’s spending it solely on himself? Would you be ok with that?

xoxogossipgirl2020 · 02/12/2020 16:38

I also think it depends on how much it is...

Original poster
Fressia123 · 02/12/2020 16:38

Sorry forgot to mention it's £500

OP posts:
TestingTestingWonTooFree · 02/12/2020 16:39

Difficult to say without more info.

DimidDavilby · 02/12/2020 16:39

Is he also working? If he takes on caring responsibilities etc then you should share.

Soontobe60 · 02/12/2020 16:39

As we split everything equally, I’d be sharing it. We even split his inheritance from his DM earlier this year.

katy1213 · 02/12/2020 16:39

Of course not, it's your money, you earned it. I wouldn't even mention I'd got it, if you think he'll feel entitled to a share.

xoxogossipgirl2020 · 02/12/2020 16:39

Oh! Spend it on yourself then! I wouldn’t, but that’s me and if you want to then I don’t think it’s unreasonable

ThornAmongstRoses · 02/12/2020 16:39

My husband had a bonus a few months ago and he went to put it into the joint account but I told him to go out and buy something for himself that he really wanted but otherwise couldn’t afford.

He was really reluctant, he said it didn’t feel right to spend it on himself, but I really wanted him to treat himself and get something just for him.

How would your partner feel if you told him? Maybe he’d feel the same as I did towards my husband’s bonus and want you to treat yourself?

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 02/12/2020 16:39

£500 I wouldn’t split 50:50, but I might get them a token or a takeaway or some treat and then keep the rest.

ForeverRedSkinhead · 02/12/2020 16:39

Talk to your partner about it.

When my husband recieved a bonus he put half of it in our savings and kept the other half back to treat himself. We did talk about it first though.

superram · 02/12/2020 16:40

I have said yanbu but with caveats. As long as you are not in debt and not saving hard for something specific and the amount. A few £100 I’d but myself something but also probably my dh. More than £1000 I would want to do something sensible or put towards a holiday (at least some of it anyway).

VimFuego101 · 02/12/2020 16:40

DH and I throw all our regular salary cash in one pot, but since bonuses are usually based on individual hard work, we try and keep those for ourselves rather than share/ use them for household costs. Obviously if we had an urgent bill we'd have to use bonus money if no other option but I think it's fair that you should get to keep it.

Upstartcrones · 02/12/2020 16:40

Go spend it on whatever you want! do not feel one ounce of guilt. Its been a shit year and you've earned it Grin

katy1213 · 02/12/2020 16:40

Oh, for heaven's sake - £500! That's hardly a matter for consultation. Just treat yourself to something nice.

wishywashywoowoo70 · 02/12/2020 16:41

I'd keep it for yourself

rubyslippers · 02/12/2020 16:41

Without background I don’t know why you wouldn’t tell him / share it
Feels like there’s more to it

Timeforabiscuit · 02/12/2020 16:42

Is your partners expectation that you share?

Everyone has vastly different set ups, levels of debt, attitudes to spending and saving that there is no hard and fast rule.

Do you feel awkward discussing this with your partner?

Original poster
Fressia123 · 02/12/2020 16:42

This is separate to my EOY bonus which is linked to my annual review in February. It's just a "thank you" from our CEO.

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 02/12/2020 16:42

If you can manage on your joint wages and this is completely extra, then I think it's fine to keep it. If he was a great SAHD who enabled you to work long hours etc, then I'd say share it.

tenbob · 02/12/2020 16:43

If this was reversed, and someone posted to say their DH spent his £500 bonus on himself without consultation, the screams of ‘LTB’ and ‘family money’ would be audible from space

Original poster
Fressia123 · 02/12/2020 16:43

No I don't feel awkward. But I put ALL of my salary and my trust money into the joint account. He gets to keep about £300 every month for his previous/personal debts and whatever he's saving for (in this case the engagement ring).

OP posts:
MissDoLots · 02/12/2020 16:44

Depends.

Is your family just scraping by ? Does the 'family pot' need this money ? Is the family going without something this money could be used for?

If not, keep it to yourself and buy something lovely !

YellowPostItPad · 02/12/2020 16:45

Depends if you like him or not...

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