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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not share my Christmas bonus with my DP?

175 replies

Fressia123 · 02/12/2020 16:36

I'm the higher earner and don't keep any money to myself. This bonus was completely unexpected and feel like my either saving it or buying something for myself. Is that selfish?

OP posts:
L4uz · 02/12/2020 19:19

I've spent my Christmas bonus on my DH :)

PrincessBuggerPants · 02/12/2020 19:26

Do you have enough money to both have:

Clothes you need
Haircuts you want

And do you have enough money to have:
A family holiday
Family car and associated repairs (if you need one)
Home repairs that need doing

If yes, then knock yourself out.

Redtartanshoes · 02/12/2020 19:28

I get various bonuses though out the year from £100 to £4000 at Xmas. I chose to buy something for ds and dp out of it.... because I love them. And doing nice things makes me happy: sometimes it might be a bottle of gin or a new football, sometimes more, weekend away etc: dp does the same for me. Nice to be nice and all that 🤷🏽‍♀️

Thisisworsethananticpated · 02/12/2020 19:28

If it’s £500 have a legit treat yoself

LEELULUMPKIN · 02/12/2020 19:31

I'm a SAHM so I don't get bonuses but DH does and automatically gives me half of whatever he gets. It's usually a lot more than £500 too.

He says it's in recognition of my hard work at home.

I feel there is more going on in your relationship that you are even questioning whether to split it.

Feministicon · 02/12/2020 19:33

Do you think he’d expect you to share it? If my DH earnt a bonus I’d expect him to tell me but equally treat himself with it, he works hard. So do I but public sector so bonuses rarely given

Feministicon · 02/12/2020 19:34

@LEELULUMPKIN

I'm a SAHM so I don't get bonuses but DH does and automatically gives me half of whatever he gets. It's usually a lot more than £500 too.

He says it's in recognition of my hard work at home.

I feel there is more going on in your relationship that you are even questioning whether to split it.

That’s how it should be 👍
DarkDarkNight · 02/12/2020 19:39

I think if the rest of you and your partner’s money is family money you wouldn’t be unreasonable to want to keep your bonus for yourself.

Catsup · 02/12/2020 19:40

@Redolent I'm completely not aghast at OP enabling her DP to save up for her engagement ring if that's what she wants. But I'd be buggered if I was prepared to pay for my own ring via then placing my own money into somebody else's bank account that already has form for debt 🙄.

Original poster
Fressia123 · 02/12/2020 19:41

Yes we have enough money. Holidays are usually paid by my family (as they usually involve visiting them) but yes we're all covered!

OP posts:
grassisjeweled · 02/12/2020 19:45

500 quid? keep it

Feministicon · 02/12/2020 19:48

Oh and well done on your hard work OP 🎉

Original poster
Fressia123 · 02/12/2020 19:56

Thank you! It was a nice year in the work wise. I got my promotion which is the stepping stone to become a head/director :)

OP posts:
Feministicon · 02/12/2020 19:58

That’s brilliant!

BillMasen · 02/12/2020 20:05

Ok so unless I’m misreading OP has 2200 each month and pays 900 to joint bills. No debts, the rest is hers? Theirs?

Partner pays 600 and is left with 300, which covers debts and saving for an engagement ring

And he’s being criticised? Told to pay more? It’s a tough crowd on here...

Ok n the 500 bonus, I do actually think it’s ok to treat yourself as long as it’s not a secret (I think you said you’d told him) and you’d be happy the other way round. I think personally I’d spend half on me and the rest save or share tbh

BillMasen · 02/12/2020 20:09

I think I’ve totally mangled the numbers so both a reading comprehension fail and a maths fail. Ignore my post :)

Christmasfairy2020 · 02/12/2020 20:17

Err no. 500 then tax or 500 after tax? I had a bonus last month of 300.and 300 over time after tax man it was 400 Angry
Didnt share it but I did buy my families xmas gifts Smile

SpudsandGravy · 02/12/2020 20:19

@Bugoluu

I feel it would be very different responses if a man who was the main earner did not share his bonus with his wife
Have to say I agree.
Sceptre86 · 02/12/2020 20:26

My dh usually gets a big bonus every year and puts some either towards house improvements or a holiday from which we all benefit. He then keeps the rest to do whatever he wants. More often than not he will buy me something with it but I don't expect anything, he works hard for it.

I would keep half and put some towards a nice meal or something for you to look forward to as a couple.

akerman · 02/12/2020 20:27

When I have had a bonus I’ve bought us each as all treat and put the rest towards our savings. I’m tragically boring though.

akerman · 02/12/2020 20:27

a small treat

Original poster
Fressia123 · 02/12/2020 20:45

It's £500 before tax

OP posts:
amotherslove7 · 02/12/2020 20:46

Keep it!!!

And why are you putting 100% of your money in the joint account?

But he puts a portion of his in the joint account?

That doesn't seem right to me.

I would have a 10 to 20% of my salary directly deposited into a savings account with my name only on it.

Catsup · 02/12/2020 20:54

Use the £500 plus whatever is in the 'engagement ring' pot to buy your ring. Then at least it's done, you know its bought, everyone's happy, and you know the money hasn't gone towards something else? As for the future? I'd speak to a solicitor to ring fence the bequeath trust inheritance to ensure that DP won't be able to make a future claim if it all goes tits up after marriage. Nothing against your DP at all, but you don't want to put yourself in that position (you really don't).

Original poster
Fressia123 · 02/12/2020 21:00

It's ring-fenced so all good! I want some nice make-up do maybe I'll buy that

OP posts:
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