AIBU in thinking that most people’s mental health has deteriorated in 2020

[Mistlewoeandwhine]

Just that really. Everything is harder and shittier and I’m finding it hard to feel positive. I don’t want to ask for help in RL as everyone I know is in a similar position.
YABU - I feel fine
YANBU - I feel shitty too

YABU. I don’t think everything is harder and/shittier.

I enjoyed lockdown and I love seeing how people have made the best of a less than ideal situation. There are lots of positive stories out there, and you can be one yourself, you just have to look and try.

I haven’t voted because my mental health is in a better place but that’s because I’ve worked bloody hard at it, not because lockdown hasn’t been horrible.

I enjoyed lockdown and I love seeing how people have made the best of a less than ideal situation.

Can you give an example?

@hula008

I enjoyed lockdown and I love seeing how people have made the best of a less than ideal situation.

Can you give an example?

There’s millions of them out there. The rainbow walks, all the new hobbies people have taken on during that time, spending more quality time with family you live with, time to simply slow down and relax, community spirit, changes in the way life works in general eg. wfh.

Life is what you make it. Lots of people made the best of their time in lockdown. Others moaned and are now miserable.

Yanbu but I would say do ask for help, even in shit times people want to help each other. Plus helping people gives your mental health a boost too quite often.

There's always someone on mumsnet who can empathise xx

I think lockdown was very polarising which is partly why people are so angry about it.

For some people it was unmitigated hell (people working in covid wards or people working from home without childcare). For others it was a blast: if you were on furlough, aside from the lack of things to do and the job uncertainty it was pretty breezy.

So not everyone suffered.

I have to say one of the things which affected my mental state worst was endless updates from people lucky enough not to have to work about how much they were enjoying the time with their children. I know it wasn’t intended as such but reading about people’s endless crafting exploits and love of their gardens felt like a big slap in the face.

Life is what you make it - jeez. Yes we are all enjoying being out of work and worrying about how to feed our families solely because Covid has destroyed our livelihoods. I don’t know why I didn’t think of a new hobby as an alternative. I mean I get that some people have enjoyed this because their lives haven’t been affected in the slightest but have some empathy - life is what you make it is an awful thing to say to people going through it right now.

I became hysterical, paranoid that the toilet would overflow when I flushes it, the cooker was gonna catch on fire overnight, laying on my bed staring at the wall for hours at a time crying because of a stupid comment and everything felt like the end of the world, tight anxious chest all the time, I'm sure you get the picture but luckily I've responded really well to antidepressants and I feel better now, more than ever, but yes the uncertainty of lockdown pushed me over an edge.

It's shit. I think a lot of people are well at fuck it point and are just going to do what they want to and take their chances because lockdowns a) don't work to eliminate a respiratory virus b) there's nothing positive about house arrest and c) lots of people are losing their livelihoods and need to seek another one.

Feel sorry for all those in horrible housing during lockdown, parents of children with special needs, people trapped in domestic violence, people who lost their jobs and on and on.

This needs to stop. Society cannot function like this.

My MH is definitely feeling very bruised. I think the new abnormal is ghastly. Fair play to all those who are in rhapsodies at the joy of it all, but for me it’s been various circles of hell.

Lockdown was exhausting for us due to having to work, having to fit that in within school hours (which meant us both having to do odd shifts to work around school as we were working out of the house) and then the worry as we have frail family members, knowing many care home workers who had a dreadful time of it etc.

I did enjoy not having any plans on my days off and us just going out for walks and scooter/ bike rides etc but I am pleased the children have some form of normality for the time being.

I have had some issues and I did have counselling from work but it wasn’t just Covid related. My father passed away at the beginning of May and because he was in a care home we couldn’t get to see him, we have an ongoing legal battle with the people who own the land round our house and adult son came back to live with us with his girlfriend to shelter from Covid- and we had got used to the empty nest. Put Covid lockdown in the mix and as my counsellor said it wasn’t surprising I had a bit of a struggle. I would be surprised if people weren’t having mental health issues to be honest. Trying to work from home and educating the kids, losing jobs, the mess the government is making of the whole thing.....

I think lots of peoples mental wellbeing has taken a battering this year.

I was furloughed for 8 weeks and can honestly say it wasn't fun. I struggled with it hugely. Yes I did try to make the most of it but constantly worried about job security and money. While my colleagues who were not furloughed were worn out and unable to get a break. I do think we have all suffered in this year, just with different things.

I also think it's not only ok, but good for us to be able to talk to others. It can really help when we see that it's not only us that's struggling

Personally, my own mental health has improved massively over lockdown. I recognise that isn’t the case for many people for whom home is not the safe place it should be, or who have struggled with juggling home schooling and wfh, etc or who are extroverts and need social interaction.

I’m an introvert, I find People exhausting, so being able to wfh is a dream come true. It also removed that pressure to go places and see people, which I hadn’t realised I found so stressful. Also, after seeing germs everywhere for years when my DD was going though cancer treatment, finally now everyone else is seeing them too and I feel validated! Joking, but only sort of. I’m not germ phobic but I was hyper aware of risks when she was ill.

It’s complete shit and I agree, you don’t feel like you can voice your worries/depression because we are all in the same boat.
Anyone who states they have enjoyed this lockdown are saying that from a place of privilege and I find it in bad taste to even state that, as millions of people have lost their livelihoods and may lose their homes, children have lost their education, some have to wear masks 6-8 hours a day in school.

For us lock down was hard.
I run a business with no let up.
DH works for a company that made 1/3 redundant.
He was away a lot with work in lock down.
So I had 2 children (one of whom is a toddler) to entertain and one to home school whilst working 60 hours a week on the business.
I drank more and MH took a massive hit

I’m not going to say YABU. But my mental health has improved. The slower pace,the routine with my children, daily exercise, time for me, time todo the things I love. For me it’s been like a holiday from the things I find stressful.

But I appreciate that so many people have found it horrible.

I agree op, only the most resilient of people will get through unscathed. It has definitely been one of the most stressful periods of my life. Yes compared to others I got off very lightly, we were both working out of the home as usual so had no money worries and we are lucky to have secure jobs. However the fitting in home school and having to work opposite each other nearly broke us. Work was incredibly stressful due to staffing being awful and constant changes to guidelines. We both had almost two weeks off in July but as soon as we stopped and relaxed - of course we both got sick. Our moods were low and we didn't actually manage any relaxed downtime. I have never felt as tired as I do now, totally and utterly burnt out.

I totally understand how you feel

I'm a therapist with the longest waiting list I've ever had in 18 years

Says it all

userzzz not necessarily from a place of privilege. I disagree that people shouldn’t be allowed to voice their experience.

If you’re on benefits anyway, income didn’t change in lockdown.

I’d never say that nobody should voice their positive feelings about returning to normality just because I find that normality stressful and difficult.

Mine’s been OK. Every time I get sick of the relentlessness of it, I just remember what our grandparents went through in the war and how never-ending that must have been felt. This is shit, but it’s not the worst thing that humans have ever had to face. Indeed, it’s not the worst thing I have ever been through.

I've never suffered with my mental health but lockdown as a lone parent with a crazy 3 year old sent me to a dark place. I wasn't suicidal but I started to understand how people could get to that stage. Days when I was fantasing about becoming ill or having an accident so I could go to hospital for a few nights of peace were a particular low point.

I feel like I'm the only person I know who found it so difficult and I feel guilty that I'd didn't cherish this extra time with my children. I saw a poem the other day about how difficult lockdown was but at the end it mentioned all the great memories that lockdown gave. I don't have any great memories, I genuinely did not enjoy one single part and it makes me feel like a horrible parent. If I'm honest I hated every single minute of the "precious" time with my children home from school.

I feel ok mentally but very stressed.
Stressed that any day my kid will be sent home from school, or their extracurricular activity.
Only realised later that if shes a contact from her activity that will be two weeks she is off for that her school class wont be. So now limited her extracurricular activities. She was doing 4 last year but just 2 now. One of which is over video.
Just don't want her to miss out on her education. And dont want her needing to isolate every week cos someone has tested positive.
Worried about job.
Any moment my kids can get a temp and cough and suddenly I cant go into work?
Not even sure how it would work.
Then family worries. My mum is at high risk. So trying to avoid visiting her, but my brother who lives with her is a teacher. And he had 3 kids who all go to school.
So really not sure.
That's only covid worries and not including anything else.
Was trying for a baby last year but had a miscarriage. Waited to see how covid would pan out but it's still ongoing.
So now trying again.
But then if I do become pregnant how would that affect my job etc.
Just too much crap going on.
But obviously you just cope and keep going.

@Userzzz

It’s complete shit and I agree, you don’t feel like you can voice your worries/depression because we are all in the same boat. Anyone who states they have enjoyed this lockdown are saying that from a place of privilege and I find it in bad taste to even state that, as millions of people have lost their livelihoods and may lose their homes, children have lost their education, some have to wear masks 6-8 hours a day in school.

I’m absolutely saying from a place of privilege and I acknowledged that in my reply. That doesn’t make my experience irrelevant or in bad taste though. OP asked, after all!

And no amount of rainbow pictures and walks made me feel better.