AIBU in thinking that most people’s mental health has deteriorated in 2020

[Mistlewoeandwhine]

Just that really. Everything is harder and shittier and I’m finding it hard to feel positive. I don’t want to ask for help in RL as everyone I know is in a similar position.
YABU - I feel fine
YANBU - I feel shitty too

[CherryPavlova]

No I think its a mixture - some are healthier and some are less healthy. Some have enjoyed it and some have struggled - just as with any situation.

We've had lots of good times and some things that are very similar to usual. We're disappointed about not going abroad but have enjoyed some UK breaks. Lovely weather has made it nicer.

[Poppyismyfavourite]

I enjoyed lockdown, was WFH and my job is secure, and am pregnant with my first (very much wanted) baby... and I still feel shit! It's like a general feeling of negativity has descended, even though on paper everything in my life is going really well :(

[Bluntness100]

Honestly, I’m about the same. I’m quite pragmatic, and just get on with stuff. I dislike lock down but it didn’t impact my mental health either way.

I think growing up in an abusive home, honestly it really needs to go some to be worse than that. And of course it wasn’t. When you survive that, other stuff pales into insignificance.

[SonjaMorgan]

I have felt better and happier even though I lost my business. My DC also seemed happier. I am a people pleaser so find a lot of my relationships stressful. I have enjoyed walking, cooking, gardening and reading. I also don't think I will ever get to spend that amount of time with DC again.

I have also set up 2 new businesses and have been writing another book so I suppose I am busier than most.

[BillywilliamV]

My mental health is fine,still the same old rainbow penguin!

[sirfredfredgeorge]

and community spirit seems mostly to be shaming other people for having different needs to yourself.

[JustCallMeGriffin]

I'm doing better than normal, positives for me...

• not having to socialise just to keep positive general relationships with people (work, sport team socials with children etc)
• spending far more time with my family
• no commuting but being able to work from home
• actually have time to exercise (see no commuting above)

There have been some crappy and worrying times, financially and how this will affect my parents but the positives are outweighing these at present. I'm conscious that this could all change if someone I care about is badly affected by covid, I'm also on the 'at risk' list for losing my job at work so it's certainly not all roses but currently my mental health is doing quite well so I'm taking it as a win.

[SockYarn]

@TOFO1965

My MH is definitely feeling very bruised. I think the new abnormal is ghastly. Fair play to all those who are in rhapsodies at the joy of it all, but for me it’s been various circles of hell.

This in spades. Lockdown was fucking awful with two of us trying to work full time from home, and simultaneously educate three older children. Teenagers aren't interested in twee rainbow walks, they want to be at Nando's with their mates. Exams cancelled. Massive uncertainty around everything, jobs, university, schooling.

I can appreciate that people furloughed on 80% of their salary from a job they didn't particularly enjoy, with a couple of younger primary children might have found it a bit of an extended holiday.

But for everyone else it was horrendous.

[FuzzyPuffling]

I've found it difficult - at times VERY difficult. As a shielding household (proper, "got a letter" shielding, not the loose way some people use the phrase) we've (DH and I) have been staying in, keeping to the rules and watching our friends and neighbours having parties ("You can watch over the fence") and having their families to stay.

And here we go on MN again..."Why can't we just tell the vulnerable to stay in so the rest of us can get on with our lives?". That attitude both frightens and hugely saddens me. Such an assumption that we are all elderly or about to die very soon, neither of which is true.

We are definitely re-evaluating friendships and realising that the people you thought you were c lose to are not always the ones that count wehen the chips are down. And that makes me sad.

[B3ttyBoop]

I'd say it's been a blessing for some and an absolute nightmare for others. I'm in-between; i've enjoyed some aspects of it but hated the uncertainty about my work etc.. I know it's cold comfort for those who have lost their jobs, and/or their health or loved ones but i think we were lucky that this happened in early spring. If it had been circulating last October, it probably would've affected more people and a Christmas lockdown would've been really miserable.

[ameliajoan]

Life is what you make it - jeez. Yes we are all enjoying being out of work and worrying about how to feed our families solely because Covid has destroyed our livelihoods.

thewinkingprawn Except that isn’t the case for everyone. None of my family or friends have lost jobs, though many were on furlough including DH and I.

Covid did not destroy everyone’s livelihoods and actually made it better for many people.

Anyone who states they have enjoyed this lockdown are saying that from a place of privilege and I find it in bad taste to even state that,

Userzzz Of course it’s not bad taste. Nobody is gloating, and as someone who thoroughly enjoyed lockdown and wouldn’t mind another one, I can appreciate that not everybody did.

Everyone has the right to express their opinions, particularly when asked on the situation.

Stating it’s in bad taste is like saying you shouldn’t be able to discuss what you’re having for tea because there’s starving children in Africa.

[BillywilliamV]

My theory is that the more you enjoy the lockdown, the worst it probably is for you long term! It’s too easy to shut yourself away and not integrate

[user1471538283]

I worked throughout lockdown and some people had absolutely no consideration of this. It was absolutely miserable

[lazylinguist]

YABU. Many people's will have got worse, but not everybody's. Although I fear that, as usual on this kind of thread, anyone who says they've been doing well will be attacked for being smug even though they're only answering the OP's question.

Apparently lots of teenagers' mental health got better during lockdown. Mine has been great tbh. 6 months off work (not paid, but financially able to deal with that), dh at home too (working from home but on a fairly relaxed schedule and on full pay), dc enjoyed the break from school. Lots of outdoors exercise and fresh air, time to pursue hobbies at home. Enjoyed online face contact with extended family (who we don't see much anyway normally because they live a long way away).

[AlrightTreacle]

My mental health was slowly declining before lockdown, and hit rock bottom in April. I've slowly built it back up, with help from family and friends, and feel a lot better. It's been awful but maybe in a way it was a bit of a wake up call that I needed to develop some better coping strategies than my old method of pretending like everything was okay when it wasn't.

[vanillandhoney]

Mine has improved massively.

I quit my job in February due to stress, after being off work for about three months or so. Lockdown actually gave me a great chance to reset myself, take time out to sleep, rest and recover.

My new business (that I started just before lockdown) restarted in June and it's been amazing. My work-life balance is incredible, I'm happier than I've been in years and my stress, insomnia and anxiety have all disappeared.

[Solasum]

I have never really thought about my mental health before, but this year I have had to. Definitely feel more vulnerable than before, and am trying to self care

[flirtygirl]

I think you would find that you are wrong.

Many people are okay as normal or doing better. Modern life and the pace did not suit everyone. Some people like the changes, even though they thought they would not. Others have had hardship and are resilient and have adapted.

Anyway mental health is not linked to having a good time or being resilient. Some will find even though their situation has changed, that their mental health is fine. Others will suffer poor mental health even in the best of times.

I think people need to stop linking mental health to misfortune so much. Yes suffering hardship can affect your mental health but its one of many many factors.

Anyway the op' title of "most people’s mental health has deteriorated in 2020" is wrong.

[OverTheRubicon]

I enjoyed lockdown and I love seeing how people have made the best of a less than ideal situation. There are lots of positive stories out there, and you can be one yourself, you just have to look and try.

Of course you can say you had a decent time, that's great, but you specifically said you can be one yourself, that's what got peoples' backs up. Excuse me for not trying enough - I had a full time job that was exceptionally busy through lockdown so I saw less of my dcs, my DH had a massive mental health crisis and now has moved out and cannot be alone with the kids. As a lone parent to 3 very young and sad DCs, I'd ideally find a new job, but there's nothing going in my industry that is part time, and others have said they might normally consider flex but don't need to right now due to the high number of qualified applicants. Can't see my parents or get any help as they're highly vulnerable and on the other side of the country, nor my sisters because they live overseas and I'd need to quarantine for 2 weeks with DCs, so don't have enough leave to visit them, nor visit my nan who is locked in her care home and deteriorating rapidly.

And I'm not even one of the worst off, at least I still have a job and nobody I love has died.

Yes, we had some lovely weekends and rainbow walks, but positive thinking doesn't cut it for everyone's situation, have some empathy.

[sirfredfredgeorge]

I am surprised at how many people had such dysfunctional lives before, celebrating the fact that they get to see their family, exercise etc. What was preventing you caring for yourself before that needed you to be forced into it?

[SomewhereEast]

69% of people are saying YANBU though, so not sure the OP is a wrong as you think she is?

[SomewhereEast]

I'm definitely worse. I've always struggled with anxiety & depression issues (thanks epically shit childhood!) but I was making such good progress up till this spring. I was off anti-depressants, I'd worked hard to establish good routines & habits to boost my mood etc...now I feel like I'm almost back to square one. And I'm relatively insulated from it all - no health concerns, bit of an introvert, income is secure in the short to medium term, decent sized living space, DCs are at an OK age for all this etc. But I miss living. I miss spontaneity and holidays and seeing my family (all overseas and we / they can't manage the quarantine). I miss there actually being new things to see in the cinema. I miss eating out with people. I miss going over to a friend's house without having to stop & think because it adds up to more than bloody six. I miss days out where you can just pop into places. I'm going to miss the hell out of Halloween and Christmas, because for me they're silly and fun and make winter more bearable. I miss the days when I wasn't on tenterhooks every time the DC cough. Most of all I hate the uncertainty and the knowledge that even as I write Matt Hancock is probably thinking up new ways to shit all over our lives. And I honestly don't know a single person IRL who isn't worn out by now.

[HeresMe]

I've wanted to kill my self a few times during this and got seriously close.

These fuckers on about rainbow walks ect have been a bit sad in all likelihood not depressed it's a huge difference.

[SingToTheSky]

I feel like some things have got better and others worse. I’ve done some good stuff like getting fitter which is definitely helping, but my confidence in most areas has totally gone to shit, I cried a lot yesterday for example after speaking to a work advisor because the thought of putting myself out there is terrifying

[SingToTheSky]

I’m also struggling a lot more with the difficulties caused by my autism/ADHD. I have had horrific meltdowns like never before.