AIBU in thinking that most people’s mental health has deteriorated in 2020

[Mistlewoeandwhine]

Just that really. Everything is harder and shittier and I’m finding it hard to feel positive. I don’t want to ask for help in RL as everyone I know is in a similar position.
YABU - I feel fine
YANBU - I feel shitty too

Much surely depends on individual circumstances.

Have a MH issue. Have been v lucky indeed so far as regards my and family’s physical health and work/income. The break from commuting has been v good, can get up at 7 instead of 6am and get exercise every day. And eat better. Think this has made a positive difference.

Challenges have been worry about elderly/vulnerable family members’ health and wellbeing, and aiding the DCs’ distance learning while working FT.

Agree too with PPs with longstanding MH conditions: we have some useful ‘tools’ to turn to in times of difficulty!

I think that people’s mental health has been affected in so many different ways. I work in a hospital so was on the Wards each day and - although very stressful at times - I really appreciated having the routine , job security and seeings patients and Colleagues. I think that being furloughed would have been harder in a different way. Having said that - I had a week off for the first time in 6 months in August - and it was absolute bliss !

It's that old saying beloved by our '(in)glorious' leader.. "we are all in this together " !

Well surprise surprise. He lied.

Yes for sure we are all navigating the same stormy sea together but some of us are on super yachts with state of the art stabilisers ... whilst others are clinging to a bit of driftwood desperately trying to tread water.

For myself - I no longer endure 3 hours of commuting daily. No more school runs or running kids around as youngest now drives. My life is much much slower. My salary has stayed the same but I've saved a fortune on travel. I live in an tiny house but with a beautiful view that feeds my soul and have had months to really enjoy that.

So no. MY mental health is MUCH improved. However , put me in a high rise in an inner city with 2 kids under 10 .. and even if I still had an income I would be climbing the walls... that's the issue . It's so polarising.

Wealth and space make it bearable even fun.

Poverty and inadequate housing make it shit.

@VeggieSausageRoll well done on the new job, this is actually a really lovely positive story of what has come from your experience.

@vanillandhoney

Again, I don't hold it against those of you for the fact that its worked out well. Good for you. I could just do without the whole "why aren't you focusing on the positive" stuff.

Lots of people haven't actually said that, though. They've just answered OP's question.

Lots of people who have struggled seem to be very keen to jump all over anyone who dares say otherwise. It's not really necessary. I get it feels massively unfair, but attacking other people won't change your situation at all.

Fair enough. Most of the comments on this thread have been people stating fact.

I've seen previous commentary on these sorts of "isn't lockdown positive" threads from people which I thought had an unpleasantly smug undertone.

But I accept that I am massively resentful and need to deal with it.

I coped ok with the initial lockdown.

But i’m not coping now with the never ending list of changing restrictions. In lockdown I held on to the hope that the end was in sight. Now i feel that will never come.

I've seen previous commentary on these sorts of "isn't lockdown positive" threads from people which I thought had an unpleasantly smug undertone.

Maybe those threads are from people who struggle hugely the rest of the time? Or from people who were just extremely stressed and overwhelmed, and who therefore benefitted from life going on "pause" for a while.

I spent the 6-9 month period before lockdown struggling with my MH - stress, anxiety, depression as well as a recent ASD diagnosis. The lockdown gave me a break from the day-to-day activities that I normally find incredibly stressful and overwhelming. Not everyone enjoys or relishes the hustle and bustle of "normal" life.

mistymonday vanillandhoney

"The people who think those of us not struggling In lockdown are being smug might want to have compassion and factor in that some of us actually find the ‘normal life’ you so miss really hard."

Fine. I (kind of) get that. But the problem with that is that presupposes that you have sufficient comfort in your life that you are able to just step off the "normal life" bandwagon in the first place.

Some of us find "normal life" really pretty hard even in normal conditions but we don't get to walk off into this lovely calm life with lots of time in our gardens making rainbows for the NHS just because we're in lockdown. Our survival depends on the kind of normal, ratracy, extrovert, hustling life you all seem to hate so much and we have to keep hustling. And it kind of stings to be told how much you look down on us, to be honest.

Yeah I probably do sound resentful and probably should deal with it

The people who think those of us not struggling In lockdown are being smug might want to have compassion and factor in that some of us actually find the ‘normal life’ you so miss really hard

Very much this.

I'm bemused at being labelled 'self-absorbed' by someone who is seemingly incapable of grasping that other people have different priorities, lifestyles, values, personalities, concerns, needs and wants. Lockdown has affected everyone differently. No matter how it has impacted on you, your feelings about it are perfectly legitimate, and that does nothing to deligitimise anyone elses.

If we go back into lockdown again, I'll welcome the deserted roads, deserted streets, empty shops, empty buses, and general lack of other people around. I won't miss human company one iota as I don't have any need or desire for it on any case, so that simply isn't a factor for me and didn't bother me in the slightest the first time around.

None of that means that I can't fathom that it is a totally different experience for other people, or that I can't sympathise or empathise with them.

Far from it being people who enjoyed lockdown who are "seriously mentally ill", a ridiculous and downright offensive take, it's people who are utterly incapable of grasping the concept that the world is not exactly the same for every human being who are displaying significant markers for personality disorders etc.

Some of us find "normal life" really pretty hard even in normal conditions but we don't get to walk off into this lovely calm life with lots of time in our gardens making rainbows for the NHS just because we're in lockdown. Our survival depends on the kind of normal, ratracy, extrovert, hustling life you all seem to hate so much and we have to keep hustling. And it kind of stings to be told how much you look down on us, to be honest.

This just makes you come across as really angry and bitter, and it also shows that you have practically zero understanding of the difficulties that some people have to go through everyday because they struggle with their mental health, or with autism or other social or sensory disorders.

It's got absolutely nothing to do with us "looking down" on anything.

@vanillandhoney

Some of us find "normal life" really pretty hard even in normal conditions but we don't get to walk off into this lovely calm life with lots of time in our gardens making rainbows for the NHS just because we're in lockdown. Our survival depends on the kind of normal, ratracy, extrovert, hustling life you all seem to hate so much and we have to keep hustling. And it kind of stings to be told how much you look down on us, to be honest.

This just makes you come across as really angry and bitter, and it also shows that you have practically zero understanding of the difficulties that some people have to go through everyday because they struggle with their mental health, or with autism or other social or sensory disorders.

It's got absolutely nothing to do with us "looking down" on anything.

I am angry and bitter, yes. I freely admit that. I'm really angry that I was left to "home school" my child with absolutely zero support for months on end and that my employer basically exploited me for this purpose and wrung every pound out of me.

And I do understand that some people struggle with mental health -- I struggle with it too (I'm sure what autism has to do with this particularly). But the bottom line is I have to keep on keeping on through all this and I don't have the luxury of having all this wonderful hearts and rainbows downtime which was so good for other people's mental health. I didn't have the luxury of saying I physically can't cope with my insane hours, my child's schooling and all the other shit I had to deal with because I would have lost my job.

And when those people then take to social media to go on about how much they have enjoyed not having to participate in "normal life" - an option which was not available to me -- it did really sting. And I felt there was a bit of a sensitivity chip missing for some of those people.

And when those people then take to social media to go on about how much they have enjoyed not having to participate in "normal life" - an option which was not available to me -- it did really sting. And I felt there was a bit of a sensitivity chip missing for some of those people

Then surely, as a result of this, you can now understand a bit better why seeing and hearing people going on and on about how wonderful their 'normal' lives during 'normal' times are, is sometimes difficult to listen to for people who don't conform to 'normality' and don't enjoy 'normal' times?

As I've said, nobody's individual experience is rendered illegitimate by anyone elses, but simultaneously there's no requirement for everyone to experience everything in exactly the same way in order for it to be valid.

It’s fairly self absorbed to say how much you enjoyed lock down when over 40000 people died

I am angry and bitter, yes. I freely admit that. I'm really angry that I was left to "home school" my child with absolutely zero support for months on end and that my employer basically exploited me for this purpose and wrung every pound out of me.

And you have every right to be angry, but you're taking your anger out on the wrong people.

@FreidaMind

It’s fairly self absorbed to say how much you enjoyed lock down when over 40000 people died

That number of people (and more) die of flu every winter, so I hope you never say anything about how much you're enjoying your Christmas.

But we had a lockdown because of covid and No one really knew how many would die. In any event over 40000 did (I’d just keep it to myself how much I enjoyed it, that’s all.)

Whilst I didn’t enjoy lockdown, I have made some positive changes which I don’t think I would have made otherwise. I stopped drinking, lost over two stone and started running. My working life didn’t change much as I have always worked from home, but it has been a very busy time. Having the children and DH at home has also been quite difficult.

I imagine a lot of people have been very badly affected, with job worries and not having the facilities to be outside during lockdown. I have a garden and live near a beach so have had it easy compared to most.

“ Our survival depends on the kind of normal, ratracy, extrovert, hustling life......and we have to keep hustling”.

What do you mean? That you’re a key worker on the frontline? That you work freelance, self employed or in a job that requires you to physically attend specific places? And/or to proactively ‘network’ to seek business to make your income?

If any of those, agree that your situation is challenging, relative to those of us with (for now!) jobs our employer says can be done from home. As a PP says, people’s circumstances are very different.

I haven’t spent any time in the garden making rainbows, I wish! I am doing a high stress long hours keyworker public sector role from home. And appreciate I am lucky that I can.
But I have appreciated being able to get more sleep, make my own lunch and walk my dog for an hour in the evening rather than do a 1.30 commute each way on top of that job. That has helped my MH.

Someone else said it, we are all in very different conditions.

Noone is judging those who are finding it hard, I don’t know where that idea comes from. We are all sharing our individual experiences. Perhaps people who have not experienced MH issues until now are projecting their own self-judgment. I say, we all find things hard, no shame in that, it is a normal reaction to difficulties!... but they aren’t always the same things and noone should be judged by whether they find Lockdown harder or easier. The really important thing is how we handle our challenges when they arise. Still working on mine, and I wish everyone well with theirs.

@SnuggyBuggy

I just don't get the comparisons with world war 2 and the Blitz. They aren't similar.

Does it matter if that makes people more positive?

It’s fairly self absorbed to say how much you enjoyed lock down when over 40000 people died

Complete and utter tripe.

Whether or not anyone personally enjoyed lockdown has no bearing whatsoever on how many people died. None. Nothing.

The two issues have no relation to each other, so to imply that someone finding lockdown agreeable equates to them either not caring or dismissing the deaths of 40,000 people is laughably specious, and frankly, it's more than a bit offensive.

Lockdown itself did not cause, and was not responsible for deaths due to Covid. You may as well claim that people who prefer normality are self-absorbed because people die of influenza as a matter of course.

No, my point is that it’s quite crass. Lockdown, mass unemployment, death, education lost and never to be regained and people Honestly thought it was in anyway appropriate to plaster all over social media “how much they loved lockdown”. Sometimes things are best left unsaid.

Being crass would involve indifference to those things.

It's perfectly possible to acknowledge the devastating effects of the Covid pandemic, and still concede that you prefer life under lockdown conditions.

As for 'plastering it all over social media', then yes, I'd agree that's someone tactless, but you can't assume that people in here who are admitting to preferring lockdown were also guilty of that. Some of us don't do social media either, for much the same reasons that we shy away from social gatherings or interaction with other people.

somewhat*