AIBU in thinking that most people’s mental health has deteriorated in 2020

[Mistlewoeandwhine]

Just that really. Everything is harder and shittier and I’m finding it hard to feel positive. I don’t want to ask for help in RL as everyone I know is in a similar position.
YABU - I feel fine
YANBU - I feel shitty too

YANBU. WFH through lockdown and beyond with massive workload, two primary aged kids at home until very recently, husband no help because he died of cancer three years ago.

I was already bloody lonely and struggling with hopelessness about the future. I’m now only just hanging on. If it wasn’t for my DC I’d have thrown the towel in, and half the time I dearly wish I could.

Frankly I think Brexit has damaged my mental health more.

I’ve been coping
Thanks sertraline !
I ran out and had 4 days off and had such a wobble

Hi OP,

I hope you're okay.

I think a lot of people have struggled this year. I'm not sure whether the majority of people have or not but lots have!

I personally quite liked lockdown because I have agoraphobia so it was nice to have everyone else in the same situation and for everything to suddenly be online (e.g. classes and groups). I've also struggled massively with my MH for years so to suddenly have lots of people relating to that has sort of helped (I'm not pleased that more people have MH issues; just relieved that more people can relate!).

A lot of people will struggle with MH issues as a result of Covid but we might also learn some new ways to be resilient.

@tunnocksreturns2019, I'm so sorry for your loss and that everything has made your feelings of grief and hopelessness worse after such a huge loss.

Lockdown itself - no issue for me - I already worked from home, and while I missed going out etc it was ok.
At the very start - I was quite touched by little things - saying “hello” to people while our on the “daily walk”, seeing my neighbours for the NHS clap etc.

However the polarisation of people as lockdown started to life has absolutely depressed me. The covid conspiracy theorists shouting that we are all sheeple for wearing masks. The SD nazis who basically think you should be charged with murder if you accidentally get within 1.9m of another.

Then throw in the utter confusion and uncertainty. While the experience has been different for everyone - the whole globe going through this at the same time is making for a very uncomfortable world right now.

Things have been good for me on the whole but I don't think you're being unreasonable to feel the way you do because I know it's affected so may people so badly.

I've been fortunate and able to work from home and had a horrible commute before so I'm getting so much time back in the day. Sleeping more has meant no more constant headaches. More time and a proper kitchen has meant healthier, home cooked meals. Good sleep and good food has really positively affected my physical and mental health. I also got married and got pregnant because we didn't want to put life off.

I hope that some of these positives remain after this is over and employers do recognise that working from home can work well but yes I hope this does end soon because my heart breaks for those suffering and I'm not blind to that just because it's affected me so positively.

I had been on sick leave and returned to work before Christmas. I work in a school.

We then closed to Covid , in March but I went in on a rota basis.

Back to work full time at the beginning of September and I'm finding it hard. So much time off and being at home has made me wary of the outside world.
I don't like going out alone anymore and I'd never have thought that I'd feel like this.

Even walking the dog stresses me now.

I wish we could go back to normal.
But hey! I've started to crochet and my garden is the best it's ever been . My cooking skills have improved too!

I'm so glad to finally have a structure back to my life now the DCs are back at school.
I'm a SAHM because DS1 has SNs and doesn't cope with wraparound care. I filled the gap of my working life with voluntary roles and a couple of activities around the DC's routines, and lockdown stripped my purpose away to basically servicing the kitchen table for food and pathetic attempts at home learning.

I'm grateful that DH remained secure WFH compared to alternatives (especially when a major local.employer is shedding thousands of good quality posts and I know two people affected)

DS could be damaged longer term by this, not so much by struggling with home learning but by interfering with EHCP applications and being able to go to secondary open days. We may well be in the position of making an ill-informed choice of secondary school and not having appropriate support to make transition sucessful.

It was horrid being isolated for so many months. I reached the sobbing stage in June when it became apparent that my DCs weren't going back to school before September and it just hadn't been viable to have meaningful social contact for 3 months.

July got better briefly as more options opened up until the face rags ruined things. I clearly have issues in that department that are a complicated blend of sensory overwhelm, hyperventilating and loss of lip reading. I try to avoid places where they are required, yet getting out of the house is healthy too.

Most people I know have found it shit either through isolation or being over worked with a generous dose of parental guilt (I get it, I remember it well from my working days)
I've been grateful for the stability that being a SAHM has given my DCs, yet utterly stiffled and trapped with it too.

My kids do not do craft or baking. I accepted that long ago, but I did have to hide a lot of that early on as it was rubbing DS's needs in a bit, and he just wants to Minecraft 24/7. It was just better removing myself from something that stung. Not a single rainbow was coloured in here!

My mental health is the worst it’s been since I had PND two years ago. My psychologist has told me that everyone she sees (via Zoom of course) is really struggling this year. Lots of people she thought would have been ready for discharge have gone significantly downhill. Me included. I want my life back.

As someone who was edging towards a nervous breakdown At the start of the year, to the stage I needed counselling, early lockdown almost pushed me over the edge for a variety of catastrophic reasons.

But since mid May things have settled and I would say my mental health is in a Pretty good state. I have enjoyed the brakes being put on our frantic life; my hubby being home every night; longer, better sleep; new less stressful job; time with the kids, even if it was juggling work and home working. I’ve managed to get things done like a boiler service, repairs, got the garden looking nice.

So it is hard to admit considering what I went through at the start, but my mental health is better.

I know lots of people finding things very difficult. I have liked everyone being home more and for us it’s been less stressful in many ways. But I do worry about my kids futures. The effects of the restrictions on their education, friendships etc. Everything feels that bit harder even though I know we’ve had it easier than most, in that we are financially secure, have a nice house with garden etc. But then I feel bad for others who are not as fortunate and are struggling.

I have found chatting to people has helped, even though we often share worries. There’s some reassurance for me in knowing it’s common to feel like I do. Could you try talking to people IRL OP. I know you said you don’t want to as others are in a similar position but maybe it would help just to talk. I’ve found people are relieved to just say out loud how difficult things are.

Things will get better. ❤️

I think most people's mental health is fine. Some have things harder than others but the majority of folk I see or know have founds ways to get through it without much emotional distress (obviously not anyone who actually lost a loved one).

YABU - I feel fine

I feel fine but I don't think you are unreasonable. I'm quite resilient having gone through much worse in the past. This is easy for me. But I can understand that for other people who might have had more normal lives it might be a difficult time.

I've got no worries at the moment really and the last couple of months have been hard, I just want a slice of proper normality.
I've been through much worse personally, but we are all going through this and no end in sight.

I really feel for the millions of people who have lost someone close to them, poss lost their job/income and might lose their home in future.

It's really tough for some people, it's not all bloody rainbows and lockdown puppies!

I was furloughed and have now been made redundant. However, I feel that lockdown was a very good time to actually reflect on what was important in life and what was not. Yes, I'm now not working but I am still here and the world will not cave in if I can't get my roots retouched!

Never been happier
But I've spent decades actively working on my mental health and earning money in a v stressful job.

It's the first time in my life I've had a decent rest. Love it.

The only period in my life where my mental health would have been improved by lockdown was when I was about 13 and bullied at school. That just says more about my school than my resilience.

I agree we are pack animals and it is abnormal to be unable to go and be with a loved one who is suffering and needs you. It's abnormal to have to socially distance and not hold someone's hand or give them a hug when needed.

Mine improved over lock down.

Slower pace of life, no time restrictions, no pressure of having to go out or meet people.

I kept thinking of my nan who got bombed in the blitz and my granfather who was in a japenese prisoner of war camp...that put it in perspective.

Life is what you make it. Lots of people made the best of their time in lockdown. Others moaned and are now miserable.
How patronising.
I'm sure you would be miserable if you were worried about losing your job, or had to work from home while attempting to homeschool 3 young children, or had to look after a child with SN by yourself with no respite, or had a relative die and weren't able to be by their side or attend their funeral, or had a serious illness which wasnt being treated properly leaving you in pain.
Incidentally some people were dealing with all of the above during lockdown. Maybe they should have relaxed and enjoyed the family time rather than moaning.

@malificent7

I kept thinking of my nan who got bombed in the blitz and my granfather who was in a japenese prisoner of war camp...that put it in perspective.

Just because other people have had it worse than you, doesn't mean it wasnt bad.

If someone's mum died would you tell them to stop being upset because someone else had lost both parents?

I had family members who lived in London during the Blitz as well. They experienced hardship and witnessed some very disturbing things. They weren't forbidden from seeking out human comfort to help themselves cope with it like a lot of people were during lockdown.

I have to say one of the things which affected my mental state worst was endless updates from people lucky enough not to have to work about how much they were enjoying the time with their children. I know it wasn’t intended as such but reading about people’s endless crafting exploits and love of their gardens felt like a big slap in the face.

This, with bells on...

I was sobbing on my way to work on a covid ward, terrified I would bring it home, dealing with utter chaos in work. Dh was working full time from home with no let up at all, kids were basically neglected and left to watch TV all day. Getting "helpful" messages from people about crafts to do with your kids in lockdown made me weep with frustration and guilt...

Its been fucking unrelenting shit here, and we are both on the edge of total breakdown...

I don't know. It did for a while at the beginning of lockdown. I started drinking more, to ease anxiety and boredom, developed insomnia, mental health took a nosedive from not being able to keep up fitness/sport and I found the homeschooling extremely challenging. However it gave me time to reflect, make changes etc. I started walking, yoga, changed my diet, taking vitamins and making time to eat better, cleaned up my sleep routine and, honestly, I've never felt physically or mentally healthier than I do right now. I am concerned about nosediving again if there's another lockdown though.