AIBU in thinking that most people’s mental health has deteriorated in 2020

[Mistlewoeandwhine]

Just that really. Everything is harder and shittier and I’m finding it hard to feel positive. I don’t want to ask for help in RL as everyone I know is in a similar position.
YABU - I feel fine
YANBU - I feel shitty too

@SnuggyBuggy

I had family members who lived in London during the Blitz as well. They experienced hardship and witnessed some very disturbing things. They weren't forbidden from seeking out human comfort to help themselves cope with it like a lot of people were during lockdown.

Personally I would much rather be in the position of not being able to seek out human comfort to experiencing hardship or witnessing some very disturbing things.

I’ve had crippling anxiety for years and lockdown has enabled me to make some important changes and my anxiety has been gone the past couple of months it’s been amazing I hope my anxiety is fineally 100% under control. I’ve used lockdown as a reset.

Covid has been quite a positive thing for us. My husband was largely unaffected, he continued work as normal. I was furloughed and that 20% drop in pay would usually be crippling, we live payday to payday, but the fact we had no childcare fees and I had no commuting costs, meant we could actually use that money to get some bits in the house done, and clear the credit card.

I was shielding (officially, letter received in March) but have a toddler so we did go out to deserted places for walks and stuff as we don't have a garden. This was time spent with my son that I'll never get again, as me not working is never going to be an option.

Post lockdown, a volunteer role led to me being offered a new job, with progression potential and family friendly hours that I didn't have before, and a salary I never imagined I'd be earning.

That said, I appreciate that it's been incredibly tough for the majority, for a variety of reasons. I work in mental health and demand on our service has increased ten fold. Fortunately, we're in the position to be able to help the vast majority of people who access our services though.

We've noticed reduced suicides though the picture in the medium to longer-term is up for debate across the general population. Anecdotally, for those saying MH has deteriorated, I'm seeing broadly equal saying MH has improved with more time with families, reduced commute and suchlike.

I'm seeing signs of PTSD and increased reports amongst the HCPs on the front line. Unimpressed with the government and the populace's inability to get on top of COVID in the UK and it looks like HCPs will get re-thrown under the bus as COVID ramps up, much like HCPs were in phase 1 with no/expired PPE and the rest.

Personally I would much rather be in the position of not being able to seek out human comfort to experiencing hardship or witnessing some very disturbing things.

I've not experienced financial hardship during this, but have experienced some horrible things at work in the hospital. We had a family member pass away over lockdown (not due to covid) and couldn't see or hug our other family members or have a funeral. They were in a care home and went from having someone from the family visit every day to nothing over night, they had dementia and didn't understand why no one was coming.

Not being able to have human comfort was one of the worst parts of all this for me, it felt unnatural. Not being able to physically console patients relatives, hug colleagues when they were upset, see my family and friends, and then coming home to my partner and being terrified to touch him or be in the same room as him in case I infected him. It was a feeling I've never had before. I still haven't hugged anyone other than my partner since March, I really miss giving my dad a hug. I don't because it's not worth the risk of me infecting him, but it's still hard.

Strangely, I've found that the anxiety and panic attacks I usually suffer from have been less frequent recently - I think because I have had something real and specific to worry about?

My mental health was OK during the first few weeks of lockdown, the rules were clear and I was able to get into a routine and there was certainty about the restrictions. I was extremely fortunate not to have to work and my children are educated from home anyway and whilst we lost some income (20%) to pay cut we were able to sustain that without too much hardship.

Now I am really struggling with the uncertainty and half freedoms that we have obtained that could be taken away at any time. I'm an introvert but that doesn't make a difference to how I feel about the fact that my movement might be again restricted and we don't know how our body might respond if we catch the virus or what a second wave might look like.

I am lucky that I haven't lost a loved one yet...

I think that if this uncertainty is a breeze for you you must be extremely resilient.

@AlrightTreacle

Personally I would much rather be in the position of not being able to seek out human comfort to experiencing hardship or witnessing some very disturbing things.

I've not experienced financial hardship during this, but have experienced some horrible things at work in the hospital. We had a family member pass away over lockdown (not due to covid) and couldn't see or hug our other family members or have a funeral. They were in a care home and went from having someone from the family visit every day to nothing over night, they had dementia and didn't understand why no one was coming.

Not being able to have human comfort was one of the worst parts of all this for me, it felt unnatural. Not being able to physically console patients relatives, hug colleagues when they were upset, see my family and friends, and then coming home to my partner and being terrified to touch him or be in the same room as him in case I infected him. It was a feeling I've never had before. I still haven't hugged anyone other than my partner since March, I really miss giving my dad a hug. I don't because it's not worth the risk of me infecting him, but it's still hard.

Your point isn't really relevant as you did experience/witness horrible things as well as rather than instead of not being able to seek human comfort. If you hadn't had to experience horrible things you may not have needed human comfort. Even if you did, that doesn't mean it would be the same for most people.

@Belladonna12

Even if you did, that doesn't mean it would be the same for most people.

I didn't say that it would be the same for most people. Though I don't think you can understand unless you've been in a similar position.

I think my point was relevant as you made it sound like it was a choice between the three.

YANBU. Lockdown has definitely worsened my mental health. I'm constantly anxious about the smallest things and catastrophising more than ever.

I really struggled with home schooling and working from home. I think I could cope with another lockdown, but not with home schooling again.

I can totally understand how people who were in the relatively privileged position of being able to enjoy more time with their families and more leisure time can have enjoyed lockdown. And Lord knows I don't blame them for this.

What I do find unpleasant it this slightly puritanical tone which crept into some of the commentary and SM posts which went something like this; "lockdown has given us an unprecedented opportunity to reconnect with our values, what's really important in our lives: our families/our health/quality outdoor time etc."

That whole narrative really upset me for several reasons. This is just my personal take, obviously, but I don't think I was alone in this:

1. It implied that those of us who were still working (like nutters) didn't have "values"
2. It implied that those of us still working hadn't organised our lives correctly and thus were reaping the rewards of our general rat race greed and inability to plan properly
3. There was a slightly smug "me and my family are doing fine thanks" element to it which essentially relied on a perfect family unit pulling together -- hard to hear for a single parent with a single source of income
4. This whole thing about it being an introvert's paradise I found quite hard to stomach. I can understand it being nice to have an excuse not to have to sign up for every social gathering etc but there was something slightly spiteful about it -- as if people who enjoy other people's company are shallow and lack resourcefulness

I might be projecting some of this -- I still feel pretty bitter and upset and am very scared its going to happen again.

But the whole thing did seem to bring a lot of smugness and sanctimoniousness out in certain people.

The whole-this-is-nothing-compared-with-the-Blitzh)-so-stop-whining thing is a bit wobbly given that more people have now died of coronavirus than did during the Blitz (and more again from other causes untreated). Yes, it was of course hideous and I still wouldn't swap, but please don't act like having family members die, businesses go under, cancer treatments halted and being unable to hug your mum throughout is not also pretty horrendous for many people.

I love to hear that some people are able to see and / or experience the good side of lockdown - but some seem to totally lack empathy about how hard it's been for others.

I've never even thought much about my mental health until recently. I've always assumed that I had no problems dealing with stuff.

That all changed a few weeks ago when a combination of a new job and a serious family illness made me physically ill and I was signed off work by my GP for 2 weeks. Its made me look at things differently, and though I am now back to work and feeling better I wont underestimate it again. I think the lockdown situation just pushed me over the edge

I should add to that also being a single parent and having to work even more than usual during lockdown and having to home school at the same time

I'm bored with covid and would like things to go back to normal, but I voted YABU because I wouldn't go so far as to say my mental health has been affected.

What was preventing you caring for yourself before that needed you to be forced into it?

Work and children hobbies.

Pre-covid I was waking at 6am to get children where they needed to be and be at work by 8am. I wasn't getting home with the children until 6pm so a short window to spend time with them before bedtime. Then I'd get to relax and eat something, hardly time to make room for exercise! Weekends were all about swimming/football/judo/cricket for the children.

Now I'm waking at 6am, exercising for an hour then getting children sorted and logged on for 8am. The girls come straight home from school instead of to MILs so they're around far more than before.

Working from home and no school meant that instead of spending 10 hours a day away from my children they were at home with me. We still all had things to do, but all in the home together which was sometimes suffocating but overall a really nice experience.

The children's sport clubs being closed down also helped with this. We're starting to see some activities start back up so the grind towards normal is ramping up. Hopefully WFH can continue long term and I keep my job because not having to commute will mean at least some of the positives from lockdown will continue for our family.

Just in case anyone is wondering where DH fits in all the rushing around I did/do, he works late shifts so while I do the children running around he keeps on top of the housework.

Everyone I know is split roughly into two groups:

Those without kids (young and childfree or retired with grown kids) or those with children (generally young kids as I am early thirties)

Those with no children have generally been fine.

Those with children are teetering on the brink of complete MH breakdown. I myself have had CBT and struggle to cope with two small kids and the crushing anxiety and worry every day.

Not saying it’s just those factors but that’s what I’ve seen in my own experience.

My mental heath hasn’t been negatively affected. I’ve found a lot of positives in working from home, having more time to cook, exercise & do hobbies.

It’s obviously not an ideal situation, but it will end, so I’m trying to focus on what I can do and make the most of things.

I've had problems with my mental health for years (I get top rate PIP for it) but actually I've been much better this year. Partly due to resilience learned from years of therapy, and partly due to feeling less like an outsider in society - many more people have to deal with the things I've been dealing with for years.

I've been used to isolation and managing on a low income, and haven't been able to work for years due to health issues so not had to struggle with wfh. Introvert here and no friends so not missed any social activities. I have a toddler but fortunately not old enough to need to home school her and she's been happy with the activities open to her (parks and now more things like museums).

@blue25

My mental heath hasn’t been negatively affected. I’ve found a lot of positives in working from home, having more time to cook, exercise & do hobbies.

It’s obviously not an ideal situation, but it will end, so I’m trying to focus on what I can do and make the most of things.

Great for you. But can you not see how for people who have been run ragged, hanging on by the skin of their teeth to hold onto those jobs working 12+ hour days and trying and failing to educate children at the same time without any childcare, "making the most of things" hasn't really been an option?

God forbid for people who have lost their jobs, people working in the NHS on COVID wards, people working in supermarkets etc.

I've had no time whatsoever to cook, exercise or do hobbies. I'm lucky if I get time to make a sandwich most days.

Again, I don't hold it against those of you for the fact that its worked out well. Good for you. I could just do without the whole "why aren't you focusing on the positive" stuff.

@thepeopleversuswork Yes good for me. I was answering the OPs question. I wasn’t stating what other people should or shouldn’t be feeling. Bizarre response.

Again, I don't hold it against those of you for the fact that its worked out well. Good for you. I could just do without the whole "why aren't you focusing on the positive" stuff.

Lots of people haven't actually said that, though. They've just answered OP's question.

Lots of people who have struggled seem to be very keen to jump all over anyone who dares say otherwise. It's not really necessary. I get it feels massively unfair, but attacking other people won't change your situation at all.

To clarify, as one of the people who has found my MH improved during lockdown, I have my own reasons for this. Having struggled with MH for years and just about hanging on but by my fingertips, lockdown lifted a lot of that for me by reducing obligations and reducing my need to do the executive functions things that are a daily struggle. I have just been dx’d with adhd because a variety of things in lockdown suggested I had it - not least because the blissful let up of obligations caused such a feeling of relief that I could function much more according to my needs. The people who think those of us not struggling In lockdown are being smug might want to have compassion and factor in that some of us actually find the ‘normal life’ you so miss really hard.

I just don't get the comparisons with world war 2 and the Blitz. They aren't similar.

The people who think those of us not struggling In lockdown are being smug might want to have compassion and factor in that some of us actually find the ‘normal life’ you so miss really hard.

Yes, this. A million times over.