To s***t in the garden

[shhhFFS]

Humorous post. Dp has irritable bowels. It’s our anniversary tomorrow and we are going out for a meal first since lockdown so I decided to have a pamper night with my eldest. Also to have a bath first and to shave areas that haven’t seen the light of day. Also I have very much been running the ship and a peaceful night was well on the cards, largely due to DP putting his back out at work. Basically I needed this before I lose my s**t and he knows that

Whilst I was in the bath DPs tummy started acting up. Instead of disturbing my bath he decided to shit in the garden instead of either A. Coming into the bathroom and s*ing whilst I was in there and this ruining my peaceful bath or B. Demanding I get out the bath ASAP so he could s*t, either way peaceful bath ruined. He’s embarrassed and has cleaned it up.

I don’t have an AIBU because the man I love chose to shit in the garden rather than disturb my peaceful bath time.

So basically despite the dirty deed I feel this is true love and I’m glad I will be marrying this man one day from tomorrow!

Shitting in the garden is so low class.

I shit in my hands and clap. So much more fun!

Mind you, I've never seen the appeal of long baths either (I try it every once in a while and find I'm not so much "relaxed" as "bored off my arse").

Same. I'm bored after five minutes.

Good God. I would much prefer to get out of the bath than for that to happen
Yes! Given how horrible and painful IBS is, surely DH's need for a shit is much more important than the need for a relaxing bath?

Why would he tell you this?

@Moo678

We have 3 toilet - my children make a point of trying to find which one I’m occupying so they can poop there! I think it was very sweet of your husband.

Lock the door

Sorry if this has already been mentioned, but if the term "shit" offends you so much you have the censor it, why not just say poo?

Maybe he'll piss in your handbag as a next anniversary treat?

It's possible. My mate's husband pissed in the wardrobe on their wedding night. Most romantic night of her life, she says.

MissMoogle

That was funny. Cheers:)

Same. I'm bored after five minutes

Agree. Reclining a a bathful of cooling water doesn't float my boat either.

"Why would he tell you this?"

In the hope that Op reassures him that interrupting her bath would have been the preferred option & to do that in future?

Love the fact the OP has written that it's a humorous post when it isn't funny at all.

Ffs I was eating Shepard’s pie when I read that.

@OLGADEEPOLGA

Love the fact the OP has written that it's a humorous post when it isn't funny at all.

Yes, I always find it unintentionally amusing when an op insists that putting "lighthearted" in the thread title makes any old guff instantly hilarious.

Yabvu to buy /rent a house with only one toilet or no option to install a other one particularly when one of you has lBS. If we'd only had one toilet all these years ld have divorced long ago, the long ritualistic visits he pays.
At very least could he not have used a bucket /potty of some sort with a lid and kept it to himself to flush away / clean out when you were finished. Just gross.

divorced my DH obv.

This is really horrible. Human pooh is particularly noxious - it’s not like horse pooh. I hope he did a really really good job of clearing up as this is a proper public health issue if not.

To tell the truth this would put me off him, and I can’t understand why he felt the need to tell you.

The WHO recommends shitting in an empty pizza box when caught short in the garden FACT

From where the OP is standing, it would appear this thread has gone to shit.

If he has irritable bowels does that also mean it is runny/loose.

In any event him telling her isn't loving/her telling MN isn't humorous as the OP thinks it is. It is a bit strange that there is a need to pass this information on and wonders quite what response the OP expected... well done, pat on the back that man/did he poop and scoop or use a bag or even a box.

Surely if he has 'problems' that means he cannot hold on then perhaps a commode or a potty or something for another time? It the height of true love means shitting in the garden so you can bath then great you are marrying the perfect partner

The WHO recommends shitting in an empty pizza box when caught short in the garden FACT

Delivery takes too long here. Quicker to wait for the bathroom to be vacated.

On our local dog walk, up a lane -Hubby went to pick up what looked like a bigger poo than what our dog does normally!!!
He soon stopped when he realised it was a human shit with discarded loo roll close by...
Weeks later and we are still trying to figure it out-maybe the OP partner has been round our way!!!!

They actually brought loo roll with them?? A planned al fresco shit...

Some people are just fucking animals.

source please for the WHO advice

If you pooed in soil and them covered it up, would it disappear? How long would this take? And would it leave a smell in the interim????