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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To s***t in the garden

279 replies

shhhFFS · 01/08/2020 22:36

Humorous post. Dp has irritable bowels. It’s our anniversary tomorrow and we are going out for a meal first since lockdown so I decided to have a pamper night with my eldest. Also to have a bath first and to shave areas that haven’t seen the light of day. Also I have very much been running the ship and a peaceful night was well on the cards, largely due to DP putting his back out at work. Basically I needed this before I lose my s**t and he knows that

Whilst I was in the bath DPs tummy started acting up. Instead of disturbing my bath he decided to shit in the garden instead of either A. Coming into the bathroom and s*ing whilst I was in there and this ruining my peaceful bath or B. Demanding I get out the bath ASAP so he could s*t, either way peaceful bath ruined. He’s embarrassed and has cleaned it up.

I don’t have an AIBU because the man I love chose to shit in the garden rather than disturb my peaceful bath time.

So basically despite the dirty deed I feel this is true love and I’m glad I will be marrying this man one day from tomorrow!

OP posts:
Spannwr1971 · 02/08/2020 08:57

Jesus didn't have a toilet.

Eyesofdisarray · 02/08/2020 09:14

No poo near my clematis thanks! Shock
The only poo in my garden belongs to my dog.
(yes i dispose of it)

thethoughtfox · 02/08/2020 09:23

That is love.

SomewhereInbetween1 · 02/08/2020 09:26

Wait what? I cannot believe all the posters who think this is sweet. The poor bloke had every right to interrupt your bath and definitely should have done.

Marble2302 · 02/08/2020 09:26

That is fucking disgusting. What a dirty bastard 🤮

pinksoda35 · 02/08/2020 09:33

I have IBS and when the need strikes it is not pleasant!
There is no way in hell I would go outside and squat in the garden simply because I did not want to disturb my partner who was in the bath..
At least the poor bugger cleaned up! but really- he should not have had to.
I am in the camp of those who do not find anything sweet or thoughtful about this..I feel sorry for your OH actually that he would even consider this and not just go and tell you to get the heck out of your bath-relaxing or not

LakieLady · 02/08/2020 09:34

@speakout, are you married to a kitten?

I had a cat who, in his kittenhood, pissed in my handbag no fewer than 3 times.

I hung it up in the hall after the 3rd time, but often wondered if it was some veiled criticism of my handbag being full of crap. He grew up to be a very smart cat.

DDiva · 02/08/2020 09:34

We only had/have one bathroom and toilet. This is why it is now a separate bathroom and toilet.

FlamingoAndJohn · 02/08/2020 09:45

What upsets me the most about this story is not writing the word shit.

What is the point in being all coy and writing sht, fck and c*nt when people just read them as shit, fuck and cunt?

FiveToFour · 02/08/2020 09:47

How long have you been together? From experience if your DH ( and he does serm to be a DH!Grin) has IBS your live will be affected by his bowels many,many times.If the worst you have to adjust to is him going to the loo while you are in the bath,you are doing ok.
DH is much more in control of his IBS than he used to be but life is still punctuated by cries of "where's Daddy?? " "he's in the loo!"

Arrivederla · 02/08/2020 09:49

@LaMarschallin

so I decided to have a pamper night with my eldest

Maybe DP could have had a Pampers night?

I love this!
Arrivederla · 02/08/2020 09:51

@VelveteenBunni

Sorry but no, thats not sweet or endearing at all, its utterly vile.

Baths get interrupted in this house, perils of 1 bathroom,would never dream of dropping logs in the garden!!

This.

It's not sweet, it's utterly disgusting.

ArthurMorgan · 02/08/2020 09:53

Anyone else wondering who or how this was cleaned up?

ClickandForget · 02/08/2020 10:00

My OH sometimes urinates in my handbag as a loving gesture.
We both think it's sweet

This thread is making me quite sad. In 30 years of marriage my husband has neither shat in the garden nor pissed in my handbag and now I'm beginning to think he never will. I just have to continue knowing there's something missing from our relationship.

ThighthighOfthigh · 02/08/2020 10:01

There's nothing to clear up if you shit into a bag and put the toilet roll in the bag too. Just resourceful.

pinkbalconyrailing · 02/08/2020 10:04

it's a bit grim, but if you only have one toilet that was a good solution to the problem.

tbh I would look at getting a second toilet installed pronto, even a composting camping toilet in the garden might do the job.

ClickandForget · 02/08/2020 10:07

speakout

I know you weren't being serious btw

GisAFag · 02/08/2020 10:09

So he felt he could not disturb you for 5 mins so he could go to the toilet. Disturbing

brastrapbroken · 02/08/2020 10:16

I'm a bit unsure why you are gushing with love about it OP, if my DH had a medical condition and chose to shit in the garden so as not to disturb my annual fanny shave I would be embarrassed. For me, not him.

MactheRover · 02/08/2020 10:27

A lot of pearl clutching going on about a little ole shit. He loves you.

brastrapbroken · 02/08/2020 10:58

Pearl clutching? How exactly?

ClementineWoolysocks · 02/08/2020 11:03

I like to shit on garden shrubs
while people languish in the tub
I poo on grass
then cleanse my ass
With baby wipes I rub

TwentyViginti · 02/08/2020 11:07

@ClickandForget

*My OH sometimes urinates in my handbag as a loving gesture. We both think it's sweet*

This thread is making me quite sad. In 30 years of marriage my husband has neither shat in the garden nor pissed in my handbag and now I'm beginning to think he never will. I just have to continue knowing there's something missing from our relationship.

Is it something you could discuss? Maybe he'll piss in your handbag as a next anniversary treat?
Twiningalldaylong · 02/08/2020 11:13

Good God. I would much prefer to get out of the bath than for that to happen Shock

MeanWeedratStew · 02/08/2020 11:26

I can almost understand why he did it, but who tells their partner that? Nobody who wants their partner to find them sexy, that's for sure.

This thread has made me so grateful that separate loos are the standard in my corner of the world. Mind you, I've never seen the appeal of long baths either (I try it every once in a while and find I'm not so much "relaxed" as "bored off my arse").