To s***t in the garden

[shhhFFS]

Humorous post. Dp has irritable bowels. It’s our anniversary tomorrow and we are going out for a meal first since lockdown so I decided to have a pamper night with my eldest. Also to have a bath first and to shave areas that haven’t seen the light of day. Also I have very much been running the ship and a peaceful night was well on the cards, largely due to DP putting his back out at work. Basically I needed this before I lose my s**t and he knows that

Whilst I was in the bath DPs tummy started acting up. Instead of disturbing my bath he decided to shit in the garden instead of either A. Coming into the bathroom and s*ing whilst I was in there and this ruining my peaceful bath or B. Demanding I get out the bath ASAP so he could s*t, either way peaceful bath ruined. He’s embarrassed and has cleaned it up.

I don’t have an AIBU because the man I love chose to shit in the garden rather than disturb my peaceful bath time.

So basically despite the dirty deed I feel this is true love and I’m glad I will be marrying this man one day from tomorrow!

That is disgusting. I suffer from IBS and quite often have to run to the toilet even if DH is in the shower.

I would never ever go in the garden.

Eww @MeanWeedratStew who bases their partners ‘sexiness’ on anything to do with their shit 🤣🤣

If you're taking a very long walk in the woods it's only wise, and polite, to carry your own toilet roll.

I think it is beyond gross, he has a medical condition which trumps your need for a relaxing bath quite literally.

Just plain weird.
He's spending too much time watching the cats in your garden I think.

This is absolutely rank and I’d be quite disgusted if my DH did this. I also think you are a bit weird for thinking this is a lovely thing to do?.....

If this is a romantic gesture, I'd hate to imagine what he'd stoop to if you pissed him off.

At least he didn't wipe his arse on your dressing gown!

Is he an alsation?
If not just thank fuck you aren't my neighbours.

My bad, I thought this was funny, it summed up me and my DP, I still think it’s funny

I think it's funny OP. But not as funny as some of the replies

whats wrong with shitting in the garden...?

I expect he's glad you've chosen to share this. Any more unnecessary details you feel the need to expand on?

OP I'm with your DH. It can be so urgent you can't even wait for someone to get out of the bath. Another one looking for a second loo.

He’s marked his territory; the local cats will keep away. For that reason I’m jealous and considering sending DH out to do the same.

That is the grossest and most adorable thing I've ever heard.

It's been a year. What the hell di you search @crosstalk to find this 😂

Just imagine being a neighbour and casually looking out of the window peeling the spuds and seeing a grown man laying a fat cable in the garden 😂😂

Doesn't give a shit does he! 😅

@Bookridden

If you pooed in soil and them covered it up, would it disappear? How long would this take? And would it leave a smell in the interim????

No, it wouldn’t smell. Google earth closets. The bacteria etc in soil are ready and waiting to start breaking it down. At one time the earth closet and the water closet were neck and neck, like VHS and Betamax, and it’s arguable that the wrong one won.

@BacklashStarts POOH made me laugh out loud!!

@ThighthighOfthigh

If you're taking a very long walk in the woods it's only wise, and polite, to carry your own toilet roll.

Only if you’re prepared to bring it home with you.

Jesus didn't have a toilet

No, but he at least had a donkey to blame the pile in the corner on.

You're both adorable

May have already been suggested (there's 10 pages now) but could you get him a large litter tray for subsequent such 'episodes'?

Why all the old zombie thread revivals recently?

Shitty Zombie thread. Literally a SHITTY ZOMBIE THREAD.