To think most women don't/can't "get there" with men?

[JSD1987]

I'm early thirties, more or less straight and I have had 8 Mmale sexual partners. I have never had an orgasm with a man, despite enjoying foreplay, sex and oral very much. I would say that only 3 of these partners were what I would consider to be good in bed. I can easily cum on my own, in both ways - just not with a man.

I was under the impression this was completely normal and that most women don't orgasm with someone else but a friend of mine and I got talking about this and she was completely aghast and basically implied there is something weird/wrong with me and I need to get therapy.

Genuinely interested to know people's thoughts/ experiences?

I orgasm 99% of the time with DH through penetrative sex and have since we first did the deed. I haven't discussed it with friends so don't know if that's rare or not.

You say you are more or less straight. Have you ever had sex with women? You might have more success with orgasms. Firstly just because women are better at getting women to cum, plus you might feel safer if that's an issue, plus I wonder if you are more attracted to women than you are yet comfortable to admit to yourself. Just a thought.

Oral doesn't make me orgasm but I do through penetrative sex. A full bladder only makes it more difficult for me.

There was a similar thread on here a little while ago, and most people on there had said they’d never finished though PIV penetration, only through foreplay. It’s totally normal, lots and lots of women don’t finish through penetration and you don’t need therapy to help you!

Before meeting DH id had plenty of sexual partners and I’d never ever even come close to finishing with any of them. But I can count on one hand the amount of times I havent finished with DH through penetration. A lot of the time I don’t even need foreplay. For whatever reason, sex with DH just works in a way that it never did with anyone else. I think you just need to find the right person, after all, every sexual experience with every person is totally different - maybe you just haven’t found someone you totally click with sexually yet. But there’s certainly nothing wrong with you! Your friend sounds like a dick.

Find a man who loves eating out and doesn’t mind using toys.

DH likes Wagamama and Lego. I'm onto a winner

Hear, hear @SeagoingSexpot. I think it's a positive thread about women enjoying sex and suggesting to the OP how she might go about managing to overcome her puritanical upbringing and enjoy sex more herself.

I am 44 and have only had orgasms through sex for the last year. My charming ex husband used to imply there was something wrong with me. It turns out that he was what was wrong! I have no trouble with my current partner.

I can cum easiest on my own, only once ever through penetration, but the times it's been best were done by a man. Memorably, once, I couldn't walk, had to be carried back inside the house. Not EVERY man, but I view it on laziness on their part of I don't cum.

Surely the whole point of having sex is enjoyment (oh, and if you are trying for a baby 😁) so why have a relationship with someone who can’t (or won’t) provide that?
There are men out there who take pride in giving satisfaction OP. Hope you find one.

I never orgasmed with my ex. And with other partners since it was hit and miss.

Not with DP. it’s amazing and I have never not cum and often more than once.

It’s Ye Olde sexual chemistry innit.

Thing is op isn’t talking about just penetration she means even being in the same room she then can’t get her self off let alone anyone else do it for her.

The 25% of women who can orgasm through penetration all seem to be on MN

@TheLegendOfZelda

You say you are more or less straight. Have you ever had sex with women? You might have more success with orgasms. Firstly just because women are better at getting women to cum, plus you might feel safer if that's an issue, plus I wonder if you are more attracted to women than you are yet comfortable to admit to yourself. Just a thought.

If I'm honest the majority of the porn I watch is lesbian porn but I've not really thought to question why that is. To answer your question, no I haven't had sex with a woman... yet. It's something I've been curious/ borderline obsessed with since I was quite young but I've never had the opportunity to explore. A friend of mine has hired a lesbian escort and said it was the best sex of her life and i have to admit I was very jealous and tempted by the idea but don't think I would ever pay for it. There is quite a lot of disdain/homophobia towards gay people in my family for cultural/religious reasons and I think that I've possibly internalised that and this has stopped me acting on the urges I've felt.

@iklboo

Find a man who loves eating out and doesn’t mind using toys.

DH likes Wagamama and Lego. I'm onto a winner

I honestly think penis shape has something to do with it.

Didn't think I was even capable of orgasm with my ex, but can orgasm through just penetration with my husband.

Op, sounds stress/tension related. If you “ get there” on your own, it clearly works..
Eg no nerve damage..
Not sure how therapy would work, maybe try and find someone you feel at ease with?

I orgasm every time but not through penetration (can’t through penetration on my own either so must just be the way i am!)

If you can make yourself come but not one man can then I’d think you have just had rubbish partners tbh.

Interesting first post @JSD1987 ! Welcome to MN. . .

(Also, isn't 'cum' the noun and 'come' the verb?)

Maybe it's time to take a few steps into the world of dating women? See how it feels.

I find I definitely have to leave my inhibitions at the door and focus on the here and now (not think about work the next day, or if my belly is wobbling too much).

It's also worth noting that women can cum in different ways (according to a quick non-scientific discussion with girlfriends!). Tingly and warm was one sensation whereas another was cervix throbbing.

For me it's clitoral and G-spot at the same time.

OP, it very much sounds like you have not yet met the right... woman!

Lol so much at eating out and toys.. I too thought of a nice cafe
I went out with a bloke who had erection issues due to stress.. evidently he was asked “ Is it in yet?” And was teased about it.
Anxt in both genders is not conducive to “ good sex” but at least women can fake it.

@MildlyFoxed

Hear, hear *@SeagoingSexpot*. I think it's a positive thread about women enjoying sex and suggesting to the OP how she might go about managing to overcome her puritanical upbringing and enjoy sex more herself.

I agree, I'm actually really encouraged that so many women are having positive experiences in the bedroom. It's nice to know it can happen because I honestly did think I was completely normal and this has opened my eyes. It's a little bittersweet to find out that I'm clearly a bit weird and/or repressed in some way but at least I'm doing something about it.

My DP is better at it than I am .

I don’t think it’s normal not to orgasm at all with a man, although many women need more than PIV to make it happen.

@Kaiserin
Probably true👍