To think most women don't/can't "get there" with men?

[JSD1987]

I'm early thirties, more or less straight and I have had 8 Mmale sexual partners. I have never had an orgasm with a man, despite enjoying foreplay, sex and oral very much. I would say that only 3 of these partners were what I would consider to be good in bed. I can easily cum on my own, in both ways - just not with a man.

I was under the impression this was completely normal and that most women don't orgasm with someone else but a friend of mine and I got talking about this and she was completely aghast and basically implied there is something weird/wrong with me and I need to get therapy.

Genuinely interested to know people's thoughts/ experiences?

@ShawshanksRedemption

I find I definitely have to leave my inhibitions at the door and focus on the here and now (not think about work the next day, or if my belly is wobbling too much).

It's also worth noting that women can cum in different ways (according to a quick non-scientific discussion with girlfriends!). Tingly and warm was one sensation whereas another was cervix throbbing.

For me it's clitoral and G-spot at the same time.

Tingly and warm sounds very anticlimactic!!

I've never struggled with it.

Always managed through penetration every time and funnily enough it's only in recent years ive managed it through masturbation / oral. (( position needed tweaking))

It's all down to the rhythm imo.

@TheLegendOfZelda

Maybe it's time to take a few steps into the world of dating women? See how it feels.

I completely see why you would say that but I'm at the stage of wanting to settle down and have a family and for various reasons settling down with a woman is not something I can do. I don't want to go into too much detail but any children of mine are already going to have to deal with extra challenges that the "typical" child won't have to and I don't want to add to that, having dealt with those challenges myself.

I don't have a G-spot .

And before anyone says I haven't had good sex or partners, believe me I have.

There's been more hours and dedicated searching put into trying to find my G-spot (alone and with others) than trying to find King Solomons fucking mines.

I always do and didn’t realise a lot of people didn’t until I read it on here.

I orgasm pretty much every time but not through just penetration.
I cum from hands, oral and toys.
I would be unhappy not to orgasm!
Is there a reason you can't with your dp? Have you told him how to get you there?

Yes I always orgasm through sex. Maybe show him what to do if you can do it on your own? I wouldn't think you are having great sex if you can't orgasm!

I rarely had an orgasm with my ex H. Maybe 25% of the time if that.

I orgasm every time with my current BF - usually more than once. Partly this is because of his extensive oral skill set () but I think it’s also that I really fancy him as well as that we’re physically very compatible. I’d never cum during PIV before him. Now I do almost every time. Was quite a revelation!

@JSD1987 I'm the same. I do occasionally, when I'm alone in the house, masterbate, but it makes me feel dirty. That's the only way I've ever orgasmed.

I've had a few lovers and been married for 15 years and have had sex, but I've never enjoyed it. My husband had his prostate removed last year and he's now impotent and also lost his libido and that suits me fine. We have a wonderful marriage. We're very much in love and find other ways to be intimate. We still kiss and cuddle a lot. We just don't have sex and both happy not to have to bother.

Everyone's different, you just need to find what works for you. Trust is the most important thing though, I've found, and being truly comfortable.

My partner is the only person I've been with and in the beginning although it was good I didn't cum that often. Now, I get there easily (usually several times) because we've learned each other's bodies and likes and dislikes and we can explore.

In terms of tips, if that's what you're after, I find it best when I'm on top, and I sort of squeeze and push down (Not necessarily at the same time). We also both find it better when I go slow, the sensations build up much more intensely. Also, do a love honey shop together! Don't be scared and have fun. We have a few things, and though we don't use them that often anymore, they really help, especially in learning each other's bodies and being more relaxed and more confident. Best thing is probably a cock ring with a vibrator in it and little sticky up bunny ears for me

You're not at all unusual, JSD, a great many women do not orgasm during penetrative sex but still enjoy it very much. You probably will at some stage but enjoy what you do, there's so much more to sex than orgasm. Reaching a climax does not compare to some of the experiences I have had, which were great. However, it happens sometimes.

Men often feel they aren't doing things properly and failing in some way if their partner doesn't come which puts pressure on partner to 'perform'. That shows how different the sexes think about sex.

This issue also illustrates how individual women are in their sexual needs. To some it is extremely important to orgasm and they feel unfulfilled if they don't, resorting to mechanics, but others are like me and not bothered about it.

differently

[quote SecretSpAD]@JSD1987 I'm the same. I do occasionally, when I'm alone in the house, masterbate, but it makes me feel dirty. That's the only way I've ever orgasmed.

I've had a few lovers and been married for 15 years and have had sex, but I've never enjoyed it. My husband had his prostate removed last year and he's now impotent and also lost his libido and that suits me fine. We have a wonderful marriage. We're very much in love and find other ways to be intimate. We still kiss and cuddle a lot. We just don't have sex and both happy not to have to bother. [/quote]
I'm sorry you feel dirty when you masturbate :( You really shouldn't, there's nothing wrong with giving yourself pleasure but I do understand that it's hard to fight feelings of guilty/shame. You sound like you have a happy marriage which works for you though, which is something I'd love to have :)

I’m more or less the same. I’m fine alone, in fact I prefer it alone. I’ve only experienced multis alone.

When I’m with my husband it’s different and I suppose I’m more concerned about making him feel good and how I’m feeling tends to get lost along the way. I don’t feel relaxed at all.

My ex husband wouldn’t give in until I was satisfied so I’d sometimes get headaches. Even then I’d still prefer it alone.

My upbringing was I suppose more religious than most and sex wasn’t discussed. We had rules as what we could do/restrictions on what we could wear so we weren’t classed as...I don’t remember the term used if there was one but it was implied like “easy”.

Maybe therapy might help you. I’m sure they’ll be online resources about it too.

Just remember though it’s not a competition. Take care and good luck.

So if I want to, I will do. 99% of the time I not only want to but want multiples.

I can come with foreplay from DH’s actions, very occasionally penetration alone. I will usually come during sex but I usually have to give myself a helping hand. Also if DH is taking too long to get me there with foreplay, I will take matters into my own hands then too. I can be quite impatient demanding my multiples

@Owleyes16 @jessstan2 @buildingsocietysky Thank for your helpful and imaginative comments, nice to feel I'm not a complete weirdo!

Try the website OMGYes to establish what works for you, and give him ideas of what to do.

I know exactly what a man needs to do to work for me. Whether or not they do it is another matter though, even if you've told them.

You sound like you have a happy marriage which works for you though, which is something I'd love to have :

I hope you find what you are looking for. I'm very much in the minority on here and in society, I'm thinking that sex isn't really that important in a relationship. It's friendship, shared values, enjoying each other's company and tolerance that are the things that really keep couples together. Others will say it's sex that's most important, but often that can easily be the barrier to communicating properly....

Only you can know what makes a good relationship for you. Just because women on here are claiming multiple orgasms - it doesn't mean that is the experience of a lot of women. I'd say your experience, or mine, is that of a great many women (at least from drunken conversations with my female friends over the years).

@JSD1987 what you said on page 3 about never really trusting the men you are with. I was the same and basically had vaginismus in my 1st relationship, with someone who I knew was serially unfaithful but I pretended to myself and to him that I was cool about it. I was not. I was also sexually abused as a child. It’s only when I met DH who is not into mind games and not a liar that I let go and could enjoy sex. I am not being a smug woman ( pace ArtichokeAardvark), but I have no trouble orgasming alone or with DH- although not usually solely vaginally. I also read the Hite report on Female Sexuality in my 20s and found it very illuminating. Good luck exploring your sexuality .

Oh and my parents were tweedy prudes and I grew up in a country where women’s bodies and sex= danger so that put my sexuality in the freezer for a long time.

Being honest, I've only ever been with one man who managed it. He was a lot older than me and far more experienced. I've reached the conclusion that I just shag the wrong men.

And the sex towel can barely cope as it is

Have to admit, this made me snort

It's a state of mind thing, you need to be very relaxed and in the zone. I haven't used a vibrator in years either, when I did I couldn't orgasm through manual stimulation at all.

I hope you can fix this OP, because you are very much missing out on something you deserve to experience.

I’ve been with my DH for 14 years. He’s the only person I’ve ever slept with. I’ve never NOT had an orgasm when we have sex. I have an orgasm every time. Only one. Never had multiples but that’s Ok as once I’ve finished I don’t need or want another. Very rarely we “go again” or more likely I’ve finished too soon and then he waits for me to “start up again” and so I would then have another orgasm.

Like others, I’m not sure I’d want to bother if I could not orgasm.

Good luck.

I was like you OP. Then I learned to relax with my dh and now come everytime , with manual stimulation. What did you mean when you said you became too sensitive from a vibrator? I've never heard of that. Ive only heard of women becoming numbed by vibrators

OP - avoid smokers - luckily there aren't many these days!