To think most women don't/can't "get there" with men?

[JSD1987]

I'm early thirties, more or less straight and I have had 8 Mmale sexual partners. I have never had an orgasm with a man, despite enjoying foreplay, sex and oral very much. I would say that only 3 of these partners were what I would consider to be good in bed. I can easily cum on my own, in both ways - just not with a man.

I was under the impression this was completely normal and that most women don't orgasm with someone else but a friend of mine and I got talking about this and she was completely aghast and basically implied there is something weird/wrong with me and I need to get therapy.

Genuinely interested to know people's thoughts/ experiences?

DP Was the first and only man to make me orgasm.

It’s probably normal if it was a one night stand but not a long term loving relationship. It may well be worth exploring therapy or at least doing some reading to figure out why you have this barrier up. I know of people who’ve been given unhealthy messages about sex and it has caused problems - all of them happen to be Christian thinking about it, one is male. Also met a women who just didn’t enjoy it at all. So it’s not “normal” but not unusual either. It’s up to you whether it’s important enough to tackle.

Surely a full bladder is risky!

@iklboo

Sorry, I'm a multi with DH

If you told me there is a tiny leprechaun in your cupboard who gives you a pot of gold every day I would find that easier to believe. I literally am so shocked by that! How?! How is that possible?!

I orgasm nearly every time during sex and if I dont DP is happy to go back to foreplay until I do (although sometimes I'm satisfied without one!). A lot of it is the mental battle rather than bad sex, what do you find turns you on? Really focus on that and it should help.

Sounds like a psychological issue you have about it to me, rather than a problem with your partners.

I orgasm easily from penetrative sex, which is good as I don't like foreplay!

I am a bit like you op. Don't get me wrong sex with my dh is wonderful but most of the time I just don't get there. He is very generous and considerate but I sometimes just can't get there

I look at it like going for a walk up a hill. You can enjoy the company and the view but sometimes you just don't get up the hill.

There is no 'right' way to orgasm imo. Everyone is very different and what works for one won't work for others. As long as you and your partner are happy then it's no one elses business.

as Nuffaluff says, asking for (or telling!) what you need if essential.

@Boredbumhead

Surely a full bladder is risky!

My immediate thought was, does that not give you a UTI / cystitis?

You may be onto something there. I was raised in a religious household and I remember my parents telling me sex is dirty and not to do it because it would make me feel disgusting. My father also told me masturbation would give me cancer although testament to my teen hormones that didn't stop me doing it

You're not unusual.
It depends on your partner as well because how they act will dictate whether you can really relax and 'let go' or not. The majority of men I've been with would refuse foreplay, hammer away and then go off for a smoke when they were finished. The attitude is that if you didn't FULLY enjoy their amazing pummelling, then you're defective. I'm early 30s too.

@NamiSwan

Do you mean you don't orgasm through penetration, or at all during sex with men (e.g. foreplay)? I would say it is quite unusual to never orgasm with a partner in any of foreplay, oral or penetration.

I pretty much always orgasm
(often during foreplay, and almost always through penetration) with my DH. A lot of women I know don't necessarily orgasm during penetrative sex but most women I know will orgasm during foreplay if not through penetration. If you're not getting an orgasm through foreplay then your partner isn't trying hard enough, to be frank. Not sure it says anything about you (i.e. not sure I would agree with your friend) as the skill/effort of the man you're with does make a difference.

I dont orgasm from any of it - oral, penetration, foreplay, fingering etc. I dont even get close. I do think some of it has been that I've not had many good sexual partners. My ex for example would NEVER go down on me and would just jump on and get going & I would usually just go numb and not really not be able to feel anything. I'm more confused about the odd time I've been with someone I was genuinely enjoying it with and it just didn't happen, even if they were doing what I like or I was doing what I like to help them along. I've tried not thinking about it, thinking about it, nothing seems to be working.

@TweeterandtheMonkeyman

I 100% would not bother having sex if it did not result in an orgasm for me

This!

I didn't come every time when I was younger, but I've never had sex with someone who didn't get me off apart from that one night stand with the gay guy

I actually can come from penetration, although it needs to be the right angle, but generally DH has got me off before we get to that. It's not uncommon for me to get off before PIV and then again during or afterwards.

If you can get there on your own, perhaps you're overthinking it? Do you feel comfortable saying exactly what works? Could you try getting yourself there in his presence?

Side note- are multiple orgasms quite rare then? I thought it was quite normal!

doing it with a full bladder

That would definitely have the opposite effect. I'd be too worried about losing control!

JizzPigeon22 so did I.

Though I have to say, I had much more trouble organising after I had kids. Partly physical (I'm sure it all moved down there!) and partially psychological as my nethers were utter carnage!

"Could you try getting yourself there in his presence?"
I have tried this and I must admit, it made me feel very uncomfortable/under pressure and shockingly nothing happened. It also felt a bit like I was doing something private in an inappropriate setting, like going to the toilet in the living room. I wonder if perhaps I've subconsciously trained myself to cum only when alone. If that's the case, no idea how I would fix that!

Find a man who loves eating out and doesn’t mind using toys. Maybe making yourself during sex with a vibrator will boost your confidence a bit and you can start having orgasms. Maybe get the guy to hold the vibrator on you.

To be fair, I only orgasm with my partner when I'm using my womanizer. I couldn't without. But I know mine is a mental block. I worry that I'll take too long to cum and it makes me stressed. DP is actually really good in bed so it's not his fault!

The full bladder thing - definitely feels better to cum when your bladder is full. But after two children there are...consequences.

I can easily cum on my own, in both ways - just not with a man.

Both ways?

@JizzPigeon22

Find a man who loves eating out and doesn’t mind using toys. Maybe making yourself during sex with a vibrator will boost your confidence a bit and you can start having orgasms. Maybe get the guy to hold the vibrator on you.

Hmm, I did used to have a vibrator but I became shall we say...too attached to it and I was oversensitive in that area for years as a result 🤣

Sorry your assumption is wrong and your friend is right.

That and doing it with a full bladder

This isn't so you "squirt" is it??

@UnaCorda

I can easily cum on my own, in both ways - just not with a man.

Both ways?

As in clitoral and g spot.... wait that is a thing right?! Don't tell me I have a defective vagina on top of everything else?!