To think most women don't/can't "get there" with men?

[JSD1987]

I'm early thirties, more or less straight and I have had 8 Mmale sexual partners. I have never had an orgasm with a man, despite enjoying foreplay, sex and oral very much. I would say that only 3 of these partners were what I would consider to be good in bed. I can easily cum on my own, in both ways - just not with a man.

I was under the impression this was completely normal and that most women don't orgasm with someone else but a friend of mine and I got talking about this and she was completely aghast and basically implied there is something weird/wrong with me and I need to get therapy.

Genuinely interested to know people's thoughts/ experiences?

Nearly everytime, sometimes more than once (which makes him jealous!).

The most reliable way for me is to touch myself, as I know exactly what I want at any given moment. So I'll get turned on by whatever we are doing together, but I tend to apply "the finishing touches"

For me it's about feeling relaxed, no pressure to orgasm. It takes emotional closeness with my partner, trusting enough be vulnerable or look silly in front of them.

Maybe you need to think about why you don't feel safe with your partners, and start to address that and find someone who you can build trust with. And/or maybe you should try dating women, as there's certainly an attraction there.

Hormonal birth control messed up my sex drive and made it harder for me to orgasm, is that a factor for you?

@namechange678 I did find my sex drive was lower when I was on the pill but I haven't noticed it making a difference to my enjoyment of sex iykwim. You've definitely given me some food for thought with the rest of your post, it would be quite interesting to see if this problem persists with women. I think I would just have to be very upfront that it would be a purely sexual thing but I'm not sure if there are many women who would be up for that hence the escort idea.

@iklboo

Find a man who loves eating out and doesn’t mind using toys.

DH likes Wagamama and Lego. I'm onto a winner

Lol!

@JSD1987 There are many women like you so don't worry. Your perfectly normal.

Am I the only one getting distracted by the spelling of 'cum'? I must be old but I'd always spell it 'come'. The other spelling makes me think of incels in basements ...
Anyway, to answer your question OP, I've came with every partner I've had. Some with penetration. Others with everything but penetration. I'm at the PP suggesting a full bladder. That definitely wouldn't work for me. If you know how to meditate OP then try a quick breathing exercise or visualisation when you feel yourself getting close. Taking yourself out of the moment mentally, might let your body respond without you feeling self-conscious.

Teach them. You teach them how to get you there. Show them how you like it. They’re not mind readers. Sex is like learning to drive - all cars are different - you need to learn how to treat each one.

I can "get there" very easily within 5 minutes with a man but get no joy out of it whatsoever as I'm asexual and can't see what the enormus massive big deal is of a few nerve endings going off.

Id feel disappointed if I didn't orgasm at least once during sex. If you can do it on your own you need to think about pointing your partner in the right direction in relation to what works for you

Ffs why are women not allowed to state - on a thread about sexual fulfilment - that they have a good sex life/ have multiple orgasms, without someone trying to make their comments seem inappropriate or ‘smug’? Honestly if you find it offensive that some of us unapologetically love sex then that’s a you problem

Not aimed at OP obviously

most people on there had said they’d never finished though PIV penetration

Sorry, what is PIV penetration?!

@LioneIRichTea

most people on there had said they’d never finished though PIV penetration

Sorry, what is PIV penetration?!

I believe it's penis in vagina!

A good friend of mine has had similar issues @JSD1987.
She says everything got solved when she started to go out with women. She never had an issue with orgasm since then...

*most people on there had said they’d never finished though PIV penetration

Sorry, what is PIV penetration?!

I believe it's penis in vagina!*

Oh ok thanks! What other kind is there?

@Signalbox

I must say, I can't come if I've had more than one or two glasses of wine. It shuts off my orgasm switch completely

Totally.

Absolutely this - I deliberately don't drink if I'm feeling like I want sex because I know I won't orgasm if I've been drinking.

The irony is that drink makes me think I want sex, but nothing ever happens aside from me falling asleep mid-way.

My hubby occasionally doesn't get hard due to some medical issues but on those occasions he does make me cum. And we both have fun due to the closeness. Maybe you and your partner should make it all about you til you cum too

There are women who never cum at all, through masturbation, foreplay, or PIV. There are women who can only cum through masturbation on their own, not through foreplay or PIV. There are women who only cum through PIV, but never through masturbation or foreplay. There are women who can cum with the worst lover in the world. There are women who ................. You get the idea!

It's bad enough that films/tv portray that woman all cum simultaneously with a man during PIV after about 3 minutes, without us assuming that other women are exactly the same as us. The whole "most would" or "doesn't everyone" or it's "the wrong men" is a bollock assumption not based on actual facts. Women get enough crap from men about our ability or non ability to cum, without us making each other feeling weird/wrong/frigid.

Can I just say a massive thank you to each and every person who's posted on this thread?! Its been really enlightening and I somehow feel both less and more alone but in a good way! Looking back at all the things I've written about myself: raised by religious parents with dysfunctional views on sex, lack of trust in most of my relationships, sexuality confusion etc. it's actually completely clear to me that I've got a lot of mental blocks/ psychological stuff to unpick.

Fighting about multiple orgasms aside, I think the one thing we can all agree on though is that there has never been a better time for a curious single woman to get out there and explore her sexuality 😂

It's not uncommon for women not to reach orgasm every time. I think it really depends on the sexual partner. My dh tries to ensure I get there every time, unless we're on a time constraint and he knows it won't happen haha. I'm not offended though on those occasions, as I enjoy the act not just the finale.

It's been a really useful discussion, I agree! Sorry I tried to poke you over to the Sex topic with the pervs .

I'm one of the women that can achieve orgasm via penetrative sex. I get off about 90% of the time with DP.
I've actually never gotten off with a woman. I've had plenty of sexual interaction with women, just they tend to do what they like rather than investigating what I like. Whereas men that I've had sex with have tried to figure out what I like.

@LioneIRichTea

*most people on there had said they’d never finished though PIV penetration

Sorry, what is PIV penetration?!

I believe it's penis in vagina!*

Oh ok thanks! What other kind is there?

Digital and oral.

Opposite here.
No problem with a man, definitely never on my own.

Literally can’t believe someone started a thread inviting you to discuss the most intimate details of your sex life & you all did it.

🤨

OP read 'Come as you are' by Emily Nagoski. very interesting.

I dunno JSD1987 I've never had an orgasm with a partner either, I've been with my husband 13yrs and I kind of don't think I ever will, I cannot see myself telling him how to do it. I'm not sure I'd want to come with him or would be very revealing. I'm not sure how or came to this.