Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think most women don't/can't "get there" with men?

299 replies

JSD1987 · 24/07/2020 16:03

I'm early thirties, more or less straight and I have had 8 Mmale sexual partners. I have never had an orgasm with a man, despite enjoying foreplay, sex and oral very much. I would say that only 3 of these partners were what I would consider to be good in bed. I can easily cum on my own, in both ways - just not with a man.

I was under the impression this was completely normal and that most women don't orgasm with someone else but a friend of mine and I got talking about this and she was completely aghast and basically implied there is something weird/wrong with me and I need to get therapy.

Genuinely interested to know people's thoughts/ experiences?

OP posts:
Titsywoo · 27/07/2020 00:33

I can't do multiple orgasms though! I'm so senstive after the first one that I can't bear to be touched anymore!

Titsywoo · 27/07/2020 00:36

My orgasms are best when having PIV and stimulating my clitoris at the same time. Much better that foreplay orgasms IMO.

BraveGoldie · 27/07/2020 01:13

I have g spot orgasms - often several - almost every time I have sex with my current partner, which is daily. Never tire of them. And a not totally empty bladder further increases the sensitivity of these. (A full bladder would make me anxious though!) I had never experienced a g spot orgasm in 20 years with my ex before that..... something about the shape and size of my DP's cock and what he does with it just rocks my world!

Clitoral orgasm I will have once every few days with him through Oral. Never multiple, and my desire for those fades for a day or two after each one. Totally different sensation and penetration actually makes it harder to achieve these for me.

SeagoingSexpot · 27/07/2020 08:31

I agree that g-spot orgasms from penetration are different - for me I'd describe them as shorter, sharper but also more localised, I feel them primarily in the vaginal area whereas clitoral orgasms radiate out more and involve the whole area. If I had to put them in a hierarchy from least to most enjoyable... G-spot orgasms, clitoral orgasms, and then orgasms involving both are by far the most intense Grin

What do people mean by "multiple" here, btw? More than one a session, or sort of more than one simultaneously, a really big intense one?

BraveGoldie · 27/07/2020 09:32

Interesting! I love g spot more. For me it is an incredibly intense, divine feeling that makes my eyes roll back - and They last as long as he is touching that area, so they get so intense sometimes, I have to laughingly ask him to stop! For me, I mean multiple in that I will have that feeling any time he is touching that spot in the right way. So we often move out and back into that position (best on my back, legs up in a v in front of him, him kneeling between my legs, his torso vertical with vigorous movement... even more intense if I do a little tummy crunch or have a little in my bladder)... I don't have a sense of build up, then release, then oversensitivity with g spot that limits the repeat. Other than feeling relaxed and receptive, I don't need any foreplay at all. I also don't get a fall in my sexual desire after.... so we just stop when I feel totally satiated (and a bit dizzy!)

Clitoral is an amazing sensation, but has some disadvantages - I need build up and definitely sometimes just can't, and I lose desire as soon as I have come in this way- feel tired and just want to lie there, so if it happens not at the end, it's a bit of a bummer. There's also a bit more performance anxiety ('trying to come/ will I/ won't I etc...). And I have never had that full radiation through my body - it feels awesome but sticks around my pelvis.

I've never experienced both at once, as for me they need totally different positions, moods and vigor....

There was a third kind of orgasm I found when I read a book (was it called 'massive extended orgasm?' Something like that.). It was incredible - maybe more on the tantric side, with a lot more 'mindset/setting' stuff and massage of one specific section of the clitoris... it was probably the most intense physical experience I have ever had, and did radiate through my body- there was no 'arrival point' just ever growing sensation for as long as you want to feel it. (The book described the 'arrival - oversensitivity kind of orgasm as the 'sneeze style' and interestingly suggested that it was a much more masculine form of orgasm and women had somewhat been led to believe that was all their bodies could do, because it fitted best the male paradigm of sexual pleasure) I got into the habit of giving myself this kind of orgasm for a short time on my own, while single, and walked around in a totally blissful state! But it takes patience and I have fallen out of the habit and have never tried it with my partner.

Anyway OP, I realize I have strayed a little from your original question , but I hope that hearing women's accounts can help take away some of the taboo and open up possibilities? If you are able to have orgasms in private, and have a partner willing to learn then I am sure you can achieve orgasms with him- it may be a case of casting off some of the mental beliefs or anxieties you have rather than learning anything physical. It can be a wonderful exploration!

midnightstar66 · 27/07/2020 09:41

I think it's unusual to never get there at all. I understand not through penetration alone but for me I can get in to a certain position and kind of do the job myself. The full bladder is definitely not for everyone, for a start it's an invitation for a UTI but personally I find it painful. Seems you need to take the pressure off and relax. Maybe a massage first ...

Planbforme · 27/07/2020 09:41

I love g spot more. For me it is an incredibly intense, divine feeling that makes my eyes roll back - and They last as long as he is touching that area, so they get so intense sometimes, I have to laughingly ask him to stop

Oh lucky you. I have never had a g-spot orgasm. I wonder if some women just can’t? In another thread, someone queried why PiV orgasms are seen as so important and this is why : because they make penetrative sex pleasurable for the woman too.

BraveGoldie · 27/07/2020 11:05

@Planbforme I never had until two years ago (at 41)... And despite all his failings my ExH was a considerate, decent lover. All I can say is there is a totally different physical fit with DP ......

FrancoBranco · 27/07/2020 11:59

@BraveGoldie

There was a third kind of orgasm I found when I read a book (was it called 'massive extended orgasm?' Something like that.). It was incredible - maybe more on the tantric side, with a lot more 'mindset/setting' stuff and massage of one specific section of the clitoris... it was probably the most intense physical experience I have ever had, and did radiate through my body- there was no 'arrival point' just ever growing sensation for as long as you want to feel it. (The book described the 'arrival - oversensitivity kind of orgasm as the 'sneeze style' and interestingly suggested that it was a much more masculine form of orgasm and women had somewhat been led to believe that was all their bodies could do, because it fitted best the male paradigm of sexual pleasure) I got into the habit of giving myself this kind of orgasm for a short time on my own, while single, and walked around in a totally blissful state! But it takes patience and I have fallen out of the habit and have never tried it with my partner.

Soooo... do you have the name of that book? It's for a friend. Wink

TheLegendOfZelda · 27/07/2020 12:38

Gspot is the internal part of your clitoris

That's why I like oral with fingers the best. Way more directed than outside clitoral or piv for stimulation. I can come for a good few minutes at least each time that way, then go straight into the next, and the next. I read recently that is called stacked orgasms rather than multiple. It's a wave of intense pleasure that I can stay in for up to an hour if the guy is willing

Frankly, there is no comparison to a sneeze orgasm (which is a hilarious description that perfectly fits my piv experiences if I ever do come that way - seriously - why bother?)

I do really really enjoy penetration after orgasming that way. Amazingly sensitive.

TheLegendOfZelda · 27/07/2020 12:41

Sorry op. I hope that isn't depressing. I still recommend you try women. They are better at finding your gspot for a start. Penises are rubbish for that, fingers are way better, and knowing your way round the female anatomy the best. If you want to try with penetration, then a decent strapon allows you to experiment with size and shape more easily than changing the man!

BraveGoldie · 27/07/2020 12:47

@FrancoBranco
I hope your friend enjoys! 😉

BraveGoldie · 27/07/2020 12:47

It is very very woman Centred

FrancoBranco · 27/07/2020 18:21

Thanks @BraveGoldie , my friend appreciates it. Smile

MsTSwift · 27/07/2020 20:26

Mn - no girl should be allowed out of the house without an armed guard or at least Liam Neeson walking behind her until she reaches the age of at least 25

RL my 11 year old and pals live a normal life meet up in the neighbourhood and - wait for it- sometimes go on runs or bike rides

MsTSwift · 27/07/2020 20:27

Wrong thread sorry !

Este67 · 28/07/2020 08:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

janinlondon · 28/07/2020 08:26

Not sure this is helpful OP, but only 18% of women climax from vaginal penetration alone. The vagina has relatively few nerve endings. Which is how they can do egg retrieval and other vaginal surgery without anaesthetic....

thiswashelpful · 28/07/2020 08:27

I think this thread shows that all women can get there with the right partner and right technique.

Of course there are selfish men, but it is also our responsibility to tell the partner what we want too. I guess this can come down to personality type, but be clear in what you want (as well as looking after your partner too of course!)

For the woman in the post who never had an orgasm, please look up omgyes and hitachi wand. Like is too short to be living like that, and I'm sure your DP will appreciate it.

Menora · 28/07/2020 08:28

A few years ago I met a guy who was very into giving me orgasms and I learnt a lot about myself and my body. I then worked out what I needed to do, which often involved helping myself along

My current partner now goes for the g spot and I have absolutely huge ones I am very relaxed with him though and able to let go, not worry about what I look like and focus on the sensation

Bubbletrouble43 · 28/07/2020 08:31

I orgasm almost every time with dp however I was 28 before I had my first orgasm with a man and over the years ( I'm now mid 40s) it's got more and more consistent. I think because I'm more experienced and confident.

betterNCforthis · 28/07/2020 10:46

There is no HITACHI WAND anymore, it is sold under a different name. Here is a little history www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/a14105499/hitachi-magic-wand-history/ and you see it's called Vibratex Magic Wand Massager

For the OP, and the person that never got there: by this for your DP/DH for your/his birthday. Might be one of the best presents he (and you?) ever had?

This might sound a bit harsh, but it is a regular comment on mumsnet (often in relation to new male partners). I'd not be happy with a partner that can't get there. I'd really feel like something is missing.

OP @JSD1987 if it not too personal a question: How does your DH feel about you not being able to get there?

JSD1987 · 28/07/2020 11:12

"OP @JSD1987 if it not too personal a question: How does your DH feel about you not being able to get there?"

I'm not dating anyone at the moment but in my last relationship it wasn't really addressed. He was aware that it wasn't happening but didn't seem to care. Not in a nasty way, it just wasn't something that seemed to be a concern for him. That's been the usual experience for me and I suppose that made me think it was normal for the woman not to have an orgasm.

OP posts:
akitamiss · 28/07/2020 11:28

For me personally I would not be happy in a relationship with a partner that cannot orgasm. It's like drinking low alcohol wine, or mocktails; it might be OK from time to time but something is really missing.

It's great that you are thinking about this OP. Some good advice here. And when you did find a relationship you are comfortable with, adding in something like the wand with an interested partner would be great fun for you both. Great experiments and learning to be had together :)

betterNCforthis · 28/07/2020 11:36

And to put my wand comment in context my DH had health issues a few years ago. Used that together, it was new for us both, and we both had a lot of fun :)

Swipe left for the next trending thread