Found husbands secret phone

[Sandpaperkisses357]

I have, a few days ago, found a phone I never knew my husband had..(I never usually would go through his phone but I just got a horrible feeling)and on it are texts from one of his female friends, one of which was asking him to send her money, 100 or 150 if possible as things are hard for her and family can't help.. next msg, her asking again and saying she will pay back the 1000?! He already sent last month When she gets bk on her feet WTF?! Another msg, burn after u read this ..
I am fuming to say the least .. how do I approach this ..
That money could have gone on the family, maybe for a holiday, which we've had one of in our 10 yrs together or get me my driving lessons he keeps putting off as " we can't afford it" but not just on some other woman.
Now I'm questioning our whole lives together and wondering is he having an affair?
We have 5 kids together, and can't just leave so easily..feeling so depressed about it all .. and even harder in the current circumstances too.
Totally heartbroken

Is also assume he has more than 5 children

I thought he might have a second family. Seems straight to be sending large amounts to another woman on a second phone regularly.

I would sit down with him tonight and tell him you've found the phone and you know everything. He may well slip up and provide you with details he would've otherwise hid if you don't tell him exactly what you know.
Good luck

@crustycrab could you know the OP? I'd maybe share some vague details through PM to see if you could help her shine a light on her situation?

I can't think of any legitimate reason why a married man with 5 children would have a secret phone which reveals he's secretly given a female 'friend' £1000. I'd want to know why DH had a phone I didn't know about, who this woman was, why he gave her £1000 and how he was able to give away £1000 without me knowing. And then I'd want to know whatever else he'd been hiding from me.

And why he didn't put a passcode on the phone?

Not to menti

Philanthropy? Really?

Sorry, ignore - Cross posted with reply from OP

Are you sure he's in another country.
Screams double life to me.
He could very well be just down the road.

Sorry

I'd have it out once the kids are in bed. He's a deceitful, lying prick and it'll eat away at you the longer you leave it.

absolutely take pictures of the messages. You need proof as he will no doubt delete it all

How does he know her op, is it through work? And when you met a few months back was it an arranged meet up or did you just bump into her?

Can you not just ask him straight out.?

You need talk to him.

I dont even know how I'd handle this situation, I think id have to confront as soon as possible.

Hope you're ok op

Jesus, what a prick

Sorry OP, I can only imagine how you must be feeling. Keep yourself going

I would confiscate the phone entirely, I would text her pretending to be your husband, and then I would confront him the second the children are in bed. There's no way I'd let this go.

I did take pics of the msgs, he knows her through a friend of his, and when I met her we just bumped into her.
Also thank you to everyone posting .
I don't have anyone irl to talk to so it's only here I can vent really ..
And yes hope u enjoy your popcorn izzy.. nice

Say nothing. Change the number to yours. Wait and see what he texts.

Ultimately there is no good excuse. I'd be LTB but collecting evidence in case he makes it difficult.

he just brushed it off like i was imagining it..

And hence the gaslighting began.

Do you still have access to the phone? I would text back asking what she needs more money for and see if she enters into a conversation so you can get some more information. I’ll also be tempted to phone the number and have it out with her but that’s probably not the best idea at the minute.

Oh and the phone magically disappeared again that day when he woke.. I think he left it by mistake

Well is so damn obvious isn't it! He is having an affair and she is demanding money to keep quiet!! Kick him out and move on. Life is not to be spent on a man who sticks his ### in another woman!!