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Original poster

Found husbands secret phone

616 replies

Sandpaperkisses357 · 17/04/2020 19:09

I have, a few days ago, found a phone I never knew my husband had..(I never usually would go through his phone but I just got a horrible feeling)and on it are texts from one of his female friends, one of which was asking him to send her money, 100 or 150 if possible as things are hard for her and family can't help.. next msg, her asking again and saying she will pay back the 1000?! He already sent last month When she gets bk on her feet WTF?! Another msg, burn after u read this ..
I am fuming to say the least .. how do I approach this ..
That money could have gone on the family, maybe for a holiday, which we've had one of in our 10 yrs together or get me my driving lessons he keeps putting off as " we can't afford it" but not just on some other woman.
Now I'm questioning our whole lives together and wondering is he having an affair?
We have 5 kids together, and can't just leave so easily..feeling so depressed about it all .. and even harder in the current circumstances too.
Totally heartbroken Sad

OP posts:
whogoncheckmeBoo · 17/04/2020 20:01

Do you still have the number then from whatsapp? I’d ring her! If you plan to confront him, nothing to lose to ring her and ask some questions, find out what she wants you to know. They will both lie to you but you will have more info . If only to try and piece it all together and fire back at him.

rabbitsnose · 17/04/2020 20:03

Say nothing. Change the number to yours. Wait and see what he texts.

That would be very interesting

MrsRaab · 17/04/2020 20:05

Don't change her number to yours if it's WhatsApp the photo will be wrong

MorganKitten · 17/04/2020 20:05

If she doesn’t have kids sounds like blackmail and she has dirt

Windyatthebeach · 17/04/2020 20:08

Message his mate and say you know everything...
See what he spills.

Ohtherewearethen · 17/04/2020 20:09

@izzywizzygood - yeah, you just sound spiteful. Not nearly as witty as you think you are.

OP, I feel you have enough here to confront him. What's worse, confronting him or not knowing and feeling sick each day? Also, what's worse, you looking at a phone you found or what he has done? He doesn't get to be more annoyed with you than you do with him. He will no doubt start the rant about you not trusting him/snooping, etc, but ultimately he has a hell of a lot more explaining to do than you do. Do not let him make you the bad guy here. If you are not frightened of him and you are safe to do so, just bring it up in conversation with him. 'Oh, that phone I noticed the other day isn't there anymore, is it yours?' something non-accusatory like that. See what comes of that.

DippingToes · 17/04/2020 20:10

I've been in this situation. I'm really sorry OP, but you need to make sure your financial situation is as secure as you can get it AND THEN file for divorce proceedings.

He's a liar and a cheat, and has been taking you for a mug. I'm so sorry 💐

PersonaNonGarter · 17/04/2020 20:13

OP, you need to find out more about that account.

Were you able to look through all the messages?

Tistheseason17 · 17/04/2020 20:14

Jeez, Flowerssounds awful. I'm sorry

Herpesfreesince03 · 17/04/2020 20:17

Are you going to confront him?

Standrewsschool · 17/04/2020 20:17

Do you have access to bank statements. Small amounts such as £50 can be given in cash, but greater quantities are likely to be bank transferred. Have a look at statements and see if there are some unusual transactions, as proof what’s going on.

Notimeforaname · 17/04/2020 20:20

Op said its been sent through a code, so most likely Western Union or somthing like that. He could have just used cash he had on him.

Shrubbish · 17/04/2020 20:20

What a horrible shock, I'm so sorry OP.

Are you going to confront him?

Devlesko · 17/04/2020 20:22

I'm sorry, but secret family was the first thing I thought of. I hope it isn't and there's a reasonable answer.
yes, do some more snooping because he may not tell you all the truth.
It must be a hell of a shock. Thanks

lmcneil003 · 17/04/2020 20:23

There have been many tales on here about women suspecting their partners, but then they turned out to be nonsense after all.
So much nonsense about spidey senses and what not.

Find out the truth, don't make rash judgements about this.
Yes, it looks suspicious, but could be nothing. Seek the truth, and you won't find that on the internet.

peajotter · 17/04/2020 20:23

I’m so sorry. Do what bluebunny123 said and don’t let on how much you know when you confront him. Give him one chance to reveal all. And then insist that he shows you the phone there and then.

There are a couple of options that might not be so bad (or that he might roll out as an excuse, more likely). He could have a much older child from before he met you that he didn’t know about, or she could be blackmailing him, or he could be passing on money for something else (drugs?) or someone else. If he comes out with any of these excuses insist on seeing the phone there and then and reading/screenshooting all the messages.

Notimeforaname · 17/04/2020 20:25

There really is no point speculating... But just for arguments sake, it's possible he's just txting/sexting her for attention and has stupidly sent her money to keep her interested?

Which is still almost as bad as an actual affair.
But she lives in a different country, I wonder does she visit all that much.. Or if its just a 'digital relationship'.... Sorry op, really grasping at straws here hoping it's not as bad as everyone suspects Blush

VenusTiger · 17/04/2020 20:27

So after the last episode with his phone, he realised he needed a separate phone - confront him OP! Call her and whilst its ringing, pass phone to your H and tell him, his gf is on the phone asking for him

Ernieshere · 17/04/2020 20:33

I would be checking the bank acc.

lowlandLucky · 17/04/2020 20:34
Flowers
billy1966 · 17/04/2020 20:38

OP, very difficult for you.

I don't suppose there are any financial papers to copy before you speak to him.

Prepare for the worst I am afraid.

So sorry for you. Flowers

OhioOhioOhio · 17/04/2020 20:42

I'm so sorry. That's awful.

HedgehogHotel · 17/04/2020 20:43

I would start looking for financial records and get legal advice.

He's giving away ££££ to this woman when your family doesn't get holidays and you can't have driving lessons? And he's already lied to you about her? And now the secret phone has again disappeared...

Smells wrong no matter how you look at it.

Thinkingabout1t · 17/04/2020 20:45

OP, please get advice from a lawyer or from Citizens Advice Bureau before you confront him. He may have secret bank accounts and other assets that he will try to hide if you divorce. Make sure your bank will not allow him to empty your joint account.

I'm sorry you are going through this. I hope you and the children come out of it into a happier situation.

Zaphodsotherhead · 17/04/2020 20:45

I can't think of a single, legitimate reason that he would need another phone.

If any of the innocent reasons that others are giving, such as him having an older child previous to your relationship, were true, why would he need a secret phone? His every day phone would be fine. He may have some explaining to do but he'd hardly hide it to this level. Hell, even most men having affairs manage with their everyday phone!

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