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Original poster

Found husbands secret phone

616 replies

Sandpaperkisses357 · 17/04/2020 19:09

I have, a few days ago, found a phone I never knew my husband had..(I never usually would go through his phone but I just got a horrible feeling)and on it are texts from one of his female friends, one of which was asking him to send her money, 100 or 150 if possible as things are hard for her and family can't help.. next msg, her asking again and saying she will pay back the 1000?! He already sent last month When she gets bk on her feet WTF?! Another msg, burn after u read this ..
I am fuming to say the least .. how do I approach this ..
That money could have gone on the family, maybe for a holiday, which we've had one of in our 10 yrs together or get me my driving lessons he keeps putting off as " we can't afford it" but not just on some other woman.
Now I'm questioning our whole lives together and wondering is he having an affair?
We have 5 kids together, and can't just leave so easily..feeling so depressed about it all .. and even harder in the current circumstances too.
Totally heartbroken Sad

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 17/04/2020 19:29

He could be doing someone a philanthropic good, so find out before judging

Thanks for that. I needed a good laugh!

Redwinestillfine · 17/04/2020 19:30

Even if it's a unlikely good deed it's family money and should have been discussed with you first. Nothing about this is good.

sunshinefinally · 17/04/2020 19:30

Like others have asked is there only texts from her or just her number?
Also are the messages like lovey dovey or just straight messages only asking as first thing that came to my mind was a secret child maybe from an affair or maybe before your relationship?
I hope you can get the answers OP
Also that amount is a lot of money!

CambsAlways · 17/04/2020 19:30

This is awful poor you, I agree with pictureofcats

bogoffmda · 17/04/2020 19:31

izzy - so inappropriate.

OP is in lockdown with 5 kids and aprtner of 10 years who, lets be honest, has been having an affair with another woman.

Let's hope there is an innocent explanation but the odds are slim to zero. OP needs support not you getting your popcorn.

OP - not much I can say - been there walked that road with less kids and not in lockdown. It sucks. Take care

Someonesayroadtrip · 17/04/2020 19:31

Do you know the person?

RubyRedz · 17/04/2020 19:32

Secret child is my guess!
Confront asap!

ZaraW · 17/04/2020 19:33

izzywizzygood you are an idiot.

ladamanera · 17/04/2020 19:33

If it were a secret child the mother would not be offering to pay it back.

Notimeforaname · 17/04/2020 19:35

Sorry op it doesn't look good for now, I echo what pp's have said and call yourself from the phone to have the number.

Also screenshot messages or take a picture of them with your own phone.... I hope it doesn't turn out to be as bad as you're expecting.

WomanInTheWindow · 17/04/2020 19:35

Be careful and prepared before you make your next move. Maybe write down some points.

Think about your financial security. What access and knowledge do you have?

Is there a real life person you could confide in?

blackcat86 · 17/04/2020 19:36

Find out before judging because he could be doing some philanthropic good?? Are you having a laugh! That's over £1k at least of family money without agreement of his partner when he apparently cant afford her driving lessons or a family holiday. They have 5 children FFs. Best get hack to the 50s where a woman cant question her husband *sigh.

This wont be anything good OP because that's why he's hiding it on a secret phone. Use this time to gather evidence. Take photos and send them to a trusted friend or new email address he doesn't know in case he tries to delete them. Find the number of the 2nd phone and take down this Women's number as well.Many people have their phone numbers connected to their social media, small business page etc so just try googling it and see what happens. Check any other messages, emails or social media on that phone and then speak to a solicitor so you go into any conversations armed with all the information you need. Dont hold this secret for him either. Tell someone who wont get in touch with him until you're ready.

lenaperkins · 17/04/2020 19:36

Take pictures of the messages.

Try and take pics of any financial statements etc.

Phone a lawyer as soon as you can.

Mamaof2males · 17/04/2020 19:37

Ohtherewearethen

Good idea!

VenusTiger · 17/04/2020 19:37

I would text her back "remind me again why I leant you £1k?" - this can appear as rhetorical and she won't become suspicious - once she's answered, ask "so why do you need more?"
Are any of the texts intimate? Any kisses or emojis?

Yallreadyforthis · 17/04/2020 19:37

.....a philanthropic good...

Maybe, but even if it was, keeping is a secret is surely not a good sign either...?

Inkpaperstars · 17/04/2020 19:38

Could blackmail be involved?

Mamaof2males · 17/04/2020 19:39

@izzywizzygood

You are vicious.

weliveincrazytimes · 17/04/2020 19:39

I can't think of any legitimate reason why a married man with 5 children would have a secret phone which reveals he's secretly given a female 'friend' £1000. I'd want to know why DH had a phone I didn't know about, who this woman was, why he gave her £1000 and how he was able to give away £1000 without me knowing. And then I'd want to know whatever else he'd been hiding from me.

VenusTiger · 17/04/2020 19:40

@Inkpaperstars not if she's planning on paying it back

CambsAlways · 17/04/2020 19:40

Izzywhizzygood how smug are you, pathetic

Mummyoflittledragon · 17/04/2020 19:42

What a difficult time to find out. No advice. Just sorry. Flowers

bumblebeefairy · 17/04/2020 19:43

Oh this sounds so worrying. I agree to get your ducks in order and keep the evidence til then. Could you search for the number on Facebook and her profile might come up? FlowersCake

SunshineCake · 17/04/2020 19:44

Ignore Izzy. They obviously have got hold of something they aren't mature enough for.

Original poster
Sandpaperkisses357 · 17/04/2020 19:45

A few months back I met her briefly while we were all out as a family one day and I did get a not very nice vibe from her ..and my husband seemed to be quite strange when introducing us ..i asked him why he was acting a bit strange and he just brushed it off like i was imagining it..
Another time his phone, that I know about, pinged in the morning, not thinking too much I ignored it, it went again and again so I checked In case it was urgent and it was just a number, talking about "well maybe we could go to beach or somewhere"
I took the number and checked on WhatsApp and it was same woman .
I confronted him later that night and he denied it was a woman, said it was one of his friends.. I then showed him her profile pic.. til he was blue in the face he denied anything was going on and said he knew I would react badly if it was a woman so that's why he lied ... and that she is a lesbian anyway ?
I know it was bs
And now finding this ..I just feel like total fool.
As far as I know she has no kids and is at the moment in another country.
We do share bank account but I'm guessing he has his own stash somewhere as the msg sent from him to her was just like a code maybe moneygram or similar.
Trying to get through the days but its killing me inside Sad

OP posts: