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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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You didn't impress my cock

314 replies

UnimpressorOfCocks · 07/09/2019 12:13

AIBU to think that literally no woman ever would be ok with a guy she had recently shagged saying this to her? Especially when he expected her to shag him again?

I recently shagged a guy who said this to me. He thinks my reaction to his helpful feedback was due to 'my own issues' and 'most women wouldn't have reacted like that.'

Before you think I am shit in bed, here's what happened. So I shagged this guy I had a couple of dates with. He orgasmed twice, me not at all. His complaint about me 'not impressing his cock' was due to me not touching his cock with my hand or mouth. When he explained this, I said, ' so where in the 30 seconds that elapsed between us starting to kiss and you taking off my clothes and sticking your cock in me was I supposed to give you a blow job?' He said ' ah yes, I am not very good at foreplay'. Even when we had sex the second time just suddenly climbed on top of me and stuck his cock in again.

I reacted by saying ' Sorry, did you just say I didn't impress your cock?' He answered in the affirmative. I told him that no-one had ever (we are both in our forties) spoken to me with such a lack of respect, and that was a disgusting thing to say that was designed to humiliate me. He looked taken aback and said ' You think I have not been respectful? No, baby, if you knew me you would know I have a pure heart'. I can't remember what else I said but at some point he picked up on the fact I wasn't going to bed with him again as he looked astonished and said, 'So you aren't coming back to mine?' I spluttered 'No! How can you think I will, you think I am going to abase myself in the pursuit of impressing your cock? You are never seeing me naked again'.

He maintains that I over-reacted because of my issues.

OP posts:
Bodear · 07/09/2019 12:15

Is this actually real? I’m not calling troll at all but I really hope it’s a joke?

BykerBykerOoh · 07/09/2019 12:15

Can I ask if you were going to sleep with him again before he told you about his cock’s impression? And if so, why?

cccameron · 07/09/2019 12:16

God he sounds horrendous. What did you see in him in the first place? Pure heart Grin

MRex · 07/09/2019 12:17

Obviously he's awful, yes.

LaMainDeFatima · 07/09/2019 12:17

Sounds like a right Charmer. Delete him right off

madcatladyforever · 07/09/2019 12:17

Holy cow. I literally just choked on my coffee. Do neanderthals like this still exist?

Cheeserton · 07/09/2019 12:19

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Billballbaggins · 07/09/2019 12:19

Ewww this cant be real? Sorry if it is OP, he’s gross 🤮

UnimpressorOfCocks · 07/09/2019 12:20

I swear to God it is true. I genuinely couldn't believe it myself. He really thinks he said nothing wrong.

I can't believe he orgasmed twice and me not once (which he knew as he was surprised the thrusting of his magnificent cock was not enough) and he still thought the most important thing about the encounter was that he cock was not impressed enough!

OP posts:
JacquesHammer · 07/09/2019 12:20

Your “issues” aren’t to blame

His “issue” is that he’s a blistering thundercunt with seemingly no redeeming qualities. I mean you can’t even give him the whole “well at least I got an orgasm out of it”.

NoProblem123 · 07/09/2019 12:21

I had to read this twice.

Unbelievably grim. Ugh.

CharlieCoCo · 07/09/2019 12:21

Surely you impressed his cock coz he came twice and he didnt impress you because you didn’t 🤔🤷🏻‍♀️

MegaClutterSlut · 07/09/2019 12:21

Wtf Shock

LaMarschallin · 07/09/2019 12:22

Perhaps he writes reviews about "cock-pleasers".

DickAdvisor or something.

You could give him an equally bad review on Tri-vag-o.

PianoTuner567 · 07/09/2019 12:22

Well, here was me thinking I’d heard everything

gamerchick · 07/09/2019 12:22

Is this actually real? I’m not calling troll at all but I really hope it’s a joke?

I've met men who think woman should have an orgasm when giving a blow job and if they dont they are abnormal. They can't be convinced other wise. It's usually porn and goes hand in hand with them being exceptionally selfish in bed where a woman's orgasm just doesn't occur to them that they can help with that.

UnimpressorOfCocks · 07/09/2019 12:22

Exactly Charlie.

He isn't British. I don't know much about his country of origin, other than it has a reputation for chauvinism. I think he thinks he is progressive though....

OP posts:
f83mx · 07/09/2019 12:22

I find the “no baby... I have a pure heart” line equally grim, how did you end up shagging that.

BiBiBirdie · 07/09/2019 12:22

Personally, I would have pointed out as you didn't orgasm that his cock didn't impress much either.
And then I'd have kneed him in it

steff13 · 07/09/2019 12:23

Did you tell him it didn't impress you either? He sounds gross.

Bingbangbong89 · 07/09/2019 12:23

You think I have not been respectful? No, baby, if you knew me you would know I have a pure heart
My Jamaican male relatives would say shit like this all the time. Is he Jamaican?

SpamChaudFroid · 07/09/2019 12:23

Sounds straight out of the MRA/incel handbook. They like "negging" the pretty ladies .

PaquitaVariation · 07/09/2019 12:23

How did you not just laugh in his face?!

DisplayPurposesOnly · 07/09/2019 12:24

That is the funniest thing ever Grin

To be fair, when you've got a cock that big, it's difficult to impress. I don't mean his appendage.

Also anyone claiming to have a pure heart is obviously a wanker.

swissmilk · 07/09/2019 12:24

Sounds like a guy bought up on porn, who doesn't have a clue about a woman's sexual needs, just focuses on his own.
I'm amazed you slept with him at all, let alone twice.
Chalk it up to a funny story to laugh at with your mates and move on.

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