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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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You didn't impress my cock

314 replies

UnimpressorOfCocks · 07/09/2019 12:13

AIBU to think that literally no woman ever would be ok with a guy she had recently shagged saying this to her? Especially when he expected her to shag him again?

I recently shagged a guy who said this to me. He thinks my reaction to his helpful feedback was due to 'my own issues' and 'most women wouldn't have reacted like that.'

Before you think I am shit in bed, here's what happened. So I shagged this guy I had a couple of dates with. He orgasmed twice, me not at all. His complaint about me 'not impressing his cock' was due to me not touching his cock with my hand or mouth. When he explained this, I said, ' so where in the 30 seconds that elapsed between us starting to kiss and you taking off my clothes and sticking your cock in me was I supposed to give you a blow job?' He said ' ah yes, I am not very good at foreplay'. Even when we had sex the second time just suddenly climbed on top of me and stuck his cock in again.

I reacted by saying ' Sorry, did you just say I didn't impress your cock?' He answered in the affirmative. I told him that no-one had ever (we are both in our forties) spoken to me with such a lack of respect, and that was a disgusting thing to say that was designed to humiliate me. He looked taken aback and said ' You think I have not been respectful? No, baby, if you knew me you would know I have a pure heart'. I can't remember what else I said but at some point he picked up on the fact I wasn't going to bed with him again as he looked astonished and said, 'So you aren't coming back to mine?' I spluttered 'No! How can you think I will, you think I am going to abase myself in the pursuit of impressing your cock? You are never seeing me naked again'.

He maintains that I over-reacted because of my issues.

OP posts:
Pharlapwasthebest · 07/09/2019 12:39

No loss there then, lucky escape by the sounds of things.

RushianDisney · 07/09/2019 12:40

Ew. Lucky escape imo.

HollowTalk · 07/09/2019 12:40

Did he take time in those 30 seconds to put on a condom?

Quite frankly you must be insane if you carry on any kind of contact with this man.

chickenyhead · 07/09/2019 12:40

Please please tell me you used condoms because this type of guy doesn't and he just climbed on top of you...

Please tell me he doesn't know where you live?

Go scrub yourself in bleach and block him. He wont leave you alone now, you are a target for him. He will likely pass your number on to his friends.

Met too .any of these types.

Tonnerre · 07/09/2019 12:41

I think if I'd heard that pile of twaddle I'd have fallen around laughing, before pointing out that that was nothing compared with the depths of unimpressedness of my vagina.

SirVixofVixHall · 07/09/2019 12:41

Oh Lordy what a man ! He sounds ghastly. He called you “Baby” for a start. Tantric sex classes ! Uggggh.
At least you now have an amusing anecdote for coffee with friends.

slobberyblob · 07/09/2019 12:41

Eww

howyoulikemenow · 07/09/2019 12:43

Hahaha, this is why I love Mumsnet. Sorry for your experience though.

chickenyhead · 07/09/2019 12:43

And

Come off of internet dating for a while

Your wanker-dar is broken

Gonegirlw · 07/09/2019 12:43

Why would you even consider going to bed AGAIN with someone who failed to make YOU orgasm ?

He’s the failure not you .

Why would you want to fuck him again if he didn’t ensure he satisfied you ?

I’m sorry but this isn’t even about his comment about you not touching his cock ... I’d have lost interest at the point he didn’t make me orgasm.

He’s the bloody failure in bed , not you , YOU certainly don’t even need to THINK about justifying why you didn’t touch his cock , or even THINK about letting him have sex with you again ( which sounds like what happened ) , if HE Is going To FAIL to satisfy you .

AnneKipanki · 07/09/2019 12:44

I think we should all have T-shirts with "IMPRESSED ; YOU WILL BE"

UnimpressorOfCocks · 07/09/2019 12:44

No he doesn't know where I live.

Of course I would be insane to see him again!

OP posts:
KOKOtiltomorrow · 07/09/2019 12:44

Dear shaggger...thank you or the feedback. Feeding forward, I want you to know that my fanny was equally unimpressed. Normally I feel her jumping about but with you, it was like she was dead. Please tell your cock that he needs to up his game if he wants to impress the laydeez. Lifting weights might help.

Nursejackie1 · 07/09/2019 12:44

Who in Gods name have you been shagging? 😂 Stop going near his unimpressed cock immediately. He sounds horrific!

Plasebeafleabite · 07/09/2019 12:46

I love your username OP Grin

Duchessgummybuns · 07/09/2019 12:46

“Pure heart” lol he talks like the random Indian men that send me message requests on FB. Glad he’s binned.

JustTurtlesAllTheWayDown · 07/09/2019 12:46

I'm sorry, but that made me burst out laughing. That is truly awful. Who says that? What an arsehole.
Guess it's clear why he's single then. Oh dear.

Ronsters · 07/09/2019 12:47

Did you not want to just piss yourself laughing? Absolute, pure cheese.

Hennysmommy · 07/09/2019 12:47

Hes a wanker, tell him to fuck off. 😂

Funnyface1 · 07/09/2019 12:48

Oh god. Just be so so soooo glad you don't have to see him again. Awful.

chickenyhead · 07/09/2019 12:48

I did think that this was going to be a post about chicken breeding though

MildThing · 07/09/2019 12:51

LOL at LaMarschallin

It would be tempting to help the poor guy out with an honest critique of his sexual technique, and especially on the need for reciprocal foreplay and what that means for a woman if she is going to come.

But actually given his mentality he probably wouldn’t take it in anyway.

He needs to know that he is shit in bed.

UnimpressorOfCocks · 07/09/2019 12:53

Chickenyhead Grin

Actually there was a sign on the second date, he did call me baby once then. I put that down to his ethnic origin.

Lesson learnt. That's the last time I subscribe to cultural relativism...

OP posts:
RogueV · 07/09/2019 12:53

Boak!
What a charmer.
Eeeeh Confused

Crinkle77 · 07/09/2019 12:55

What a bizarre thing to say particularly when he made no attempt to please you and you didn't even have an orgasm. He sounds a shit shag so think you've had a lucky escape.