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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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You didn't impress my cock

314 replies

UnimpressorOfCocks · 07/09/2019 12:13

AIBU to think that literally no woman ever would be ok with a guy she had recently shagged saying this to her? Especially when he expected her to shag him again?

I recently shagged a guy who said this to me. He thinks my reaction to his helpful feedback was due to 'my own issues' and 'most women wouldn't have reacted like that.'

Before you think I am shit in bed, here's what happened. So I shagged this guy I had a couple of dates with. He orgasmed twice, me not at all. His complaint about me 'not impressing his cock' was due to me not touching his cock with my hand or mouth. When he explained this, I said, ' so where in the 30 seconds that elapsed between us starting to kiss and you taking off my clothes and sticking your cock in me was I supposed to give you a blow job?' He said ' ah yes, I am not very good at foreplay'. Even when we had sex the second time just suddenly climbed on top of me and stuck his cock in again.

I reacted by saying ' Sorry, did you just say I didn't impress your cock?' He answered in the affirmative. I told him that no-one had ever (we are both in our forties) spoken to me with such a lack of respect, and that was a disgusting thing to say that was designed to humiliate me. He looked taken aback and said ' You think I have not been respectful? No, baby, if you knew me you would know I have a pure heart'. I can't remember what else I said but at some point he picked up on the fact I wasn't going to bed with him again as he looked astonished and said, 'So you aren't coming back to mine?' I spluttered 'No! How can you think I will, you think I am going to abase myself in the pursuit of impressing your cock? You are never seeing me naked again'.

He maintains that I over-reacted because of my issues.

OP posts:
Elodie2019 · 07/09/2019 13:15

'You're not very good at this are you?' would have been my reply!
Send him a link to a beginner's sex guide and block!

onalongsabbatical · 07/09/2019 13:17

Honestly you should be just laughing at him. He's a fucking dinosaur. You can do better. On your own's better, so you can guaranteed do better without lifting a finger.

MouseInATelescope · 07/09/2019 13:18

Tell him he really should see a professional about the whole anthropomorphising his cock thing too. I really didn't think men ACTUALLY did that and it's bloody creepy.

Asta19 · 07/09/2019 13:19

Sadly I believe this post is real as I came across many men like this on OLD. It's why I no longer use it. Too many men only care about their own pleasure.

Oldraver · 07/09/2019 13:20

Oh I had one very similar OP...Very good looking and charming, actually a nice Turkish man but when it came to sex thought he was God's gift.

He would never do oral but expected it (I dont mind I love it but would like some reciprocation. I gave up trying to get him away from his formula after a few weeks.

Actually alarm bells should of rung when he insisted on paying all the time (I had to insist on paying for a round) but would only order ONE main in Bella Pasta

Stingy with sex and food is not on

iklboo · 07/09/2019 13:22

Anyone else singing 'You don't impress my cock' to Shania Twain?

SchadenfreudePersonified · 07/09/2019 13:23

< Disappointed that this thread is not about keeping poultry >

SchadenfreudePersonified · 07/09/2019 13:24

I am now Iklboo

Thanks a lot! Envy

1forAll74 · 07/09/2019 13:25

I sometimes fancy a bit of Turkish Delight, but gone right off it now.

Elodie2019 · 07/09/2019 13:26

Has he named it? I bet he has. Watch out... he'll be telling you that little Yigit feels sad because you don't want sex again next..Confused

Mackerz · 07/09/2019 13:29

@Elodie2019

😂. I second that, he sounds exactly the type to name his cock.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 07/09/2019 13:30

Just makes me think of one time when a couple asked me the way to the "G-Spot" (a local club).

I didn't know and apologised and told them that nobody had ever been able to find it.

They didn't get the joke.

LittleAndOften · 07/09/2019 13:31

Wow what a self-centred prick. He sounds like the kind of bloke who thinks women like having spunk on their face Confused

Definitely learnt all he knows from porn. Let's hope one day he learns that sex is about mutual pleasure. Seems unlikely though!

PhilCornwall1 · 07/09/2019 13:36

I think after recovering from extreme laughter, I would have said "well my minge told me it wasn't impressed with your cock either".

What a complete tool.

SistersOfMerci · 07/09/2019 13:38

I have no words, well I do but I'm still visibly squirming after reading that I can't articulate them.

The very thought of anyone calling me baby makes me want to stab people, somehow it's even worse than babe.

Oblomov19 · 07/09/2019 13:39

What a cock.

But, I can't believe you even decided to sleep with him the once.

NurseButtercup · 07/09/2019 13:40

Jesus...I'm speechless
YANBU
Please help yourself to all of these:

Flowers CakeWineGinBrew

And a massive hug

Please block him and when you've finished ranting on here don't think about him ever again.

Trickedia · 07/09/2019 13:44

I ABSOLUTELY LOVE your reaction. Pure respect for yourself in telling him what a twat thing to say it was. He sounds gross! Bye bye! Envy

UnimpressorOfCocks · 07/09/2019 13:46

Well to be fair Oblomov, if his invitation to have sex with him had been phrased, 'Hey Baby, come and impress my cock', I'd have declined.

OP posts:
Whathewhatnow · 07/09/2019 13:46

This is ap so funny..one for the classics thread surely.

Carpathian2 · 07/09/2019 13:51

I was with a man who called his cock "he" and my fanny "she" and couldn't see what a turn off it was. "She" used to shrivel up and die when he said this 🤢

Kudos to you op, told the twat exactly what's what.

bpirockin · 07/09/2019 13:52

Ooh yuck - I'm with f83mx, the pure heart line is equally as cringe-worthy. Sounds like a complete twat to me.

Tweetingmagpie · 07/09/2019 13:58

This is why I don’t think it’s a good idea to sleep with someone early on unless you are planning on never seeing them again!

Fluffycloudland77 · 07/09/2019 13:58

Should anything happen to dh I am never dating again. I’ll just get loads of cats.

Angelf1sh · 07/09/2019 13:59

I don’t understand why you had sex with him the second time if the first was as perfunctory as your op suggests 🤷🏼‍♀️