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AIBU?

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Original poster

You didn't impress my cock

314 replies

UnimpressorOfCocks · 07/09/2019 12:13

AIBU to think that literally no woman ever would be ok with a guy she had recently shagged saying this to her? Especially when he expected her to shag him again?

I recently shagged a guy who said this to me. He thinks my reaction to his helpful feedback was due to 'my own issues' and 'most women wouldn't have reacted like that.'

Before you think I am shit in bed, here's what happened. So I shagged this guy I had a couple of dates with. He orgasmed twice, me not at all. His complaint about me 'not impressing his cock' was due to me not touching his cock with my hand or mouth. When he explained this, I said, ' so where in the 30 seconds that elapsed between us starting to kiss and you taking off my clothes and sticking your cock in me was I supposed to give you a blow job?' He said ' ah yes, I am not very good at foreplay'. Even when we had sex the second time just suddenly climbed on top of me and stuck his cock in again.

I reacted by saying ' Sorry, did you just say I didn't impress your cock?' He answered in the affirmative. I told him that no-one had ever (we are both in our forties) spoken to me with such a lack of respect, and that was a disgusting thing to say that was designed to humiliate me. He looked taken aback and said ' You think I have not been respectful? No, baby, if you knew me you would know I have a pure heart'. I can't remember what else I said but at some point he picked up on the fact I wasn't going to bed with him again as he looked astonished and said, 'So you aren't coming back to mine?' I spluttered 'No! How can you think I will, you think I am going to abase myself in the pursuit of impressing your cock? You are never seeing me naked again'.

He maintains that I over-reacted because of my issues.

OP posts:
Tweetingmagpie · 07/09/2019 14:00

And by that I mean if you don’t see them again you don’t have to find out they’re a prick!

TatianaLarina · 07/09/2019 14:00

It’s not me it’s you.

Angelf1sh · 07/09/2019 14:01

I mean, I get it was twice in one night, I just think I’d have told him to go home after the first one.

areyoubeingserviced · 07/09/2019 14:02

You should have told him that you couldn’t see the cock that you were supposed to impress. You left your microscope at home

IndieTara · 07/09/2019 14:05

This reply has been deleted

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kierenthecommunity · 07/09/2019 14:06

I am actually hoping he makes another attempt to get in touch, just so you can say you’d be up for meeting but sadly your clit was so underwhelmed you’ll have to decline 😃

Can’t believe there was zero foreplay and he was the one bitching 😂

Rockos · 07/09/2019 14:08

He’s grim!

Icantthinkofanynewnames · 07/09/2019 14:09

Ugh.... I’m not a prude but this whole post is so vulgar it literally made me cringe ... couldn’t finish reading.

kierenthecommunity · 07/09/2019 14:12

Or you could say your club was so very underwhelmed you’ve had to book her into therapy and she’s gone to a spa break 😃

macem · 07/09/2019 14:13

Icantthinkofanynewnames, correct, this is a very vulgar thread.

But it has made me snigger on an otherwise boring day.

Original poster
UnimpressorOfCocks · 07/09/2019 14:14

Can’t believe there was zero foreplay and he was the one bitching

I know right! Un-fucking-believable!

I think he thinks he is some sort of deeply spiritual progressive man - he goes to loads of spiritual type things and festivals. He thought the only reason I hadn't orgasmed from the thrusting of his magnificent cock was because I had failed to 'give myself fully to him'.

Who says that?! Who THINKS that?

Oh God, I'm only recently back dating after a LTR - I clearly no longer have an arsehole radar.

There's another guy who seems nice who I am hoping to bump into at a thing I am going to tonight. What if he is a tosser too? After all, at my age there will be a considerable portion of single guys who are single because they are freaks.

OP posts:
kierenthecommunity · 07/09/2019 14:15

Or that your clit was so very very underwhelmed she’s renounced men and joined a convent 😃

Pikapikachooo · 07/09/2019 14:15

My lord
That’s impressively awful OP
I have come across some charmers in my time bit this is a new one

Wish him luck as cant imagine he will ever get anyone with that attitude
Next !

Original poster
UnimpressorOfCocks · 07/09/2019 14:17

Or that your clit was so very very underwhelmed she’s renounced men and joined a convent

It has made me wish that I was into women.....

OP posts:
SolsticeBabyMaybe · 07/09/2019 14:17

He is BU for attempting to smooth talk his way out of that pretty offensive comment!

kierenthecommunity · 07/09/2019 14:18

After all, at my age there will be a considerable portion of single guys who are single because they are freaks

When I was in my twenties I had a short fling with a guy nudging forty and my stepmum said if someone has got to that age and not been married or in a serious relationship there must be a reason for it and to run for the hills

Turns out she was correct and I did

EugenesAxe · 07/09/2019 14:19

I find the “no baby... I have a pure heart” line equally grim, how did you end up shagging that.

This! You should read the chapter in My Family and Other Animals about the tea when Margot brings her Turkish boyfriend home. It’s hilarious... the line that most made me laugh was:
“‘So kind,’ murmured the Turk, leaving us in some doubt as to whether he was talking about us or himself.”

NameChangeNugget · 07/09/2019 14:20

I think he thinks he is some sort of deeply spiritual progressive man

A selfish arsehole is a selfish arsehole whatever he thinks.

JeSuisPoulet · 07/09/2019 14:20

Not sure why you need to ask. Nasty man, crap in bed and any 40yr old still calling women Baby shouldn't be given the time of day.
Next!

MissCherryCakeyBun · 07/09/2019 14:21

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Ellisandra · 07/09/2019 14:21

I used to have sex as soon as I felt like it - so, first date if I wanted to. Didn’t give a fuck about being judged. However, after w while OLD in my 40s, I just stopped having sex on a first date as so many men are just SO fucking disappointing. I just felt like I was handing out free orgasms for nothing.

OP, I’m only worried that you say he is “still maintaining”... surely to God you are not in contact with this pointless arsehole?

Original poster
UnimpressorOfCocks · 07/09/2019 14:22

It’s hilarious... the line that most made me laugh was:
“‘So kind,’ murmured the Turk, leaving us in some doubt as to whether he was talking about us or himself.”

That made me laugh out loud! Yes, that's so like him!
It must be a Turkish thing, combined with his defective personality to produce a particularly toxic outcome!

OP posts:
YouJustDoYou · 07/09/2019 14:22

When I was in my twenties I had a short fling with a guy nudging forty and my stepmum said if someone has got to that age and not been married or in a serious relationship there must be a reason for it and to run for the hills

^^This.

EugenesAxe · 07/09/2019 14:23

After all, at my age there will be a considerable portion of single guys who are single because they are freaks.

Grin

But to counter, I know a fair number who are single because they were with the wrong person for many years. There’ll be someone cool for you!

Meirou90 · 07/09/2019 14:25

Gross. Aim higher.