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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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You didn't impress my cock

314 replies

UnimpressorOfCocks · 07/09/2019 12:13

AIBU to think that literally no woman ever would be ok with a guy she had recently shagged saying this to her? Especially when he expected her to shag him again?

I recently shagged a guy who said this to me. He thinks my reaction to his helpful feedback was due to 'my own issues' and 'most women wouldn't have reacted like that.'

Before you think I am shit in bed, here's what happened. So I shagged this guy I had a couple of dates with. He orgasmed twice, me not at all. His complaint about me 'not impressing his cock' was due to me not touching his cock with my hand or mouth. When he explained this, I said, ' so where in the 30 seconds that elapsed between us starting to kiss and you taking off my clothes and sticking your cock in me was I supposed to give you a blow job?' He said ' ah yes, I am not very good at foreplay'. Even when we had sex the second time just suddenly climbed on top of me and stuck his cock in again.

I reacted by saying ' Sorry, did you just say I didn't impress your cock?' He answered in the affirmative. I told him that no-one had ever (we are both in our forties) spoken to me with such a lack of respect, and that was a disgusting thing to say that was designed to humiliate me. He looked taken aback and said ' You think I have not been respectful? No, baby, if you knew me you would know I have a pure heart'. I can't remember what else I said but at some point he picked up on the fact I wasn't going to bed with him again as he looked astonished and said, 'So you aren't coming back to mine?' I spluttered 'No! How can you think I will, you think I am going to abase myself in the pursuit of impressing your cock? You are never seeing me naked again'.

He maintains that I over-reacted because of my issues.

OP posts:
UnimpressorOfCocks · 07/09/2019 12:25

Turkish.

OP posts:
Illberidingshotgun · 07/09/2019 12:26

Tell him that your vagina was extremely disappointed with your encounters, and you therefore won't be seeing him again.

Mackerz · 07/09/2019 12:26

@LaMarschallin. 😂

OP I’m not sure I have any words. You didn’t impress my cock, baby and pure heart. I was creeped out by just reading all that. Please run away as fast as you can.

UnimpressorOfCocks · 07/09/2019 12:27

Well, I didn't realise he was such a colossal arse when I had sex with him. And it was twice in one evening. After he gave me his review, it's not like I went back a second time to work on my cock impressing technique...

OP posts:
recrudescence · 07/09/2019 12:27

His cock is sentient and capable of independent thought? He should join a circus. Seriously, just delete him from your life without any further consideration.

DaphneFanshaw · 07/09/2019 12:27

Shock what a cock.

isabellerossignol · 07/09/2019 12:27

He sounds quite the catch. Can't imagine why you don't want to meet up with him and his pure heart again.

DonPablo · 07/09/2019 12:28

Er, you didn't impress my clit, mate. And your cock isn't impressive either.

What a douche.

VictoriaBun · 07/09/2019 12:28

This reply has been deleted

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CalmFizz · 07/09/2019 12:30

He’s probably read up on ‘negging’ And thinks he’s a real gift to women.

Lamentations · 07/09/2019 12:30

YABU for shagging somebody who clearly is a massive cock in the first place. Surely the signs were there.

Mummyoflittledragon · 07/09/2019 12:31

If his cock was unimpressed that’s because he has an inferior cock.

PicsInRed · 07/09/2019 12:31

No, baby, if you knew me you would know I have a pure heart

Personally, I'd dump just for this. Vom. 🤮

Right up there with I'm such a genuine guy.

InsertFunnyUsername · 07/09/2019 12:33

That and the No baby line would have me glad I was so unimpressive. Hate to think how he would speak if you did impress him.

AmIChangingagain · 07/09/2019 12:33

No baby......pure heart

I'd dump him for that alone Grin

Zoflorabore · 07/09/2019 12:34

If he contacts you again I would be turning it back on him and saying “actually, mister Turkish delight (not) your cock didn’t impress my fanny much to the point that I didn’t orgasm at all/faked it”

Maybe it’s a tried and tested method to get his conquests to protest that they are indeed very good at impressing cock and they just didn’t get the chance this time....

Regardless, he sounds like a sleaze.

UnimpressorOfCocks · 07/09/2019 12:34

I doubt he's read up on negging, He definitely thinks he is a real gift to women. In that conversation, he also boasted that he was a very sexual man who goes to tantric sex classes. I don't know what they teach in those clearly cock centric tantric sex classes, but it sure wasn't how to please a woman as he had NO idea of his way around a woman's body.

OP posts:
70sWitch · 07/09/2019 12:34

Try sending this into a lads mag next time

Why? It's pretty clear that it's mainly women who appreciate the humour in this. Not "lads"

busybarbara · 07/09/2019 12:34

The fact that you're asking us if you're being unreasonable or not leads me to believe you might actually be thinking of shagging him again. Think with your head and not your fanny, please!

GreekOddess · 07/09/2019 12:36

Did you tell him that he is rubbish in bed? Because he really needs to know that he is the most disappointing experience you've had.

Some men really are a joke.

UnimpressorOfCocks · 07/09/2019 12:36

He really didn't seem that bad on the dates. By the second date it was clear we weren't relationship material but he is physically attractive so I thought a sex thing would be ok. Clearly not.

OP posts:
hellinabreadbasket · 07/09/2019 12:37

Just spotted your username... Grin

Apricotjamsndwich · 07/09/2019 12:38

I think I'm getting old.

UnimpressorOfCocks · 07/09/2019 12:39

Oh God no Busy Barbara! I am definitely not. I really don't think I am being unreasonable!

I just can't believe he would think I was being unreasonable to tell him to fuck off, and that he thought other women would be okay with him saying that! He was really offended that I called him an arsehole! I told him I called him an arsehole because he was an arsehole!

OP posts:
youkiddingme · 07/09/2019 12:39

Obvious where his meagre brain cells are kept.