Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

You didn't impress my cock

314 replies

UnimpressorOfCocks · 07/09/2019 12:13

AIBU to think that literally no woman ever would be ok with a guy she had recently shagged saying this to her? Especially when he expected her to shag him again?

I recently shagged a guy who said this to me. He thinks my reaction to his helpful feedback was due to 'my own issues' and 'most women wouldn't have reacted like that.'

Before you think I am shit in bed, here's what happened. So I shagged this guy I had a couple of dates with. He orgasmed twice, me not at all. His complaint about me 'not impressing his cock' was due to me not touching his cock with my hand or mouth. When he explained this, I said, ' so where in the 30 seconds that elapsed between us starting to kiss and you taking off my clothes and sticking your cock in me was I supposed to give you a blow job?' He said ' ah yes, I am not very good at foreplay'. Even when we had sex the second time just suddenly climbed on top of me and stuck his cock in again.

I reacted by saying ' Sorry, did you just say I didn't impress your cock?' He answered in the affirmative. I told him that no-one had ever (we are both in our forties) spoken to me with such a lack of respect, and that was a disgusting thing to say that was designed to humiliate me. He looked taken aback and said ' You think I have not been respectful? No, baby, if you knew me you would know I have a pure heart'. I can't remember what else I said but at some point he picked up on the fact I wasn't going to bed with him again as he looked astonished and said, 'So you aren't coming back to mine?' I spluttered 'No! How can you think I will, you think I am going to abase myself in the pursuit of impressing your cock? You are never seeing me naked again'.

He maintains that I over-reacted because of my issues.

OP posts:
Awwlookatmybabyspider · 07/09/2019 12:55

Well if you didn’t orgasm his cock certainly didn’t impress you either, did itGrin

SadieBaneso · 07/09/2019 12:56

Does anyone else now have Shania Twain in their head singing this?! Grin

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 07/09/2019 12:57

Uuurgh! Did he wear leopard satin underpants? I always imagine guys who say “babe” possessing such monstrosities. I’m kind of reminded in the scene from Extras where Maggie is shagging her boyfriend and he says “put a bit of minge around it”. 🤢 🤢 🤢

Goldensummer · 07/09/2019 12:57

Does anyone else read the title in the tune of Shania Twain's song "That don't impress me much...." 🤔😁

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 07/09/2019 12:58

@sadie. Grin

Beaverdam · 07/09/2019 13:01

Hahaha. Jesus, he sounds rather odd.

chickenyhead · 07/09/2019 13:03

I met a normal looking man once online, under his normal clothes he wore a zip up upvc thong. Wanted me to trot around the room in 6 inch heels with his 16 stone frame on my back.

Came off internet dating after that. Didnt see that coming.

The fun.

VictoriaBun · 07/09/2019 13:03

70sWitch
Because I'm Hmm about it. It sounds like the beginning of a lads mag.

OrangeJustice · 07/09/2019 13:03

Omg DickAdvisor Grin

WhoKnewBeefStew · 07/09/2019 13:04

Your “issues” aren’t to blame
*
His “issue” is that he’s a blistering thundercunt with seemingly no redeeming qualities. I mean you can’t even give him the whole “well at least I got an orgasm out of it”.*

This Grin what an utter cock Womble

ashtrayheart · 07/09/2019 13:04

Wow ShockGrin

Witchinaditch · 07/09/2019 13:05

Flabbergasted on your behalf. He is the one with issues! Sorry you have had this experience with this toad!

UnimpressorOfCocks · 07/09/2019 13:06

Yes Beaver, I think he is. And very, very unselfaware.

God, he is so pathetic. He thinks he is single because he is 'a very sexual man' but really its because he's an arsehole to the women who are attracted to him. Having to pay to go to classes where strangers let you feel them up, is not really the definition of being a very sexual man.

God, my tosser detector really is rusty, isn't it?

Still, I'll be a bit more alert from now on.

OP posts:
TSSDNCOP · 07/09/2019 13:08

What flabbergasted me was that you did it twice.

It would've been taco for TSS immediately after the first.

TSSDNCOP · 07/09/2019 13:08

Taxi

Although after that sort of disappointment a taco may have lightened my mood.

UnimpressorOfCocks · 07/09/2019 13:09

I don't blame you for being suspicious Victoria.

I'm utterly flabberghasted by it myself. It really did happen though. I still can't really believe it myself. I've had a lot of flings and one night stands in my life, and NEVER has anyone EVER done anything like this.

OP posts:
WhatWouldChristineCagneyDo · 07/09/2019 13:10

The only thing I'd be touching his cock with is a big pointy stick.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 07/09/2019 13:10

It all sounds like a load of old cock to me.

WhatWouldChristineCagneyDo · 07/09/2019 13:10
  • Sorry, I mean a big SHARP pointy stick
timshelthechoice · 07/09/2019 13:10

His cock wouldn't have got in me without foreplay. He's a porn hound.

Blueoasis · 07/09/2019 13:11

That is actually so outrageous it's bordering on funny. I dunno how you didn't burst out laughing when he said it, I would have.

MouseInATelescope · 07/09/2019 13:12

NO foreplay... stuck it straight in Confused..... why HOW did you let him get that far?! because if that was me there would just be no way he'd be gaining entry.

WindsorDuchess · 07/09/2019 13:12

I just spat my coffee out all over the hairdressers reading this. Had to explain to the girls why I couldn't stop laughing. The whole salon agress he is a tosser

sashh · 07/09/2019 13:15

LaMarschallin

You are a genius

OutwiththeOutCrowd · 07/09/2019 13:15

Why is he listening to the opinion of a bird and what's it doing in bed with the two of you anyway? The only feathers in a bedroom should be those in the pillows and duvet.