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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To getting annoyed when people say ‘you look well’

153 replies

MrsMaow · 02/05/2019 21:05

I had my baby almost 6 months ago and I know (hope) it won’t be permanent but currently I look fat, exhausted, and my skin is somehow covered in spots and dry and flaky at the same time, just generally haggard. I do not look well.

I saw a few people today that I haven’t seen since DD was born and every single one of them said a variation of ‘you’re looking well’ - if this is me looking well what the fuck do they think I looked like before.

I think I probably ABU to be so annoyed but am I really?!

OP posts:
PrincessMaryaBolkonskaya · 02/05/2019 21:09

I HATE ‘you look well’ or ‘you’re looking well’. I take it far too personally and assume they mean fat. YANBU WineCake

Passthecherrycoke · 02/05/2019 21:10

I used to love it when people said that to me post childbirth. Made me feel loads better about myself. Why don’t you like it?

comedycentral · 02/05/2019 21:11

Bloody hate it. It means, you look like you have ate a house.

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 02/05/2019 21:12

I didn't seem to be able to find the time or energy to wash my hair when mine were that small and I seemed to always be covered in someone else's bodily fluids. My hair fell out and the regrowth went straight up. My skin reverted back to teenage skin. If I say this its generally because I think they genuinely look better than expected based on my own experiences

ArgyMargy · 02/05/2019 21:19

I love it. I always say thank you.

Princess28 · 02/05/2019 21:23

Yanbu
You look great! (Way better than expected)
You look good (you actually do)
You look well (rounded)

MrsJBaptiste · 02/05/2019 21:27

Shit, when I tell someone they look well I mean they look good. Who knew I'd been getting it wrong all these years...

RomanyQueen1 · 02/05/2019 21:27

This has never bothered me and I say it all the time.
I feel bad now as though I've offended my friends.
I say it sometimes because the person is very happy so it makes them look good, irrespective of unwashed hair, spots, lack of make up or anything else that doesn't make you look perfect.

My dil looks amazing and has a 7 mth old gorgeous dd, I'm sure she doesn't think she looks her best, but to me she is radiant, glowing and so happy. So I tell her this, because it's true.

TapasForTwo · 02/05/2019 21:28

Only on MN do people find offence in what is meant to be a compliment Hmm

Looking well does not mean that you are fat FFS

tmh88 · 02/05/2019 21:29

Yep. Hate it. I secretly think they’re saying “you look well” but thinking “you look well fed”.

tmh88 · 02/05/2019 21:31

I must admit I really didn’t look well after though, I looked huge I was 28lbs heavier.. so it really didn’t feel like a compliment haha! Now I’m back to my original weight I would take it well Blush

WorraLiberty · 02/05/2019 21:32

There's this stupid thing that I've only ever read on MN and nowhere else, where some people equate 'looking well' to 'looking fat'.

It's one of the most randomly weird things I've ever heard to be honest.

OP, perhaps they really do think you're looking well and you look less tired than you feel?

Or they could just be being polite, who knows?

Either way, I wouldn't let it annoy you.

managedmis · 02/05/2019 21:32

Yeah if you look good people don't actually tell you

Jumbojem · 02/05/2019 21:33

Wow. I'd say it meaning more like "hey, you really seem to be recovering from the birth well/you seem to be coping with a life changing event well". I don't think I've ever said it to mean fat. People are trying to be nice, surely?

isntthatalwaystheway · 02/05/2019 21:33

Not just you OP, I can't stand it! I know people probably mean well but it just isn't a compliment in my eyes Confused

Cocolapew · 02/05/2019 21:33

I never understand how people take "you look fat" from this Confused.

Ohyesiam · 02/05/2019 21:33

My very tiny 83 year old mother was complaining to me today she that the steroids she is taking for lupus make her look radiant. All her friends, her doctors etc say” you look well” and she’d like a bit of sympathy as she feels really exhausted.
She’s 7 stone so I doubt these people mean she’s looking fat.

redexpat · 02/05/2019 21:34

I always interpret it as youre looking better than expected.

TabbyMumz · 02/05/2019 21:34

Absolutely ridiculous...since when did "You look well" mean "You look fat? How odd.

RomanyQueen1 · 02/05/2019 21:34

managedmis

They do if they are genuine and if they aren't wtf do you care anyway.

PotteringAlong · 02/05/2019 21:34

Are you always this hard work? What would you rather they say? “Hey, you look like crap?”

lborolass · 02/05/2019 21:35

You really can't win with some people, who knew that when I compliment someone by saying I think they look well I clearly don't know my own mind and actually mean something quite the opposite. Silly old me.

Original poster
MrsMaow · 02/05/2019 21:35

Actually thinking about it some more and reading those comments I think my problem with it might be that apart from the fact that it’s a bit true, it’s what my MIL said to me a couple of years ago when I hadn’t seen her for a while and had gained quite a lot of weight, it was obvious what she meant.

Sorry I didn’t mean to make anyone feel guilty who says it in a nice way! I’m sure some or all of the people who said it today meant well

OP posts:
TheCanterburyWhales · 02/05/2019 21:35

Every day's a batshit school day on MN.
Hopefully someone will tell you you look like you are Shrek then you can be proper offended because of an offensive thing rather than finding offence in everything.

SarahMontague · 02/05/2019 21:36

I’ve just told someone tonight that she looked wellBlush. I think she’s had her teeth done - she was looking good and I just wanted to let her know. But it was literally in passing (there were other people there, it was a collecting kids from an activity thing). I certainly didn’t mean she looked fat, but I couldn’t very well say she looked attractive or whatever.
I wish I hadn’t said anything now 😳
Xxx